Face Time

 

I wasted my Sunday yesterday.  I got on the computer about 3pm and wasn't off til 10:30 pm.  Then as I cleaned kitchen and made my husbands lunch, I got very sad.  My husband and son were now asleep.  I didn't do anything family oriented or spend "face time" with them since we returned from church. I am happy we went to church!  But I began to cry, not just a little but alot (i'm on new meds for nerve pain, get to that later)  I was sobbing when I went to bed and woke my husband.  He was so tired, he gets up at 4 am.  His reply was we will reassess this in the morning and see how I feel and he mentioned again that he thinks my crying is because of  my medicines. 
Sometimes he complains when I'm texting or on computer, yesterday I believe he was relieved.  Relieved because the last 3 weeks I can't stop talking. I also talk to my cats, my plants, a silk moth cocoon that I saved in a jar for my grandson.  I also am so energetic, almost ephoric, I am hypersensitve to sounds around me, more aware of beauty of life (I'm on a high).  I like this high, really, most of the time!  But come supper time or last night at bed time, I crash.  The energy, the lack of focus, it gets to me.  I get overwhelmed.  Then I cry or more like sob.  I feel like a 3 year old.  My emotions are at their peak and can turn on and off instantly! 
Back to wasting my time.  I am gonna try to be more disciplined on time I spend on electronics!  And the summer is OH SO SHORT.  I don't want to waste it.  My family is most important to me and even though they probably need a break from me, I want to be more present with them.  And hopefully get my meds changed (or off them completely) so I'm more normal again.  I was a little crazy, unfocused, hyper without them.   Just praying the depression does not come back!   I am getting Physical Therapy to help with pain management so I may not need meds, I'm hoping! 

Being "Put Off" by Christianity

I've recently joined a women's christian facebook group.  What I love about it is the realness of the women.  We share our lives with each other and we don't judge. 
As Christians we need to present ourselves as humans, not extraordinary beings. We need to have many facets to our lives.  If we go around only preaching to people we tend to turn them off.   I am often put off by people who only share scripture but don't share other aspects of their lives.
We need to be relatable to other people presenting ourselves as multifaceted. We can show our true colors, our interests, how we enjoy this beautiful life God is giving us. We can even show our shortcomings, how we might doubt or how we might fear. This makes us real to those around us, so they might think it's possible to be a Christian. Being "religious" often makes people indifferent or repels them.
Jesus told stories of which people could relate to about real life, parables. Jesus made himself real to the fisherman, the tax collectors, the prostitutes. He told stories they could relate to unlike the pharisees who only read from the scriptures and didn't relate to people. If we go around only preaching to people we tend to turn them off.
This doesn't mean we are to act like the world.  I'm not saying join in on the sinful behavior of the world to win them. We still need to stand apart and stand for what we believe.  We shouldn't hurt the Christian name by flaunting to the world our sins.  But showing God's grace because we do sin is a living example. 
Working in a secular world, my husband can not exclude himself from hearing God's name used in vain, people who gossip, people who mock God or His people.  It is not always easy to let these things slide.  But I've also slipped, laughed at a distasteful joke, gossiped or cursed.  But what I can do is show that I've not lost my faith because of it.  So many of the people in the Bible were flawed.  Moses often got angry, David committed murder and adultery, Peter denied Christ.  Yet these were the men God used to further His kingdom.
Some people will always be haters of the word of God.  These people we can't change, only God can.  But we can love them.

Luke 18:9-14

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
~scriptures taken from www.biblegateway.com

How to Change Who we are?

I have this vicious cycle I am on.  I feel guilt for many things and in return I cause guilt by complaining when people don't meet my expectations.  Example...I feel guilty because I am not working and my husband is working ALOT!  I have pain, but it comes and goes, so I have good and bad days. On my good days, I think I should be working. Sometimes I have a good day turn into a bad day because I do too much.  I want to feel productive and like I'm contributing to society, but I don't feel I am.  So I feel guilty.  Then I feel angry at people, mainly my husband, when he doesn't recognize my pain.  Example...I stand at the stove and cook, my knees aching and stabbing pain in my neck but I won't stop and lie down.  I wait and expect my husband to see the pain I'm in and sympathize, offer to take over.  I do this with other's too but mostly I leave my highest expectations for my husband.  He is a great guy and always my biggest supporter.  I usually voice my complaints.  I just think I've voiced them so much that people have stopped hearing them.  Why should I complain when others have it so much worse.  There is that guilt again.   How to change who we are?  That's a tough one!

