All We Need is Love

Lack of connectedness, quiet desperation and isolation; these are issues plaquing the 21st century youth. Extreme pressure, demanding expectations often self-imposed; are causing anxieties and stress. "All We Need is Love" was the Beatles song. It that all we need? I believe it is. But can we get that from mere humans who fail and disappoint us. Those who don't understand us? Our parents don't get us, our peers not always, so who does? Who cares? We've all felt unlove, unimportant, misunderstood. Where does this disconnectiveness come from? A lack of realizing your worth. Each of us has passions, gifts, destinct personalities, uniqueness. We need to know we have worth. We all long for an answer to why we are here.
This is where faith comes in. Faith in a God who wants to establish relationship with us. The Gospel is not here for mere religion. It is not about being good enough to earn your way to heaven. It is a story of man, his failures, his need for redemption, his need for purpose, his need for relationship and love. It is about God's passion to have a relationship with you.
When there is little life experience to reflect on one can not see the possibilities in every situation. Making the most of all what life deals us is often too difficult to handle on our own. But God has given us each a purpose. Each individual's purpose may not be known to them, but it is known to God. When one puts his faith in God and cries out for God's help, he may find a relationship that not only sustains through the hard timse but a love that surpases any human love. If you don't think you can be loved try letting God love you.

*portions of this note taken from the book "Beyond Belief to Convictions" by Josh McDowell and Bob Hostetler

Pain, Pain Go Away!

It's been awhile since I wrote a blog.  Mostly because it hurts to write a lot.  So maybe this will be short!  LOL
I recently left my job to recoup from some pain and depression/anxiety.  Now I wonder what the next chapter will be in my life?  I am going to try and patiently wait for God to open a new door.  I've decided I don't want to return to doing hair.  I've done it for almost 30 years.  I've longed to quit so badly.   I'm not sure when I started hating my job so much but I believe it started with perimenopause or the onset of pain.  I've had bad headaches and neck pain for awhile.  It is intensified by many things, mostly having my arms up.  So doing hair usually meant I came home with a bad headache, shooting neck and shoulder pain.  This is what finally spurred me to up and not go into work one day, the pain and depression.  Being a loyal employee for 18 years at same shop didn't mean a thing to me.  I just went back to bed...all week!  I communicated with my boss only through texts.  I didn't want to explain something I couldn't explain to anyone.  I am lucky, my boss is also a friend.  She was very understanding.
After leaving my job, still the pain didn't go away.  I went to see a neurologist because I believe my family doctor thought I was rather a hypochondriac.  He was telling me my pain was better.  It wasn't!  The neurologist suspects I might have Fibromyalgia.  So after at least 2 years of thinking my pain had a cause and possible a cure I find out it may not have a specific cause or a cure.  And why did surgery seem like a good option?  Because it can take away the problem, like a disc pressing on a nerve!  No, it was not that simple.  Yet my "condition" is not easily diagnosed.  There is no blood work or no tests.  I will try some medicine and see if it helps.  So far it has been 1 week and I'm suppose to give it a few weeks to be in my system.  And it's expensive. 
Also this Fibromyalgia...it's confusing.  It causes a lot of the symptoms I've had, such as trigger point pain, chronic headaches, depression, anxiety, restless legs, achy knees and hips.  However, I'm hoping I don't have it.  It is a misunderstood disease.  I thought, "Isn't that the disease doctors tell people they have when they complain alot?"  See I misunderstood cause I'd never researched it.  Also people experience pain differently, some have pain continually, others intermediately (like me), some sharp, some dull and achy (I've had both), most are better with activity.  Okay this is where the guilt comes in again.  If I have a good day and say, can go "4-wheeling" I will feel like others think my pain is "in my head"
Ugh...

