I wasn't very close to my in-laws for many years. Partially because we didn't understand one another. I could elaborate on all the misunderstandings but instead I'd like to fast forward to where God changed that.
In the year 2007, my mother-in-law got cancer and we watched her go through many hard things. I didn't understand why God didn't heal her? It was during this time, our relationship changed. I ended up caring for her in ways I never expected to. We became close and Roger grew closer to her too. We also grew closer to my father-in-law and were able to share God's love to him.
After Beverly passed away (it was a painful and at the time seemed like a long process) we became dad's only family. He needed us.
We were trying to sell our house to move to the farm. It wouldn't sell and we questioned why God didn't answer our prayer? Two years later, Dad had open heart surgery and we found out his heart was very weak and damaged. We had several times we thought something was wrong because he didn't answer his phone and drove frantically over to the house to either find him sleeping or just getting back from a DQ run. Then last spring, Roger made that trip to find him dead from a massive heart attack. Dad went how he always said he wanted to go, on his feet. However, it was traumatizing for us.
Suddenly we had two houses and quickly decided to live on the farm. Instead of going in debt for a new house, we are able to add on to the farm house. We were getting to keep the family home and have our dream house. Who would of seen that?
Our other house still wouldn't sell. I didn't understand why God didn't let it sell? We had these great renters, whom i just thought were meant to live there. I even prayed for them as we packed up the house. I prayed they would be blessed in the home we'd raised our family in. People would look at our house but not put in offers. Our renters didn't have the credit for a loan. Then when we'd given up hope almost, our Realtor helped them establish credit and buy the house. I'm happy that a family I knew got our house!
These are just a few examples of prayers that didn't seem to be answered but brought about something good.
We miss our parents. Roger and I now have no living parents. And even though it's a natural part of life to lose your parents, we lost 3 parents in 5 years, including my mom who lived 14 years with Alzheimer. And I have to say it wasn't easy and it's still sad. I just dreamed the other night of my mom dying and relived being with her as she struggled to breath her last. And I know people who lose children and spouses must suffer more. I haven't been in their shoes and can't imagine that pain. I just know through our circumstances, God did bring good out of the bad. I hope this is encouragement to anyone going through difficult times right now.
"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny."
~ lyrics to "Christ Alone"
I am very moved by this song. I think because anytime I hear about the blood of Jesus cleansing me it reminds me of why I love Him so much, why my Faith is renewed, how I've needed that cleansing blood in my life!
I wasn't always living for Christ. I spent many years, living for myself. I believed but I didn't want to serve. I wanted to serve my own purposes, my own pleasures. I often thought of my soul and if during this time I'd be lost if I died. I believe God had a greater purpose for me even while I was serving my own purpose. He didn't allow me to die because He had called me to live for Him at a very young age.
I was first baptised at the young age of about 6. I loved Sunday School, I loved the Bible, I loved Jesus. So at a little Baptist church that I often went to by myself (we lived across the street) I asked to be baptised and the pastor told me the significance of Baptism. I was washing away the sinful man (which at the age of 6 I'm sure my sins were not very significant but I still had a selfish heart) and I was rising out of the water as a new child of God. Not one that would just live for Him on Sunday, but one who would read her Bible, communicate with God through prayer and try to live a pure life that God choose for me. Not to hinder me, but to bless me. Not to make me a robot who mindlessly believed, followed and served out of obligation, but a true Christian who sought Him with her heart and felt His presence in the good times and the bad times. I had a great example, of course, in my mom. And my dad for 11 short years. My parents were flawed, but they also were forgiven as I learned through my years I would be too.
My faith remained strong, I thought. Until I was going through my mid twenties. Life was not all I expected. I wanted excitement. I didn't like to go to church anymore because it left me with convictions. Convictions that were not forced upon me but that were coming from my heart (where God continued to dwell) I tried to put out of my mind the gentle tugs from God. I walked deeply into a lifestyle that spiraled into sin. I made decisions that felt good at the time, they were pleasurable and I even felt justified. I thought why shouldn't I do this, I'm an adult I've not experienced this or that, what am I missing? I won't go into the sins I committed (I'll leave you guessing) unless you really know me then you probably were there with me watching me struggle. This path I stayed on for 10 years.
I went through divorce at this time and felt angry with God. I wondered how he could take away the very thing I thought He blessed. But He didn't take it away, we ruined it with one bad decision after another. I still blamed God and even the church for not caring enough. It wasn't God, it wasn't the church. It was an evil liar who comes in the form of pleasure/temptation that made me believe God didn't love me. Sound familiar to the serpent in the Garden of Eden?
I met my husband now and we were two very different people. After being engaged I finally told him that I didn't want to sit at home and worry who he was with or when he'd be home from the bar with his friends. This is not who I wanted to be married to. I wasn't perfect of course. But he stopped going to bars and I was happy. We didn't live a wild lifestyle but we didn't live for any purpose than our own. We raised our kids the best we could but they often witnessed some bad decisions.
