When I am Discouraged

by Lorie Reading on Monday, March 7, 2011 at 12:40pm

from Facebook note

"Sorrow is not a stanger to any of us, though only a few have learned that is is not our enemy either." -John and Stasi Eldredge* "Happiness is solely based on our circumstance, while contentment transcends our circumstances."* Contentment is in the soul.
I'm troubled by the belief that Christians should always be happy. This is so far from the truth. Jesus said "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death." Mark 14:34 and He went and prayed. David said "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?" but he also said "I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!" Psalm 43:5 So many people have thorns or adversary in their life. Sometimes they have to live with it their whole lives. However, as Christians we don't have the promise of joy, joy, joy all the time, but help in our suffering. "When things went wrong in people's lives, whether it was about their physical or spirtitual condition or some tragedy that happened to them, I don't recall Jesus ever looking for the hand of God in it. Instead, he had compassion on suffering people."*
Our community lost 2 people to suicide last week. One was a neighbor and a client of mine. I cannot relate to the devastation it caused his family. Can anyone really understand it? I don't know the pain he was experiencing or the torment of his inner demons. As a wise old man told me, "Nobody knows the pain he might of been going through" Sometimes pain is emotional. So until you've walked in someone's shoes... I don't believe suicide is the answer however I don't want to judge the person.
"The last thing a trouble person needs is to be judged."* What I need when I get in a pit of depression or heartache is to be in communion with God and really listening for his voice. Our noisy world keeps that voice out. "There are fewer and fewer oases of silence in our noisy world. Communication has higher value for us than contemplation. Information is in greater demand than reflection." -Barbara Brown Taylor* I have a hard time when I get down to really reflect on God's word or pray. It's the last thing Satan wants me to do. This is spiritual war. We are equipped as Christians to deal with things if we use the tools God gave us, prayer and His Word.
"For our present trouble are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. for the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see wil last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:17,18 This world is not my home.
"Adversaity reveals genius, Prosperity conceals it" -Roman Poet Horace* Don't get to caught up in things.
"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Matthew 16:26
Most of these words were not my own but just pieces of wisdom I've gleened from the Bible and others.

*excerpts from the book "Living with Thorns" Mary Ann Froehlich
Bible verses taken from the New Living Translation

Giving

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
THE POOR AND LONELY AND SAD,
The more of you heart's possessing
Returns to you glad.

-John Greenleaf Whittier

I am overwhelmed by the gifts I hear people are buying at Christmas. I feel obligated to keep up with the Jones'. I worry that Erik will return to school and upon comparing Christmas gifts with the other kids he will feel shorted. But I refuse to give into this material pressure. It is not the gifts that will make him happy. But the time spent with his family. As I watched him pogo around the cabin we rented for Roger's birthday or as he and Roger play the video game Erik bought him we are creating a memory that the toy itself cannot compare with. Toys, and things get discarded, we get bored with them. If we could just give a little more to the poor, lonely and sad and a little less to ourselves I believed we'd receive more joy. I have a family that is blessed with all their needs and then some. I know there are so many without. There are so many I wish I could just share with. Still I cannot fix the world's problems: the hunger, the abuse, the sad, the lonely, or even global warming. But I can try and make a difference in small ways. In the end it is God who is in control and no matter how much man tries to fix things we can't. We all play just a small part in this great big world.

Luke 14:12 Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

It is fun to give to our loved ones, especially little children whose faces light up when they open a present. It is great to show our love through thoughtful gifts. I enjoy preparing a special meal for friends and family. I think there is so much pressure sometimes with the buying, the preparing, and it is harder and harder to find the perfect gift. I think the perfect gift I could get from my children would be a letter each year from each of them that tells me of the happy memories from that year, or what they appreciate and are thankful for. I wish I'd thought of it sooner so I could of started sending one to my mom each year. Only a mom could appreciate a gift like that. Or maybe we all could???

"Contentment is destoyed by comparison"-Steve Farrar

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=2007-3-5

Listen to this to hear a family inspiring broadcast!

Do you remember the last time you felt true contentment? When you didn't want more money, more time, more things? I remember a fall day when Rog, Erik and I were riding our 4-wheeler. The sun was shining and the day was beautiful. While Rog and Erik rode in the woods I tooled around on my bike. The wildflowers were blooming in the fields, the clouds were puffy white. I felt blessed, contented. We were having fun as a family and the pressures of life were oblivious for that moment. Think about your moment of contentment.

