Empty Nest~ One More to Go

Some say that you naturally become ready for your children to leave.  I don't think it ever was natural for me.  I have struggled each time.  When Kevin left I still had Erik, age 11. see http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/08/emptying-nest.html  It was hard but I didn't go through what I'm going through now, feeling a lack of purpose.  My job is about done.
Not everyone parents the same.  I can not say I have the corner on how it's done.  But for some, 
being a mom may seem like it's a lifelong job but for me it really hasn't been.  Under our roof we provided and tried to protect them.  One day we had to stop providing and protecting them and let them learn from their mistakes.  Wow what a scary concept!  But what if I hadn't learned from mine?  What if my mother, a widow, clung to me to feel her own purpose?  No, she let me go. She let me struggle some.  She was there for love, encouragement, prayers.  She didn't kick me out saying, don't come back.  But I didn't want to come back.  I wanted to move on.  Like the mother eagle who slowly takes the cushion from the nest so that it is no longer comfortable, but kind of pokey.  Life is hard, they have to get use to it.
We were out of milk today.  Since last night was rather quarrelsome with my younger son, I decided to run up town while it was still very early and get milk and some donuts. I'm still providing that comfort.  I still am trying to protect and impact while I can.  Because despite what he says, he is not raised yet!  Not until he can provide a roof over his own head.  And if he doesn't do that, I suppose we will have to remove the comforts.  I haven't had to do that because each of my kids were more than ready to leave the nest!
He has very slowly started implementing his independence.  He wasn't like his sister who rebelled, or his brother who withdrew.  He still communicates with us and spends time with us.  But he is argumentative.  Come to politics, education, and even spiritual issues he has his own, very strong opinion.  And he wants it to be very different from ours.  Every other opinion is better than his parents.  Yes it bothers us sometimes.  But we know he is asserting his independence.  I didn't want to be like my mom.  Funny though, Now I do!  I admire her.  I aspire to be like her.
One more to go.  Then what?  My husband says I will still have him to take care of.  I smile and know this is true!  I should look forward to the carefree days of not caring for a child?  Not I!  I love taking care of my children.  It has been my life. 
I always want to be here for them but...I have learned to listen sometimes and not give advice.  I have learned to let them struggle a little and just pray for them.  I have learned that I can't not make them believe the way I do.  But I don't stop praying and trying to share my faith because this is the most important life decision they will have, where they will spend eternity.  And Oh how I hope it is in Heaven with me someday!  I have accepted each one of them for who they are, uniquely and individually made. 
I have been blessed.  Every day I have with one of my children is a blessing and I grieve for the parents who have lost children.   I am thankful for my children's health and I grieve for the parents who have sick children. 
One thing I'm certain of is that God loves them as much as I do.  He knit them together in my womb and He cares for them!  God is a father and He also has let His children go out on their own.  He doesn't force Himself on us but he gently reminds us that He is here.  He waits for us to be in communion with Him through prayer and reading our Bibles. 
One more to go.  Of course there is going to be purpose in my life after I have raised my children.  God is not done with me yet.  I'm waiting to see what the purpose might be.  I am after all still a wife.  The world minimizes that, but that's another blog!
 

Emptying Nest

"One more piece of advice...one more hug...one more... Be prepared that one of the hardest things you will experience in life is...the first time you walk away from your child's dorm room or apartment leaving him or her behind."*
This last Friday I drove with Kev to college helping him move...one last thing I could do for him. Kev's roommate's mother clung to her son's neck not wanting to let go, her son saying, "Okay mom, goodbye." Then she said she cried when they drove away and he refused to look her way. Another mother told me that after her and her husband left her son at college then went to eat at Wendy's. They ate in silence as the songs playing in the restaurant were slow and sad. They both looked up at the same time meeting each other's tear filled eyes. I have not been a total wreck. I have not cried much. I've already had some adjustment as Kev lived with his sister this summer while he worked. But I look outside and see his car parked (it was gone most the summer unless he was home) and my heart sinks 'cause I know he's not home.
"Mourn the loss of a daily relationship with your child"*
I've called Kev twice since Friday and had nice talks with him but then I asked him to call me about his 1st day of class. No call yet- day 2... I don't want to bug him.
"Your job is done. It's their turn."*
I shopped for a month getting things Kev might need for his apartment. Eagerly anticipating helping him get his new apartment set up, I was part of the experience. Then I drove away and I was done parenting on a daily basis. We never stop wanting to help our children. Like telling him, " Make sure you disinfect the counter after you have meat on it." Or "Make sure the gas is off on your stove." Or "Please, please be careful riding your bike in traffic to class."
I've experienced this before with Jessica. I've yet to experience it with Erik, now 11. Erik went to middle school this year and I had difficulty dealing with that transition! The first day Erik went to Jr. High our cartoon came on TV that we watched this summer during lunch and I cried. I wondered how few years are left of his childhood... cartoons, stuffed animals, hanging with mom and dad??
I've been very moved to pray not only for my kids but for others' kids. I started making a list...but it's mostly as someone comes to mind. I hope there are others praying for my kids too!
"As parents, we play the role of reader and hardly ever pen the script..."I wrote the script and my kids don't follow it."** I just am hoping that they will discover in time as I did "If you chase after pleasure, you eventually will come to the same conclusion as King Solomon: "I said to myself, 'Come on, let's try pleasure. Let's look for the "good things" in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. What good does it do to seek pleasure?' " (Ecclesiastes 2:1–2)***
"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
— Psalm 16:11
*"When You're Facing the Empty Nest" by Mary Ann Froehlich
**"A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray
***From Greg Laurie's daily devotion August 20, 2007 http://www.harvest.org/

