Being self-confident isn't necessarily a bad thing but being self-centered is.
I think I can be all three.
Sometimes I'm very self-confident. I feel like I am smart, hard working, and somewhat personable (in the right circumstances) But still I am insecure. I will often doubt myself, those very things I am confident about. I wonder if maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am or as others are? Hey, how many mistakes can you find in this blog? LOL Grammar is not my strong suit. Sometimes I will think that I don't work as hard as someone else. Wow, some people can work circles around me. And then other times, even though I can talk to people one on one, if I am in a crowd I want to be sick!
I also am often very self-centered as well. I often make things about me. I expect too much from people.
So what do I do to change? It's so hard to change how your mind works. I don't think I can keep my expectations at bay. But I can turn those expectations around and try to focus on what people have already done for me. Often spouses, family, and friends disappoint but if those people are really genuine then I will find things about them to reflect on where I've had good experiences with them. So instead of thinking of what they aren't doing, I will try and focus on what they have done. Because, honestly we are human and cannot be everything to everyone. Sometimes our lives get in the way of being there for others.
Recently I've had to deal with some people who are disingenuous, selfish, unforgiving and gossipers. Of those I say "I can be thankful for these difficult people in my life, for they have shown me how not to be!" Those people often are so worried about talking behind your back they cant fix the faults in theirs. So I've chosen to not give them too much thought, except what I don't want to be like!
Another way that I fit in the character of being self-centered is I worry too much about my looks, or how people perceive me, or if people like me. Again, when I do this, I'm giving this too much thought!
I don't think I can keep doubt about myself from creeping in from time to time. The solution is not to believe it. I'm trying to figure out how to do that.
Just yesterday, I read in my devotion "Breakfast with Jesus" by Greg Laurie how John the Baptist prepared the way for Christ. When Christ started His ministry John said about Christ "He must increase, but I must decrease" He prepared the way for Christ by proclaiming His coming. I think we too need to proclaim Jesus to people but I often let myself get in the way of that. I think too much about me. I need less of me and more of HIM. I need to worry more of how things reflect on Christ than how they reflect on me.
How can I do this? I'm not sure. I'm still pondering this. Again it's a battle of the mind. I want to not worry about what others think and be more humble. I want to share God's word without worrying how people will take it.
Yesterday on Facebook I read where someone was really attacking people for praying to "a magical person in the sky". One person stood up to him and proclaimed her faith. He continued to belittle God and prayer and anyone who would believe such nonsense. I realized one thing as I read his comments, this atheist was being inflated by the chance to attack God. I didn't want to feed his ego. But I thought, Saul of Tarsus was a great persecutor of Christians. But God (not man) chose to reach him. God stopped him in his tracks and turned him into Paul, the man that wrote most of the New Testament. Saul, renamed Paul, the persecutor of Christians, who went on to preach to many about Jesus Christ and even gave up his life for the gospel.
So as I see it, no matter what I say or do, how people accept or don't accept what I stand for, ultimately it's in God's hands. I should never give myself too much credit. I think this is my answer. If I think too much of what I say, I must realize that it's not about me. Its about HIM.
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