Putting Our Backs to the Past

"We must remember that we're each in process. We each have the messy, the mundane, and the delightful in our lives to a greater or lesser degree at one time or another. The most destructive thing we can do is envy others their triunph, rejoice in their messiness, or become discouraged by our own in relation to others'."- Sarah Zacharias Davis from "Confessions from an Honest Wife"

I read this and it seemed relavent to what I just wrote in The Day to Day to Day to Day STUFF.

Today in church Pastor Jim (a visiting pastor) talked about "Embracing the journey to fulfill your destiny" and "Moving foward living with our backs to the past." I've known people that say they have no regrets in life. Usually they say this because every decision we make, makes us who we are. I do regret decisions I've made. But I hope I've also learned from them. I know somethings that seemed so hard at the time have changed my life is such a remarkable way. I've asked God many times "Why?" Sometimes we never see the reason. Sometimes we just see that God will open another door. The world teaches us not to forgive. It teaches us to not get mad to get even. Sometimes we let our old hurts keep us from moving forward. As a demostration the congregations all got balloons and blew them up. Thinking of someone that had hurt us, a parent, a friend, a sibling, etc...Then we all let go of the balloon and let the hurt go. It was neat seeing all the balloons fluttering around releasing air, releasing peoples hurts. Most people have hurts. As Pastor Jim said some people may not even know they've hurt you. I can think of many instances where I've had to let things go. Sometimes it's taken years. It is hard, but we are freer if we can live with our backs to the past.

The Day to Day to Day to Day STUFF

I use to keep a journal where I only wrote when I was angry, hurt or discouraged. My online journal has mostly been positive stuff. But I do have my bad days. It is damp, dreary and late-February. I long to get away someplace warm. I thought it'd be fun to someday take off to the ocean spontaneously and sit on a deck overlooking the ocean, read and relax. Somewhere that I could be catered to. Someone would make my bed, fix my breakfast, lunch and dinner and then clean up after me. That's a vacation and as things stand now I can't anticipate one of those soon. It's disheartening, even though I know life could be so much worse. Not having a vacation is not a big problem. But I think it is natural to feel a little "fed up with life"time to time. You get tired of your job, you feel taken for granted, you are sick to death of cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes,etc...It's the everyday things that we struggle through that sometimes bare down on us and put us in a funk. Roger often complains that management at work doesn't appreciate him. He gets discouraged. In my situation no one is asking me to do more work. At home I don't have a time clock. I don't have a paycheck. I don't get overtime. I do have an internal meter that judges my worth by how clean my house is, how well my family is taken care of, how much money I contribute to expenses, how healthy we eat, how adjusted my family is, how much my family recognizes my hard work. I'm not feeling recognized. I cleaned the kitchen all morning last Thursday. I cleaned the refrigerator top to bottom, I cleaned the oven. I wiped down all the counters, baseboards, cabinets, appliances and bottom half of the walls. Someone noticed a cob-web on the ceiling!!! Housework is truly a thankless job. No one notices what has been done only when "their jeans haven't been washed!" I will clean the floors to only find track marks the next day, even when we are all careful not to track in. I am constantly bombarded with dishes piling around the sink, laundry to be done. Then, who in their right mind wants to grocery shop on a sloppy, messy, damp, cold day like today!! For days I've planned my menu items for next week. Let's see we are out of sugar, PB (because the Peter Pan was contaminated!) We need mushroom soup for chicken casserole. I need french fries to go with the chicken