KEV CALLED!!!

The Guy and Girl I Love!

These two... What can I say. I adore them. It was only yesterday that I took this Halloween picture outside our trailor. I was a single mom. They were the glue that kept me together. Now look at my two grown children. So wonderful. I miss the toddlers that absolutely drove me crazy when I took them somewhere. How to you keep up with two little adventurers? I miss the preschoolers that were excited about everything. I miss the grade schoolers, that were so funny and playful. I miss the Jr. Highers that were trying so hard to grow up. I miss the teenagers that tried my patience and sometimes broke my heart with their struggle for independance. Jess is only 30 miles away but it seems too far. Kev is soon to go to Purdue. I am excited for him but I am feeling a sweet sadness. Seperation is good. Seperation is needed too sometimes. We will learn how much we all miss each other! Erik and I went with Kev to Day on Campus at Purdue. Purdue was like a little city. I imagined what it'd be like to be 18 again and on this kind of adventure. An adventure, I hope that will lead to a degree and a great job! I love these guys. I hope they remain close. I hope they can count on each other and their family to be their biggest supporters! I know I am one of their biggest supporters!

Teenage Son Syndrome

Communicating with my teenage son is so frustrating. Somewhere between 8th grade and the end of his freshman year he became alien to me. The boy who use to make me laugh so hard, who would sneak up and scare me, who would ask me to come hear the music to a song he was learning on the guitar, who wouldn't leave or go to sleep at night without a hug and an "I Love You", and the boy who when he was younger always sat by my side when we watched TV. Where'd he go? Now I have to sneak up behind him on the computer to steal a hug. I have to coax him to answer simple questions of which most of the time I get a "I don't care", "I don't know", or a grunt. When I call thru his, now locked, bedroom door "Goodnight, I love you." I usually get only a "goodnight." This was different with my teenage daughter. We sure did butt heads. I got lots of angry looks and hurtful words. But we always made up, and she hardly ever went to sleep, even at 17, without having a hug and saying "Goodnight, Mommy. I love you."
My son can eat and not gain a pound. I buy him whole milk and believe me, he is the only one that can drink that and not worry about the fat content! I buy him his favorite things, like strawberry syrup for his milk and vanilla pepsi-'cause he hates all the diet stuff I normally buy. If he wants something I go out of my way to do it, like ordering flowers for a girlfriend, washing his clothes and not drying them too much, or even starting his car on a cold morning. I long so much for appreciation. My husband and younger son (the one who still hugs me) call him "The Prince".
I am literally ecstatic when I see him smile. There are times he trusts me with little pieces of his life, girlfriend info, college/future plans, funny things that happen at school, etc. These are the times I cling to. When he sets down to watch TV with us I am happy he is just in the room, even if it is across the room now. I am sad for the short days that are left with my teenage son at home for he is junior in highschool. One day he will not be eating dinner with us as often, sitting at the computer a room away, playing his guitar in his room, watching "King of Queens" with me. Someday all too soon he will have moved on to another era in his life. As my daughter did and I struggled so hard letting go! I must.. I will.. and I am so thankful for every stage of my childrens' life. I am thankful every day God gives us on this earth together!
Kev's favorite song is "Simple Man" by Lynard Skynard:
"Mama told me when I was young, come sit by me my only son, and listen closely to what I say, and if you do this it will help you some sunny day, ah yah...to be a simple man, oh take your time don't live to fast, troubles will come and they will pass,oh find a woman, ooh baby, you'll find love and don't forget son there is someone up above. And be a simple kind of man..."