Does God Hear My Prayers?

I wasn't very close to my in-laws for many years.  Partially because we didn't understand one another.  I could elaborate on all the misunderstandings but instead I'd like to fast forward to where God changed that.
In the year 2007, my mother-in-law got cancer and we watched her go through many hard things.  I didn't understand why God didn't heal her?  It was during this time, our relationship changed.  I ended up caring for her in ways I never expected to.  We became close and  Roger grew closer to her too.  We also grew closer to my father-in-law and were able to share God's love to him.
After Beverly passed away (it was a painful and at the time seemed like a long process) we became dad's only family.  He needed us.

We were trying to sell our house to move to the farm.  It wouldn't sell and we questioned why God didn't answer our prayer?  Two years later, Dad had open heart surgery and we found out his heart was very weak and damaged.  We had several times we thought something was wrong because he didn't answer his phone and drove frantically over to the house to either find him sleeping or just getting back from a DQ run.  Then last spring, Roger made that trip to find him dead from a massive heart attack.  Dad went how he always said he wanted to go, on his feet.  However, it was traumatizing for us.
Suddenly we had two houses and quickly decided to live on the farm.  Instead of going in debt for a new house, we are able to add on to the farm house.  We were getting to keep the family home and have our dream house.  Who would of seen that?
Our other house still wouldn't sell.  I didn't understand why God didn't let it sell?  We had these great renters, whom i just thought were meant to live there.  I even prayed for them as we packed up the house.  I prayed they would be blessed in the home we'd raised our family in.  People would look at our house but not put in offers.  Our renters didn't have the credit for a loan.  Then when we'd given up hope almost, our Realtor helped them establish credit and buy the house.  I'm happy that a family I knew got our house!
These are just a few examples of prayers that didn't seem to be answered but brought about something good.
We miss our parents.  Roger and I now have no living parents.  And even though it's a natural part of life to lose your parents, we lost 3 parents in 5 years, including my mom who lived 14 years with Alzheimer.  And I have to say it wasn't easy and it's still sad.  I just dreamed the other night of my mom dying and relived being with her as she struggled to breath her last.  And I know people who lose children and spouses must suffer more.  I haven't been in their shoes and can't imagine that pain.  I just know through our circumstances, God did bring good out of the bad.  I hope this is encouragement to anyone going through difficult times right now.

Messages From Beyond?

We had something interesting happen the other day. Rog, Erik and I were at dad's picking up brush piles from the fields and on the radio was the song "You are my shining star" Which I reminded Erik was the song that gma Beverly's favorite bear "Ringo" played. We had gotten her the bear at the hospital once and it had a star on it's foot so she named it Ringo. We had put it in the casket with her when she died. After we were done working in the field I checked my cell phone which was on me in a case and there was a picture of Beverly on the screen. A picture that was taken 3 years ago and mixed in with lots of other pics on my cell. Erik commented "That's Weird" and Rog simply said "Mom is saying Hi" :)
This story is similar to a story shared by my sister. "Annette was down in Arkansas when Mom passed and we couldn't get in touch with her for a while. When we did Annette was very upset that we hadn't been able to let her know mom was so bad. She was crying and when she got into the truck with her friend her cell phone started making strange flashes, then up popped a picture of mom that she had in with all her other pictures"
Also shared by my sister, Mary who lost her husband of 50 years this past June, is this story. "One morning I woke up to the smell of Old Spice, and there isn't any Old Spice in the house. The smell was all through the house for most of the day. (This has happened once more time since then) Bill loved Old Spice but when he was so sick he couldn't wear it because the smell made him sick . The kids would always buy him the expensive after shave and we would always smile at each other because Old Spice was what he liked the best and me too because it is what Dad always wore and Bill had wore when we were going together."
And again a story by Mary about my brother-in-law. "at Christian's(their grandson) BD party...Bill had always wanted to get him a Nerf machine gun and Bill would always put it in the cart and I would have to tell him we couldn't buy it for Christian because his mom didn't want him to play with guns. But this year she called and said if I wanted to get the Nerf gun to go ahead and get it, because he was begging for one. So I did and it was the best thing he ever got, or so he said. After the party I told Bill(Jr) how happy Dad would have been seeing Christian so happy with the dart gun, as I was telling Bill this, he was folding up the birthday gift bags, he felt there was something inside one and tipped it over and emptied it into his hand, I saw the look on his face and asked, "What is it?" He showed it to me. It was one of the memory rocks that they had for Bill at the funeral home. I feel this was another way God has allowed Bill to let us know his precense is with us."
I had to share these stories for those who have lost loved ones so they may know that God doesn't stop caring about our sorrow. I believe He sometimes gives us these glimpses of our loved ones, even though they are physically gone from us. Feel free to share your stories with me. I'd love to hear them.

What Really Matters.

