What I Wish People Would Know About Me ~I am nothing without Christ

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny."
~ lyrics to "Christ Alone"

 

 

 

I am very moved by this song.  I think because anytime I hear about the blood of Jesus cleansing me it reminds me of why I love Him so much, why my Faith is renewed, how I've needed that cleansing blood in my life!

I wasn't always living for Christ.  I spent many years, living for myself.  I believed but I didn't want to serve.  I wanted to serve my own purposes, my own pleasures.  I often thought of my soul and if during this time I'd be lost if I died.  I believe God had a greater purpose for me even while I was serving my own purpose.  He didn't allow me to die because He had called me to live for Him at a very young age. 

I was first baptised at the young age of about 6.  I loved Sunday School, I loved the Bible, I loved Jesus.  So at a little Baptist church that I often went to by myself  (we lived across the street) I asked to be baptised and the pastor told me the significance of Baptism.  I was washing away the sinful man (which at the age of 6 I'm sure my sins were not very significant but I still had a selfish heart) and I was rising out of the water as a new child of God.  Not one that would just live for Him on Sunday, but one who would read her Bible, communicate with God through prayer and try to live a pure life that God choose for me.  Not to hinder me, but to bless me.  Not to make me a robot who mindlessly believed, followed and served out of obligation, but a true Christian who sought Him with her heart and felt His presence in the good times and the bad times.  I had a great example, of course, in my mom.  And my dad for 11 short years.  My parents were flawed, but they also were forgiven as I learned through my years I would be too. 

My faith remained strong, I thought.  Until I was going through my mid twenties.  Life was not all I expected.  I wanted excitement.  I didn't like to go to church anymore because it left me with convictions.  Convictions that were not forced upon me but that were coming from my heart (where God continued to dwell)  I tried to put out of my mind the gentle tugs from God.  I walked deeply into a lifestyle that spiraled into sin.  I made decisions that felt good at the time, they were pleasurable and I even felt justified.  I thought why shouldn't I do this, I'm an adult I've not experienced this or that, what am I missing?  I won't go into the sins I committed (I'll leave you guessing) unless you really know me then you probably were there with me watching me struggle.  This path I stayed on for 10 years. 

I went through divorce at this time and felt angry with God.  I wondered how he could take away the very thing I thought He blessed.  But He didn't take it away, we ruined it with one bad decision after another.  I still blamed God and even the church for not caring enough.  It wasn't God, it wasn't the church.  It was an evil liar who comes in the form of pleasure/temptation that made me believe God didn't love me.  Sound familiar to the serpent in the Garden of Eden? 

I met my husband now and we were two very different people. After being engaged I finally told him that I didn't want to sit at home and worry who he was with or when he'd be home from the bar with his friends.  This is not who I wanted to be married to.  I wasn't perfect of course.  But he stopped going to bars and I was happy.  We didn't live a wild lifestyle but we didn't live for any purpose than our own.  We raised our kids the best we could but they often witnessed some bad decisions. 

We often talked about what we believed about God and the Bible.  My husband had some mixed feelings because of his upbringing, which a very forced and mechanical religion played into that.  I remember sharing with him my beliefs but still felt like I couldn't live the life I once did.  I felt like I was never going to be able to restore my faith. 

We started looking for a church to try to piece together our lives and have a foundation to raise our kids on.  Once in church again, the songs stirred up feelings in me.  Especially songs like "At the Cross" or "Oh the Blood of Jesus"  So I got baptized again when my husband decided to confirm his faith.  He was really digging in.  He was studying the Bible and his faith was growing.  Mine was getting there but I sometimes felt I was just clinging to his faith instead of my own.  I was still having a hard time putting my trust in God again.  He hadn't let me down, put I still believed He had.  I believed my life should of been perfect when I was trying to be a good Christian.  And when it was less than perfect I blamed God. 

I didn't get what I so profoundly understand now.  People that truly put their trust in God withstand the trials of life and they grow through them.  God allows his children hard times so they learn and they learn to help others.  I often resented my husband because even though I called him my spiritual leader I felt he was better than me.  I had an opportunity to allow God to keep me from a painful situation but I choose to ignore Him and do what I wanted.  This is where that led if you care to read this poem I wrote. http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/07/my-spirit-struggled-i-heard-whispering.html

However today I have to say God has been working in my life and I've felt redeemed, forgiven and my faith restored beyond what it ever was.  My childlike faith has turned into a deeper faith I feel.  One that I depend on in good and bad times.  One I believe will be rewarded not in this life, but in my next.  I may still be tempted to make selfish decisions and I may mess up but I know that God is available to provide me a way out though if I just listen to Him.

