How are We to Become Bitter or Better People

I don't want to be a bitter person.  I want to be a better person. I have been around some negative and bitter people.  While I don't see myself as being bitter, yet, I've definately been negative.  I often wonder, will I become bitter if I become sick, or when I experience loss or when I become so old I've lost enjoyment in life?  I don't want to be. 
So how do I prevent it? I like what C.S. Lewis said "faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances."
How do you keep your faith in the midst of loss, depression, sickness, growing old?  I believe it's by talking to God.  Really, really praying through the hard times.  When you don't feel it, keep believing it.
I've also met some very positive people who amaze me at their tenacity.  My husband's grandma comes to mind.  She is 94 years young.  When you ask her how she is, she shrugs her shoulders and says, "why complain, what good does it do?"  She is right.  Complaining may unburden you for awhile but it also slips into your spirit and makes you weaker. 
I don't imagine myself being someone who fights hard to live when life gets tough.  I don't imagine myself being a gracious old person.  I often worry as I grow old and see love ones die, my body fail me, and my memory slip away that I'll be a grumpy old person.  I don't want to be that so I must keep in constant communion with Jesus.
I seen such strength in my mom.  I didn't recognize it when I was young.  But she was a young widow at 51.  She raised me by herself, she always had a heart for others, she had a positive outlook.  Then she spent many years alone.  But she wasn't truly alone because she had a constant companion.  She had a friend always present to listen to her cries.  She had Jesus. 
I hope if there is anything that gets me through this sometimes joyous and sometimes painful life, it will be my faith in Christ.
"Behold I am with you always.  Even until the end of the world" Matthew 28:20

What Really Matters.

I've put my housework on hold 'cause I feel the need to write something on my mind. I was feeling sorry for myself 'cause things I'd like to do and see happen aren't happening for me now. Then God brought to mind those post's on Facebook that I'd read earlier of people who are struggling with sickness in their lives and families lives.
So what does really matter?
I went through about two years of depression. It wasn't the worse depression. It was a nagging feeling that I didn't want to live life. It started I believe with a post traumatic event. After I watched my mother-in-law die of cancer. She so wanted to live. She kept believing she would. When she passed I kind of gave up hope of miracles. Then I experienced my own personal problems, with nerve pain and menopause. Then came the death of our beloved dog, my mom and brother-in-law. My mother's death even though anticipated and even longed for (because of her deteriorating condition) made me feel worried about my own future. Would I have Alzheimer's? Getting old was something I did not want to do!
For almost a month now I've felt better about life. I've started on a road to recovery, I hope. But most importantly I've learned that life is what you make it, to be cliche. You can either take the good times and really enjoy them or you can worry about the future. When you are down, you can hope for better days. That is all we have...hope.
If the petty things in life have taken over your thought process just read your homepage on facebook and you'll almost always find someone struggling. When it's you, share and other's will care. When it's not you, pray and lift other's up.
Thanks be to God that I don't have to be in control of my future. It's His and I just have to do the best with each moment He gives me.
My troubles are not over, I'm sure. I'll have plenty of bad days, feeling sorry for myself. But I thank God that Today... my family is healthy, my faith is intact, and I have people to care about and vice versa!

Peri-menopause may get me down but I'll get back up again!

This last couple of months I've been an irritable, complaining, depressed mess. I blamed it on peri-menopause. Being in my 40s started out great. I felt content mostly. I was okay with being 40. I wasn't so hard on myself. I was happy with the simple things in life. I didn't need drama anymore. I even felt a little more spiritual:) Well, then I started having wild mood swings. Of course I took it out on the one person who would take it, Rog. (My boss, Connie has offered him counseling) I just think I married a saint. He has been so supportive. I am the taker. Always have been. He's the giver. Then there is life. I've got so much to be thankful for. But I was starting to feel like I just rather not live another day. I'm not saying I'm past all that. I've just had a succession of good days (mainly since my period ended after 43 days) Some days I thought of how sick of living the day to day I was and wished myself dead. I would even contemplate it if I wasn't afraid of hurting the people I love, creating a terrible legacy, and of course the pain of dying itself!

Yeah, I've had some stress. The kind that comes with this time in my life. My mother having Alzheimer's and feeling guilty that I am not with her more (before she gets worse) I've dealt with a terminal illness with my mother-in-law in which while I was going thru it I didn't have time or energy to feel sorry for myself. Something in giving back, comforting others, makes one less self-focused. It was the worse and the best of times. Only cause it brought out a love and strength that only by the grace of God I could have mustard!

On top of aging parents there have been worries over grown children. Wanting to solve all their problems became a focus many times! I wanted to feel like I could or did make a difference and I often did not feel like I did or could!

Because of our economical struggle this year I stopped dreaming of a vacation or a new home. This was one of my lesser concerns but yet I felt cheated.

With all these issues I also suffered a pinched nerve that lasted 5 weeks and I couldn't sleep, sit or do anything comfortably. I was medicated and became frantic that I'd never get better or need surgery. In the middle of those 5 weeks I started the period that would not end. When I went to the doctor over my pinched nerve he assured me the nerve was healing, but the periods was not normal. He mentioned an ultra sound, biopsy and not putting the cart before the horse. So I started worrying about having the cancer that so horribly took my mother-in-law.

But in honesty I thought "What if I have to take time of work" Would that be so bad? I had gotten to hate my job cause I had to face people. How do you socialize when your life feels topsy turvy? My job is a social job and for the most part I've loved that about it. But how to you go to work and deal with the many personalities of people when you don't like anyone! I wanted to lay in bed and cry of which I did a few times. I never suffered hot flashes yet but I experienced a definite hormonal imbalance.

I wasn't praying, I was barely reading my Bible. I was becoming desensitized, numb, dull. I told God I just didn't want to live. I wondered how I can be a Christian and not feel any joy. The days were bleak, the nights I gave away to as much sleep as I could.

So what has changed...I'm not sure. I went to a GYN and he did some tests and wants to do a surgery on me called endometrial ablazion. It will basically help stop the shedding of the lining of my uterus so I won't have hardly anymore periods.

I don't think I'm thru the worse of this. I will probably still have some symptoms of this peri-menopausal stuff. I've been told it can last 7-10 years! I dread the bad days but I've read some things that have encouraged me and possibly opened my eyes.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" Proverbs 18:21 "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23 I need to be careful what I confess. If I speak positively I believe I can be positive. I'll let you know if it works:)

And from a new fav book of mine by Phil Callaway-"Laughing Matters, learning to laugh when life stinks"

"I was struck with the realization that if thankfulness comes from prosperity, then that is nice. I like prosperity...But what would I do should that prosperity end? If I am able to thank God for good health, that is a wonderful gift. But what will I do when sickness comes, when I am bedridden? When I am depressed?(my ad lib) Will I become bitter or miserable? Perhaps. but suppose I live each day thankful that Jesus Christ loves me? That He died to redeem me? That His love will never end, that His mercies are new every morning? Then my bank account does not have me at it's mercy, nor does my happiness depend on a doctor's prognosis. If I lose it all, I can still give thanks to God."

I'll let you know how that works for me too. It's easy to let life (or peri-menopause get you down) but God wants us to rely on His strength to get thru anything!

The Greatest Generation

"You're in the 'middle ages' - sandwiched between the 'greatest generation' and the 'gimme' generations" from Family Squeeze by Phil Callaway
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.

"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel

"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)