We often talked about what we believed about God and the Bible. My husband had some mixed feelings because of his upbringing, which a very forced and mechanical religion played into that. I remember sharing with him my beliefs but still felt like I couldn't live the life I once did. I felt like I was never going to be able to restore my faith.
We started looking for a church to try to piece together our lives and have a foundation to raise our kids on. Once in church again, the songs stirred up feelings in me. Especially songs like "At the Cross" or "Oh the Blood of Jesus" So I got baptized again when my husband decided to confirm his faith. He was really digging in. He was studying the Bible and his faith was growing. Mine was getting there but I sometimes felt I was just clinging to his faith instead of my own. I was still having a hard time putting my trust in God again. He hadn't let me down, put I still believed He had. I believed my life should of been perfect when I was trying to be a good Christian. And when it was less than perfect I blamed God.
I didn't get what I so profoundly understand now. People that truly put their trust in God withstand the trials of life and they grow through them. God allows his children hard times so they learn and they learn to help others. I often resented my husband because even though I called him my spiritual leader I felt he was better than me. I had an opportunity to allow God to keep me from a painful situation but I choose to ignore Him and do what I wanted. This is where that led if you care to read this poem I wrote. http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/07/my-spirit-struggled-i-heard-whispering.html
However today I have to say God has been working in my life and I've felt redeemed, forgiven and my faith restored beyond what it ever was. My childlike faith has turned into a deeper faith I feel. One that I depend on in good and bad times. One I believe will be rewarded not in this life, but in my next. I may still be tempted to make selfish decisions and I may mess up but I know that God is available to provide me a way out though if I just listen to Him.
"In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand"
We had something interesting happen the other day. Rog, Erik and I were at dad's picking up brush piles from the fields and on the radio was the song "You are my shining star" Which I reminded Erik was the song that gma Beverly's favorite bear "Ringo" played. We had gotten her the bear at the hospital once and it had a star on it's foot so she named it Ringo. We had put it in the casket with her when she died. After we were done working in the field I checked my cell phone which was on me in a case and there was a picture of Beverly on the screen. A picture that was taken 3 years ago and mixed in with lots of other pics on my cell. Erik commented "That's Weird" and Rog simply said "Mom is saying Hi" :)
This story is similar to a story shared by my sister. "Annette was down in Arkansas when Mom passed and we couldn't get in touch with her for a while. When we did Annette was very upset that we hadn't been able to let her know mom was so bad. She was crying and when she got into the truck with her friend her cell phone started making strange flashes, then up popped a picture of mom that she had in with all her other pictures"
Also shared by my sister, Mary who lost her husband of 50 years this past June, is this story. "One morning I woke up to the smell of Old Spice, and there isn't any Old Spice in the house. The smell was all through the house for most of the day. (This has happened once more time since then) Bill loved Old Spice but when he was so sick he couldn't wear it because the smell made him sick . The kids would always buy him the expensive after shave and we would always smile at each other because Old Spice was what he liked the best and me too because it is what Dad always wore and Bill had wore when we were going together."
And again a story by Mary about my brother-in-law. "at Christian's(their grandson) BD party...Bill had always wanted to get him a Nerf machine gun and Bill would always put it in the cart and I would have to tell him we couldn't buy it for Christian because his mom didn't want him to play with guns. But this year she called and said if I wanted to get the Nerf gun to go ahead and get it, because he was begging for one. So I did and it was the best thing he ever got, or so he said. After the party I told Bill(Jr) how happy Dad would have been seeing Christian so happy with the dart gun, as I was telling Bill this, he was folding up the birthday gift bags, he felt there was something inside one and tipped it over and emptied it into his hand, I saw the look on his face and asked, "What is it?" He showed it to me. It was one of the memory rocks that they had for Bill at the funeral home. I feel this was another way God has allowed Bill to let us know his precense is with us."
I had to share these stories for those who have lost loved ones so they may know that God doesn't stop caring about our sorrow. I believe He sometimes gives us these glimpses of our loved ones, even though they are physically gone from us. Feel free to share your stories with me. I'd love to hear them.
I've put my housework on hold 'cause I feel the need to write something on my mind. I was feeling sorry for myself 'cause things I'd like to do and see happen aren't happening for me now. Then God brought to mind those post's on Facebook that I'd read earlier of people who are struggling with sickness in their lives and families lives.
So what does really matter?
I went through about two years of depression. It wasn't the worse depression. It was a nagging feeling that I didn't want to live life. It started I believe with a post traumatic event. After I watched my mother-in-law die of cancer. She so wanted to live. She kept believing she would. When she passed I kind of gave up hope of miracles. Then I experienced my own personal problems, with nerve pain and menopause. Then came the death of our beloved dog, my mom and brother-in-law. My mother's death even though anticipated and even longed for (because of her deteriorating condition) made me feel worried about my own future. Would I have Alzheimer's? Getting old was something I did not want to do!