I've put my housework on hold 'cause I feel the need to write something on my mind. I was feeling sorry for myself 'cause things I'd like to do and see happen aren't happening for me now. Then God brought to mind those post's on Facebook that I'd read earlier of people who are struggling with sickness in their lives and families lives.
So what does really matter?
I went through about two years of depression. It wasn't the worse depression. It was a nagging feeling that I didn't want to live life. It started I believe with a post traumatic event. After I watched my mother-in-law die of cancer. She so wanted to live. She kept believing she would. When she passed I kind of gave up hope of miracles. Then I experienced my own personal problems, with nerve pain and menopause. Then came the death of our beloved dog, my mom and brother-in-law. My mother's death even though anticipated and even longed for (because of her deteriorating condition) made me feel worried about my own future. Would I have Alzheimer's? Getting old was something I did not want to do!
For almost a month now I've felt better about life. I've started on a road to recovery, I hope. But most importantly I've learned that life is what you make it, to be cliche. You can either take the good times and really enjoy them or you can worry about the future. When you are down, you can hope for better days. That is all we have...hope.
If the petty things in life have taken over your thought process just read your homepage on facebook and you'll almost always find someone struggling. When it's you, share and other's will care. When it's not you, pray and lift other's up.
Thanks be to God that I don't have to be in control of my future. It's His and I just have to do the best with each moment He gives me.
My troubles are not over, I'm sure. I'll have plenty of bad days, feeling sorry for myself. But I thank God that Today... my family is healthy, my faith is intact, and I have people to care about and vice versa!

What to expect when your love one is dying

I have been on the Internet today trying to find out what to expect with Beverly as she nears the end. I found good information at http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html. We've spent several hours with her over the last 4 days. Yesterday was especially hard cause she is having a hard time swallowing and had not ate or drank anything for the nurses. We offered to help her and they let us. Roger wanted me to try as I did the day before. I tried to get her to take sips of broth, and pop but could not tell if she really wanted them. I felt like I was forcing her. Her eyes would tear up and I just couldn't do it anymore, so Roger tried again. We had sat the head of the bed up which made her uncomfortable I could tell. I told Roger to put it back down again and let her rest comfortably. When we first came into the room and we waked her she said "Well, well, well." Sunday evening it took all she could do to say to us "Thank you for coming" It is heart wrenching. I've told Roger we need to let the nurses and hospice do their job and we just come and let her know we are there. Read to her, talk to her, soothe her (Rog rubs her head) but not try to force her to eat or drink. I also confirmed this when I read the info on the hospice site.

Dad cried on the way there. Rog touched his shoulder assuring him we are here for him. He keeps saying it's a natural part of life and he'll be fine. He says he doesn't like to see her suffer. She does have pain when she is moved and they've now placed a cathedar in. She has a bedsore that probably won't completely heal but they will treat. Her body is frail, her arms just skin and bone, her eyes hopelessly sad and glazed over. Hospice is good and the nursing home staff are excellent. I don't know how people manage at home with their loved ones during these last stages. I am glad for the time we had Beverly at home and she could sit up and interact with us still. Now I just want her to be comfortable. They will start a new pain med. Roxenal which she won't have to swallow since that is getting very hard.

My neighbor kept her mom home til she died. She said she wishes now she'd let her go to the nursing home. Some of the family wanted her alert, other's (my neighbor, her primary caregiver) wanted her pain free. There was conflict in the family. I think it'd be nice to have more family around us but since Rog is an only sibling there is just us. We do appreciate extended family, friends and the church that has called and offered their help. I am a little ticked about those who haven't called. I guess as I've said before you don't realize how important a card, an e-mail, a call can be until you've been thru this yourself. I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive those who find excuses not to help. I really need help with this! I have a few friends that are dealing with aging parents and illness. I hope I can be of some comfort to them because of my experiences. Kev called last night, he didn't ask how I was but I poured my heart out to him anyway. That's what we need...someone to just listen...and pray...and care.

On a positive note. Beverly's color is still good, she still will smile at us, she knows we are there. And my mom is awesome! I told her I was sorry I was neglecting her but Beverly needed me more and she was so understanding. I will take her to the dentist this Thursday...I hope it goes well, she has a broken tooth. I think God made mom a little better while we are going thru this with Beverly.

Camdyn turned 2 and Jess and Casey had a birthday party for him. He loved all his "cars" stuff and toys but threw his clothes!

Standing for Something "Greater" in this life

"By the grace of God I am what I am." 1 Corinthians 15:10

Yesterday evening a beloved man, Clifford, from our church passed away. He and his wife were the greeters at our church. He met everyone with a smile and a hug. He wore fun and interesting ties, sometimes he work a pink dress shirt. If you told him "God Bless you" he would reply "He already has" He loved God and had a geniune walk with Jesus. (See quote by Clifford in my blog "You gotta have heart") I was listening to a "Country Gospel" CD in memory of Clifford this morning. He loved hymns and recently sang "Nothing but the blood of Jesus" in church. I remember growing up hearing so many of the old hymns. I know many of them by heart. I sang some with my mom in church as a child. If you've been raised in church or if you've had parents or grandparents who sang these old hymns you've probably been touched by one. This morning I was moved to tears by the hymn "Just a Closer Walk with Thee"

I am weak, but Thou art strong;Jesus, keep me from all wrong;I'll be satisfied as long as I walk, let me walk close to Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Through this world of toil and snares,If I falter, Lord, who cares?Who with me my burden shares?None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
When my feeble life is o'er,Time for me will be no more;Guide me gently, safely o'erTo Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be."

I think that the older generation of christians are such an inspiration to me. Many of them have went through so much in their lifetimes. It has taken me many years to realize that the only way to keep your faith strong is to not falter in reading the Bible, praying and worshiping God. I've tried to live life on the fence. I've tried to have some of God and some of the world. But God never gave up on me. He still tugged at my heart. He draws me back time and time again.

My number one goal in life is to live my life as I've seen my dear friend Bonnie (who passed away December) and my christian brother Clifford. They have fought the fight, they have won the race. Hebrews 12:1"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." KJV

I'd rather stand for something, than nothing at all.