When I am Discouraged

by Lorie Reading on Monday, March 7, 2011 at 12:40pm

from Facebook note

"Sorrow is not a stanger to any of us, though only a few have learned that is is not our enemy either." -John and Stasi Eldredge* "Happiness is solely based on our circumstance, while contentment transcends our circumstances."* Contentment is in the soul.
I'm troubled by the belief that Christians should always be happy. This is so far from the truth. Jesus said "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death." Mark 14:34 and He went and prayed. David said "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?" but he also said "I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!" Psalm 43:5 So many people have thorns or adversary in their life. Sometimes they have to live with it their whole lives. However, as Christians we don't have the promise of joy, joy, joy all the time, but help in our suffering. "When things went wrong in people's lives, whether it was about their physical or spirtitual condition or some tragedy that happened to them, I don't recall Jesus ever looking for the hand of God in it. Instead, he had compassion on suffering people."*
Our community lost 2 people to suicide last week. One was a neighbor and a client of mine. I cannot relate to the devastation it caused his family. Can anyone really understand it? I don't know the pain he was experiencing or the torment of his inner demons. As a wise old man told me, "Nobody knows the pain he might of been going through" Sometimes pain is emotional. So until you've walked in someone's shoes... I don't believe suicide is the answer however I don't want to judge the person.
"The last thing a trouble person needs is to be judged."* What I need when I get in a pit of depression or heartache is to be in communion with God and really listening for his voice. Our noisy world keeps that voice out. "There are fewer and fewer oases of silence in our noisy world. Communication has higher value for us than contemplation. Information is in greater demand than reflection." -Barbara Brown Taylor* I have a hard time when I get down to really reflect on God's word or pray. It's the last thing Satan wants me to do. This is spiritual war. We are equipped as Christians to deal with things if we use the tools God gave us, prayer and His Word.
"For our present trouble are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. for the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see wil last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:17,18 This world is not my home.
"Adversaity reveals genius, Prosperity conceals it" -Roman Poet Horace* Don't get to caught up in things.
"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Matthew 16:26
Most of these words were not my own but just pieces of wisdom I've gleened from the Bible and others.

*excerpts from the book "Living with Thorns" Mary Ann Froehlich
Bible verses taken from the New Living Translation

What Really Matters.

I've put my housework on hold 'cause I feel the need to write something on my mind. I was feeling sorry for myself 'cause things I'd like to do and see happen aren't happening for me now. Then God brought to mind those post's on Facebook that I'd read earlier of people who are struggling with sickness in their lives and families lives.
So what does really matter?
I went through about two years of depression. It wasn't the worse depression. It was a nagging feeling that I didn't want to live life. It started I believe with a post traumatic event. After I watched my mother-in-law die of cancer. She so wanted to live. She kept believing she would. When she passed I kind of gave up hope of miracles. Then I experienced my own personal problems, with nerve pain and menopause. Then came the death of our beloved dog, my mom and brother-in-law. My mother's death even though anticipated and even longed for (because of her deteriorating condition) made me feel worried about my own future. Would I have Alzheimer's? Getting old was something I did not want to do!
For almost a month now I've felt better about life. I've started on a road to recovery, I hope. But most importantly I've learned that life is what you make it, to be cliche. You can either take the good times and really enjoy them or you can worry about the future. When you are down, you can hope for better days. That is all we have...hope.
If the petty things in life have taken over your thought process just read your homepage on facebook and you'll almost always find someone struggling. When it's you, share and other's will care. When it's not you, pray and lift other's up.
Thanks be to God that I don't have to be in control of my future. It's His and I just have to do the best with each moment He gives me.
My troubles are not over, I'm sure. I'll have plenty of bad days, feeling sorry for myself. But I thank God that Today... my family is healthy, my faith is intact, and I have people to care about and vice versa!

Peri-menopause may get me down but I'll get back up again!