For almost a month now I've felt better about life. I've started on a road to recovery, I hope. But most importantly I've learned that life is what you make it, to be cliche. You can either take the good times and really enjoy them or you can worry about the future. When you are down, you can hope for better days. That is all we have...hope.
If the petty things in life have taken over your thought process just read your homepage on facebook and you'll almost always find someone struggling. When it's you, share and other's will care. When it's not you, pray and lift other's up.
Thanks be to God that I don't have to be in control of my future. It's His and I just have to do the best with each moment He gives me.
My troubles are not over, I'm sure. I'll have plenty of bad days, feeling sorry for myself. But I thank God that Today... my family is healthy, my faith is intact, and I have people to care about and vice versa!
I went to visit my mother with Alzheimers disease today. I have most always felt blessed to have her here with me but today I felt differently. Her eyes seem lost, her thoughts undefined, her smile not so bright. We went to a dinner together for the residents of her nursing home. I fed her and held her hand or patted her shoulder. Sometimes despite her sideways posture she'd look my way and either give me a puzzled look or a slight smile. She never spoke many words til I was wheeling her back past the pond and I said "Mom, dad likes to fish doesn't he? Immediately she piped up, "Yes, he does!" He has been gone now some 33 years but she may or may not remember that. I'm unsure of her state of mind since her words have become fewer and more confused. At the dinner there was a man singing old hymns and old songs. Some songs I noticed mom would bounce her leg to which was some encouragement that this life might still be giving her some joy. When the man sang the hymn "In the Garden" he mentioned it was his mother's favorite hymn before she past away. I remembered as a little girl singing in the small Assembly of God this very song with my mom. I began to wipe tears with my napkin trying to turn away from the others at the table. One very sweet resident from the assistant living apartments came over and gently laid her hand on my shoulder handing me a tissue saying "This will work better than those napkins" The people and residents there are so kind. After I've been there to visit my perspectives change. Instead of focusing on the things in this life that are so shallow I begin to contemplate on greater things. These folks at the end of their lifes have only their families and hopefully a faith of a greater life beyond this one. They've lived many sorted lifes, I'm sure. Some simple, some hard, some grand, some easy but all are in the same situation. Growing older, more weary, less capible, and closer to the end of their journey. How much I treasure my mother. She has lived a sometimes hard, sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, but mostly blessed life. She has been blessed because she valued the things in life that mattered. I treasure my mother because despite all life threw her way, she always thought of others. If God takes her today I know she'll be rejoicing in Heaven with my dad and my brother, Paul. I told her today that I beleived that Paul was practicing a song to sing for us and I couldn't wait to hear it. Maybe it'll be "Why Me Lord" by Kris Kristofferson..."what have I ever done, to deserve even one of the blessings I've known?" (one of Paul's favorite songs)
This last couple of months I've been an irritable, complaining, depressed mess. I blamed it on peri-menopause. Being in my 40s started out great. I felt content mostly. I was okay with being 40. I wasn't so hard on myself. I was happy with the simple things in life. I didn't need drama anymore. I even felt a little more spiritual:) Well, then I started having wild mood swings. Of course I took it out on the one person who would take it, Rog. (My boss, Connie has offered him counseling) I just think I married a saint. He has been so supportive. I am the taker. Always have been. He's the giver. Then there is life. I've got so much to be thankful for. But I was starting to feel like I just rather not live another day. I'm not saying I'm past all that. I've just had a succession of good days (mainly since my period ended after 43 days) Some days I thought of how sick of living the day to day I was and wished myself dead. I would even contemplate it if I wasn't afraid of hurting the people I love, creating a terrible legacy, and of course the pain of dying itself!
Yeah, I've had some stress. The kind that comes with this time in my life. My mother having Alzheimer's and feeling guilty that I am not with her more (before she gets worse) I've dealt with a terminal illness with my mother-in-law in which while I was going thru it I didn't have time or energy to feel sorry for myself. Something in giving back, comforting others, makes one less self-focused. It was the worse and the best of times. Only cause it brought out a love and strength that only by the grace of God I could have mustard!
On top of aging parents there have been worries over grown children. Wanting to solve all their problems became a focus many times! I wanted to feel like I could or did make a difference and I often did not feel like I did or could!
Because of our economical struggle this year I stopped dreaming of a vacation or a new home. This was one of my lesser concerns but yet I felt cheated.