patties that the boys can eat when I take Jess shopping for her birthday Sunday. I'd love to have someone else plan and fix my meals! And I'm sick to death of being on a freakin' budget! I'd love to go for a pedicure, buy some clothes (even at a resale store!) I didn't get paid last week for missing work on a snow day, so I got behind. That's nothing new, I'm always behind. I think most people can relate to some of these things. Sometimes we compare our lives to others. If only I had so and so's money I could do this and this. If only I was retired. If only I worked for myself. If only I was union. If only I had a housekeeper like so and so. If only I could take vacations in the winter. If only I just worked 9-5. If only I could stay at home. Okay, Okay I've got to have my pity party. Now to insert what I wrote just last month*
*My word is Faith
{I am in a funk. It is January, my boss is in the Caribbean and I am blue. I don’t have any real crisis in my life. I just am tired of day to day. I read a devotion this week about not concentrating on the negative. I copied the thought of the day on my kitchen blackboard, “Change negative attitude to positive by trusting God for the future”-Bible seeds devotion. Then Sunday in church, Linda talked about envisioning a snowball rolling down a hill with fresh snow, building and growing. Now envision a snowball rolling down a hill with dirty, sandy snow, growing and building with gravel and dirt in it. When we let the negative in our lives it is like that dirty snowball effect. She said that God put it on her heart to allow more positive influence in her life, through worship music, reading the Bible, etc. Then another friend of ours, Ed told Rog that his word for the year was Faith. I thought I’ll try that. I’ll have faith that all things will work out. Yet I’ve found myself worrying over and over about the same things. I worry about how Kevin will afford college; will he get grants, scholarships? Will he have too much debt? I felt that God was telling me that he’d take care of it. I also had other worries. So there is an ugly snowball effect of negativity. I don’t like feeling this way. I do know there is an up side to all this. Kevin can go to college. God is taking care of all my family and has a plan. We are able to pay our bills; we have the things we need. My kids have had the truth instilled in them. I know that Rog is eating a little better. I may not be in the Caribbean but I am where God wants me and He will see me through.} " Faith is a lot like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger you grow."-Greg Laurie
So I did better for awhile. Then I got in my funk again. Isn't that the way life is? "I get up but I get kicked back down again" Well, life could be worse. I did a couple's hair 2 weeks ago. They are housebound. She has MS, was paralyzed from a surgery, he can't work because he has a bad heart and carpal tunnel syndrome. She needs him 24-7 'cause she is afraid to be left alone. They only get out for doctor appts. She'd probably love to be able to shop for herself again. I was dreading shopping that day, it was sub-zero. Monday we visited Jess and Kev's great-grandma. She lives by herself. She has a lot of family but is still alone most of the time. She told me "to enjoy my rides with Roger" (he was going to drive with me to Plymouth to take Jess and Camdyn home). She said that she misses her drives with her husband who has been deceased 19 years. They use to ride together to get farm machinery parts. I am thankful for my family, my home, etc.
Again as Clifford said "God works on the heart to change the mind (Change negative to positive) Satan works on the mind to change the heart.(Giving us a bad attitude) Everyday we battle the mind. Psalms 42:11 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." I need a change of heart.
PS I am still glad that I don't have to get up at 5am, drive for an hour to work and then work for 8 hours at Worthington, then drive home and hour! You have it harder, Rog!
PSS If you need some cuteness in your life, add a smile by looking at a new site I found http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/