140 Characters or Less

"There are fewer and fewer oases of silence in our noisy world. Communication has higher value for us than contemplation. Information is in greater demand than reflection" -Barbara Brown Taylor
I once reflected on many things and wrote lengthy and somewhat boring blogs. Lately I've noticed that I tend to only read things summed up in a short paragraph or two. I also think of my thoughts, "If it can't be said in 140 characters of less it is not worth saying. I've become a product of the texting and facebooking generation.
I think there is something to be said about few words and silence. Times to be quiet and hear what God is trying to say to us. Times to listen to others instead of worrying about what I have to say myself.

Love The One You're With

Recently I watched "Shadowlands" an HBO movie about the unconventional marriage of C.S. Lewis (authour of Chronicles of Narnia). He stated "God doesn't necessarily want us to be happy. He wants us to love and be loved. We think childish toys bring us all the happiness there is and our nursery is the whole wide world. Something must drive us out of the nursery to the world of others and that something is suffering." Upon the recent anniversary of 911 I would agree that suffering drove people to care about the world of others. I watched a TV reinactment about a man that was unable to escape the building because he became too winded to descend anymore stairs. One man stayed with him and died with him. I wonder if the man that had gave up had truly felt any self-worth. His wife said that she didn't believe that he knew how important he was to so many. How many people don't feel valued. C.S. Lewis said God wants us to love and be loved. I think that God does want us to be happy just not forget what is important, love. "These are three things that will endure- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corithaians 13:13
Not to give the story line away but C.S. Lewis did learn that we sometimes only truly value something if we are going to lose it. Roger says "You only grow thru trials and that is why God doesn't want you to stay too comfortable." I've learned to love Roger more deeply in the trials we've gone thru together. Some would argue that romantic love is fleeting but I haven't given up yet. If I think about the reasons I feel in love they were purely selfish. It was about how Rog made me feel about myself. Too often life gets in the way and we stop making each other feel as special, valued. So it's an effort to stay in love. It takes lots of communication and letting each other know our needs. I've never had a problem saying what I need. Of course even when I don't say it Roger knows when something is amiss.

As a Man Thinks, So is He

My mother use to not allow me to say anything negative about one of my children. If I called them a brat she'd correct me saying if you call them a brat they'll act like a brat. In turn she'd tell them what good children they were. She loves the poem "Children Learn What They Live." "If a child lives with criticism, they learn to criticize...If a child lives with laughter, they learn to laugh", are some of the bits of wisdom from this poem.
This can also be applied to ourselves. We often beat ourselves up... I'm not thin enough...My house isn't clean enough...I'm not a strict enough parent...I'm too strict...I'm not as spiritual as others...These are things I tell myself. Instead we need to seek out the good things we do... I'm sometimes a strict parent but I want what is best for my children...I'm not strict enough sometimes but I can allow myself to make mistakes...I sometimes have a messy house but I spend time with my family...I may not be as spiritual as someone else but God sees the intent of my heart...I over indulge to relieve stress, but I don't' have to...
My desires don't have to dictate my actions!
We do need to recognize our faults and need to improve destructive behavior, whether it be gossiping, sexual indiscretion, over indulgence, etc. A very good rule of thumb to keep from allowing something to take over our lives is this quote by Samuel Smites...

"Sow a thought, reap an action;

Sow an action, reap a habit;

Sow a habit, reap a character:

Sow a character, reap a destiny."

-Taken from the book "Every Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge.

Also proverbs 27:12-

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it."

I know I've recognized disaster in my life before, kept going and suffered for it. However my thoughts are what started the whole mess. We cannot always control our thoughts but we can redirect them. As an old proverb states...

"You can't keep a bird from flying over your head,

but you can keep him from building a nest in you hair."

My resolutions for contentment

Choose to love myself and others,

Chose to forgive my mistakes and others,

Chose to be patient with myself and others,

Chose to accept imperfections in myself and others,

Chose to learn from my mistakes,

Chose to change destructive behavior,

Chose to do my best and no more,

Chose to love every line and wrinkle,

Chose to love every curve,

Chose to play, laugh and have fun!

I'd like to conclude with the fact that my mom takes every moment for what it is. I was so worried that she would be unhappy in a nursing home. I worried myself unnecessarily. Her frame of mind is positive. She is happy and content in her life. She may not remember what happened a few minutes earilier but she knows Who holds her future. We should all be so wise as she is.

"Life is about 10 percent how you make it...And 90 percent how you take it."-Barbara Johnson