This last couple of months I've been an irritable, complaining, depressed mess. I blamed it on peri-menopause. Being in my 40s started out great. I felt content mostly. I was okay with being 40. I wasn't so hard on myself. I was happy with the simple things in life. I didn't need drama anymore. I even felt a little more spiritual:) Well, then I started having wild mood swings. Of course I took it out on the one person who would take it, Rog. (My boss, Connie has offered him counseling) I just think I married a saint. He has been so supportive. I am the taker. Always have been. He's the giver. Then there is life. I've got so much to be thankful for. But I was starting to feel like I just rather not live another day. I'm not saying I'm past all that. I've just had a succession of good days (mainly since my period ended after 43 days) Some days I thought of how sick of living the day to day I was and wished myself dead. I would even contemplate it if I wasn't afraid of hurting the people I love, creating a terrible legacy, and of course the pain of dying itself!

Yeah, I've had some stress. The kind that comes with this time in my life. My mother having Alzheimer's and feeling guilty that I am not with her more (before she gets worse) I've dealt with a terminal illness with my mother-in-law in which while I was going thru it I didn't have time or energy to feel sorry for myself. Something in giving back, comforting others, makes one less self-focused. It was the worse and the best of times. Only cause it brought out a love and strength that only by the grace of God I could have mustard!

On top of aging parents there have been worries over grown children. Wanting to solve all their problems became a focus many times! I wanted to feel like I could or did make a difference and I often did not feel like I did or could!

Because of our economical struggle this year I stopped dreaming of a vacation or a new home. This was one of my lesser concerns but yet I felt cheated.

With all these issues I also suffered a pinched nerve that lasted 5 weeks and I couldn't sleep, sit or do anything comfortably. I was medicated and became frantic that I'd never get better or need surgery. In the middle of those 5 weeks I started the period that would not end. When I went to the doctor over my pinched nerve he assured me the nerve was healing, but the periods was not normal. He mentioned an ultra sound, biopsy and not putting the cart before the horse. So I started worrying about having the cancer that so horribly took my mother-in-law.

But in honesty I thought "What if I have to take time of work" Would that be so bad? I had gotten to hate my job cause I had to face people. How do you socialize when your life feels topsy turvy? My job is a social job and for the most part I've loved that about it. But how to you go to work and deal with the many personalities of people when you don't like anyone! I wanted to lay in bed and cry of which I did a few times. I never suffered hot flashes yet but I experienced a definite hormonal imbalance.

I wasn't praying, I was barely reading my Bible. I was becoming desensitized, numb, dull. I told God I just didn't want to live. I wondered how I can be a Christian and not feel any joy. The days were bleak, the nights I gave away to as much sleep as I could.

So what has changed...I'm not sure. I went to a GYN and he did some tests and wants to do a surgery on me called endometrial ablazion. It will basically help stop the shedding of the lining of my uterus so I won't have hardly anymore periods.

I don't think I'm thru the worse of this. I will probably still have some symptoms of this peri-menopausal stuff. I've been told it can last 7-10 years! I dread the bad days but I've read some things that have encouraged me and possibly opened my eyes.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" Proverbs 18:21 "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23 I need to be careful what I confess. If I speak positively I believe I can be positive. I'll let you know if it works:)

And from a new fav book of mine by Phil Callaway-"Laughing Matters, learning to laugh when life stinks"

"I was struck with the realization that if thankfulness comes from prosperity, then that is nice. I like prosperity...But what would I do should that prosperity end? If I am able to thank God for good health, that is a wonderful gift. But what will I do when sickness comes, when I am bedridden? When I am depressed?(my ad lib) Will I become bitter or miserable? Perhaps. but suppose I live each day thankful that Jesus Christ loves me? That He died to redeem me? That His love will never end, that His mercies are new every morning? Then my bank account does not have me at it's mercy, nor does my happiness depend on a doctor's prognosis. If I lose it all, I can still give thanks to God."

I'll let you know how that works for me too. It's easy to let life (or peri-menopause get you down) but God wants us to rely on His strength to get thru anything!