Temporal Things

"What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul." Matt. 6:20

I said I was going to write the awesome things about being an adult. First off, I have to say that I believe that this world is temporal. And all things that give enjoyment here are only for a moment. I think that we only find true contentment and happiness in this life thru faith in Jesus Christ. We can attain to gain financially, through career, education or success. These things can all be good, but do not prepare us for eternity. Preparation for eternity is only achieved thru simple faith. Not of works. Not how much you do. But simply by faith..."Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 I believe not because the Bible has been proven to me...but because I chose to believe. There are people who study the history of the Bible and can give you good reason to believe it theoretically. Then there are those who try to discredit it or question the deity of Christ like those believing works of fiction such as "The Davinci Code" For those looking for scientific evidence to believe the Bible they may find in thru such organizations as answersingenesis.org. I've believed since I was a child. Not that I haven't questioned things but what causes me to overcome these doubts are seeing the results of living things God's way as opposed to my way. I find it much easier to believe that God created this incredible world with all it's complexities rather than to believe it all evolved from an atom. I am amazed by the indescribable solar system. See the astronomy pictures of the day at antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html. Or the amazing Earth. See the earth science picture of the day at epod.usra.edu/.
I have found that material things only bring temporary happiness. I get enjoyment from a new car, new clothes, new house decor, etc. but they are soon the old car, the old clothes, the old decor. When I get bored with the mundane I try to make excitement out of the mundane. Like many people I'm sure, I have days where I feel like I'm sick too of working, worrying, living. So after I'm done with my pity party I realize life goes on and I am truly blessed. Of course it could be worse, right? So I look for ways to pull myself out of the quagmire of life and live. It truly is a wonderful life. So here are things about this temporal world that bring me pleasure.
Sunrises and sunsets.
Gentle rains.
walks at dawn with Erik and Max.
a ride on the 4-wheeler at dusk with Roger.
music- Worship music, heals and uplifts my spirit. Classical, (listen to the young family of pianists "The 5 Browns"), this inspires me. Salsa, makes me want to dance. Christian, this gives me hope.
Books- The Bible, strengthens my faith. Self-help, gives me direction ( read "A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray if you've experienced hurt over a child). Fiction, helps me escape reality. Devotionals, helps me build on my faith (read "Irrepressible Hope" by 7 incredible faith-inspired authors)
Foods- Cajun anything! Chicago style hotdogs, cobb salad with blue cheese dressing, Red Lobster's biscuits, Chili's egg rolls, hot apple pie with ice cream, etc, etc.
Sitting by a fire.
Holding a baby.
Driving wherever I want...(when I was a child I often could not wait to drive to Lake Michigan and get out and dip my feet in, instead of sitting in the car while my parents drove by the lake!)
Ride on the back of a motorcycle with the wind on my face-this I did with my brother Paul who I miss and remember often.
Shopping at thrift stores- it is such a bargain that you feel good about the money you are not spending at Neiman Marcus. (Never shopped there by the way. Don't care either.)
Vacations- whether they are weekend trips or road/plane trips I enjoy every one of them. I may not have traveled worldwide yet but I get out of "Mayberry" now and then.
Laughing-with my family and friends or at myself. And of course at "I Love Lucy"
Meeting ordinary and extraordinary people. I've never met a president, an arch bishop or a celebrity but I've met very many interesting people. And old people have such good stories too!
So it may seem like childhood was the best days of my life and somedays I wish I could be a child again but with age comes experiences and appreciation. I have yet to experience- being a grandma, dancing at a child's wedding, retirement, menopause :)
True, life has it share of disappointments too. A song we sang in church today says, "Blessed be the name of the Lord... He gives and takes away... My heart will chose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord." God has given me much and taken away little. I hope that I will always be able to bless God thru the good and bad. I admire people such as Barbara Johnson who experienced a lot of heartache, deaths of 2 sons, an estranged son, her own sickness, etc and still keeps her faith. To trust the Lord that he has a greater purpose is the greatest demonstration of faith.

As a Man Thinks, So is He

My mother use to not allow me to say anything negative about one of my children. If I called them a brat she'd correct me saying if you call them a brat they'll act like a brat. In turn she'd tell them what good children they were. She loves the poem "Children Learn What They Live." "If a child lives with criticism, they learn to criticize...If a child lives with laughter, they learn to laugh", are some of the bits of wisdom from this poem.
This can also be applied to ourselves. We often beat ourselves up... I'm not thin enough...My house isn't clean enough...I'm not a strict enough parent...I'm too strict...I'm not as spiritual as others...These are things I tell myself. Instead we need to seek out the good things we do... I'm sometimes a strict parent but I want what is best for my children...I'm not strict enough sometimes but I can allow myself to make mistakes...I sometimes have a messy house but I spend time with my family...I may not be as spiritual as someone else but God sees the intent of my heart...I over indulge to relieve stress, but I don't' have to...
My desires don't have to dictate my actions!
We do need to recognize our faults and need to improve destructive behavior, whether it be gossiping, sexual indiscretion, over indulgence, etc. A very good rule of thumb to keep from allowing something to take over our lives is this quote by Samuel Smites...

"Sow a thought, reap an action;

Sow an action, reap a habit;

Sow a habit, reap a character:

Sow a character, reap a destiny."

-Taken from the book "Every Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge.

Also proverbs 27:12-

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it."

I know I've recognized disaster in my life before, kept going and suffered for it. However my thoughts are what started the whole mess. We cannot always control our thoughts but we can redirect them. As an old proverb states...

"You can't keep a bird from flying over your head,

but you can keep him from building a nest in you hair."

My resolutions for contentment

Choose to love myself and others,

Chose to forgive my mistakes and others,

Chose to be patient with myself and others,

Chose to accept imperfections in myself and others,

Chose to learn from my mistakes,

Chose to change destructive behavior,

Chose to do my best and no more,

Chose to love every line and wrinkle,

Chose to love every curve,

Chose to play, laugh and have fun!

I'd like to conclude with the fact that my mom takes every moment for what it is. I was so worried that she would be unhappy in a nursing home. I worried myself unnecessarily. Her frame of mind is positive. She is happy and content in her life. She may not remember what happened a few minutes earilier but she knows Who holds her future. We should all be so wise as she is.

"Life is about 10 percent how you make it...And 90 percent how you take it."-Barbara Johnson