 

 

 

"In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand"

~lyrics from "Christ Alone" 

Being "Put Off" by Christianity

I've recently joined a women's christian facebook group.  What I love about it is the realness of the women.  We share our lives with each other and we don't judge. 
As Christians we need to present ourselves as humans, not extraordinary beings. We need to have many facets to our lives.  If we go around only preaching to people we tend to turn them off.   I am often put off by people who only share scripture but don't share other aspects of their lives.
We need to be relatable to other people presenting ourselves as multifaceted. We can show our true colors, our interests, how we enjoy this beautiful life God is giving us. We can even show our shortcomings, how we might doubt or how we might fear. This makes us real to those around us, so they might think it's possible to be a Christian. Being "religious" often makes people indifferent or repels them.
Jesus told stories of which people could relate to about real life, parables. Jesus made himself real to the fisherman, the tax collectors, the prostitutes. He told stories they could relate to unlike the pharisees who only read from the scriptures and didn't relate to people. If we go around only preaching to people we tend to turn them off.
This doesn't mean we are to act like the world.  I'm not saying join in on the sinful behavior of the world to win them. We still need to stand apart and stand for what we believe.  We shouldn't hurt the Christian name by flaunting to the world our sins.  But showing God's grace because we do sin is a living example. 
Working in a secular world, my husband can not exclude himself from hearing God's name used in vain, people who gossip, people who mock God or His people.  It is not always easy to let these things slide.  But I've also slipped, laughed at a distasteful joke, gossiped or cursed.  But what I can do is show that I've not lost my faith because of it.  So many of the people in the Bible were flawed.  Moses often got angry, David committed murder and adultery, Peter denied Christ.  Yet these were the men God used to further His kingdom.
Some people will always be haters of the word of God.  These people we can't change, only God can.  But we can love them.

Luke 18:9-14

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
~scriptures taken from www.biblegateway.com

My Struggle

I looked the devil in the eye and let him in.
At first the emotions seemed exciting...breathless
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I turned to the right and then to the left,
Behind me a voice called,
"This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:21)
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I ignored the voice.
My selfishness was greater,
The excitement became an insatiable feeling.
It gripped at my life not letting go.
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I chose not to listen.
The excitement turned to confusion
This felt greater than myself
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I was in a dark cloud
I had grieved the Holy Spirit
I was seperated from God
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
As dominos my faith kept falling
One selfish behavior gave way to another
Where was my way out?
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
The excitement had turned to a tearing heartache
Only then did I see God...
Always there, whispering...
the word of God spoke to my hurting soul
"Put on the whole armor of God to withstand" (Ephesians 6:11-13)
Withstand and be proud of my choices
Don't let my emotions rule me
Know I am fighting the good fight.
My spirit was lifted
I listened to the whispering...


"If you want to change, if you want to break free from a vice that has you in its grip, a lifestyle you are trapped in, or an addiction that you can't seem to shake, then Christ has a word of encouragement to you: 'Get up and walk. You can do it. Be of good cheer, and arise.'(Mark 2:1-5)

Addictions and Obsessions

I watch Dr. Phil regularly and even though I get extremely frustrated with the dramatics I am interested in human psychology. It is disturbing to see that behind many white picket fences there are so many human concerns. I remember being young and believing I was invincible. My faith was unshakable, my marriage was stable, my morals were intact, etc. Then human imperfection got in the way. I use to say, "I would never..." Never say never. Some of the things I have witnessed on the Dr. Phil show have definitely seemed unconventional. And yes, there are things I don't believe I'd ever do that I see on there. However, I believe that many of us have a "Sin which doth so easily beset us" Hebrews 12:1, obsessions, addictions that we may always battle with. Whether it is alcoholism, drug use, bulimia, cutting, anger management, pornography, an unhealthy relationship, etc., an obsession or addiction can take over your once calm life and turn your days into constant frustration. It can come from out of nowhere or it could stem from a deeper root. If allowed to breed it can destroy your life and others. Sometimes even harmless behaviors can escalate into a consuming obsession. I've watched interviews where normal people become addicted to things and they have become so consumed that their families were suffering too. In fact they made a show to glamorize this, called "Desperate housewives" (I've never personally watched it). Affairs, pill addictions, shop lifting, lying, deception, greed, jealousy, etc are good TV, Why? I don't know. Look at our soaps, our talk shows. Well, it might be good TV but it's not "good real life"! It's miserable. Mark 7: 20-21 "It is the thought-life that defiles you. For from within, out of a person's heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy , slander, pride and foolishness." New Living Translation.
I think our family structure may be destroyed if we don't seek help. Where does one find help from obsessions and addictions? First I had to want to be free from my obsession. I couldn't live like that anymore. Personally I believe finding professional guidance to break free is essential. Then having people in your life to find you accountable for your actions, people who will not sugar coat things for you but tell you the truth. To protect against obsessions and addictions I believe in seeking God with all your heart through prayer and Bible study. Naturally avoiding the thing that causes your weakness 100% will keep you guarded. Lastly, associating with people who will make you stronger, people that too have went through something similar and triumphed! Then don't ever think yourself invincible again. For even King David (a man after God's own heart, Acts 13:22 ) was tempted and sinned. (2 Samuel 11) Being through an obsession myself has made me more aware of the infallibility of mankind. I hope I am more forgiving and sympathetic. But of course there are things to me that seem unforgivable. I am mortified and bewildered at the shear evilness of some human beings. "Lord, how long will the wicked, how long will the wicked triumph?" Psalm 94:3 But for those wishing to be released and absolved there is forgiveness, there is prevalence.
**There is a powerful video by "Third Day" called "Cry Out to Jesus" at music.yahoo.com/musicvideos type in "Cry Out to Jesus" to watch/listen. Powerful!!!!