With all these issues I also suffered a pinched nerve that lasted 5 weeks and I couldn't sleep, sit or do anything comfortably. I was medicated and became frantic that I'd never get better or need surgery. In the middle of those 5 weeks I started the period that would not end. When I went to the doctor over my pinched nerve he assured me the nerve was healing, but the periods was not normal. He mentioned an ultra sound, biopsy and not putting the cart before the horse. So I started worrying about having the cancer that so horribly took my mother-in-law.
But in honesty I thought "What if I have to take time of work" Would that be so bad? I had gotten to hate my job cause I had to face people. How do you socialize when your life feels topsy turvy? My job is a social job and for the most part I've loved that about it. But how to you go to work and deal with the many personalities of people when you don't like anyone! I wanted to lay in bed and cry of which I did a few times. I never suffered hot flashes yet but I experienced a definite hormonal imbalance.
I wasn't praying, I was barely reading my Bible. I was becoming desensitized, numb, dull. I told God I just didn't want to live. I wondered how I can be a Christian and not feel any joy. The days were bleak, the nights I gave away to as much sleep as I could.
So what has changed...I'm not sure. I went to a GYN and he did some tests and wants to do a surgery on me called endometrial ablazion. It will basically help stop the shedding of the lining of my uterus so I won't have hardly anymore periods.
I don't think I'm thru the worse of this. I will probably still have some symptoms of this peri-menopausal stuff. I've been told it can last 7-10 years! I dread the bad days but I've read some things that have encouraged me and possibly opened my eyes.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" Proverbs 18:21 "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23 I need to be careful what I confess. If I speak positively I believe I can be positive. I'll let you know if it works:)
And from a new fav book of mine by Phil Callaway-"Laughing Matters, learning to laugh when life stinks"
"I was struck with the realization that if thankfulness comes from prosperity, then that is nice. I like prosperity...But what would I do should that prosperity end? If I am able to thank God for good health, that is a wonderful gift. But what will I do when sickness comes, when I am bedridden? When I am depressed?(my ad lib) Will I become bitter or miserable? Perhaps. but suppose I live each day thankful that Jesus Christ loves me? That He died to redeem me? That His love will never end, that His mercies are new every morning? Then my bank account does not have me at it's mercy, nor does my happiness depend on a doctor's prognosis. If I lose it all, I can still give thanks to God."
I'll let you know how that works for me too. It's easy to let life (or peri-menopause get you down) but God wants us to rely on His strength to get thru anything!
Mom passed away on Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 6:30 CST. We are unsure why she hung onto life those prior 6 days or why God didn't take her. We questioned whether there might be one more person she needed to see or hear from. Knowing her love for her mom, Eleanore we called her. Grandma told mom of her love for her. A nurse, Billie at Parkview had asked me during mom's stuggle if Roger and I ever prayed together. Even though not as often as we should, I said yes. After several days of mom struggling to thrive, I finally suggested to Roger that we pray over mom together. We closed the curtain around her bed and each said a prayer standing over her with hands laid on her. We prayed that God would end her suffering and she'd be in his loving arms. Beverly loved hugs and the day her cancer doctor told her she would not get better she clung to his arm. I picture her in heaven, clinging to Jesus. And He won't be too busy to let her cling to Him. I wanted to give a eulogy in memory of Beverly at her funeral. But because of our differences in faith, dad (Jim) did not want anyone to speak but his "brother" from the Jehovah Witness Hall. So without the music like hymns to move me, the reminensing or the promise of Heaven I was not able to express my grief as I would like. Even though the speaker did give me credit for becoming like a daughter to Beverly, not until I kissed her forehead goodbye one final time did I finally shed the tears I needed. Then at home listening to worship music by Jeremy Camp I released many tears at our sorrow of not seeing her again on this Earth. There were many people I wanted to thank at the funeral and had included this in my eulogy. So I will post it here in remembrance of a wonderful lady.
Her hugs, her laughter, her sweet smile, her determination to not allow the cancer to get her spirits down, her positive attitude kept her strong, I believe for so long.Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit "Cancer is so limited.It cannot cripple love.It cannot shatter hope.It cannot corrode faith.It cannot destroy peace.Cancer cannot kill friendship.It cannot suppress memories.It cannot silence courage.It cannot invade the soul.It cannot steal eternal life.And it cannot conquer the spirit."It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
God worked in all our lives over this last difficult year. I gained closeness with mom I never had. Roger felt freer to express his love to both his parents. As an only child Roger had an incredible place in his mother’s heart. With no siblings to share his sorrow he often turned focus to his dad and helping him.
Mom and Dad spent 41 years of marriage together. It moved me to see her and Jim holding hands or Jim laying a gentle kiss on her check or rubbing her cheek or arm with his hand. Mom loved to spend time with Erik. He grew up sitting between grandpa and grandma in their GMC traveling many times to go eat at their favorite places or to visit their many friends. He never was able to leave her house without giving Grandma a hug! Beverly had many friends. Many of which stuck close by her at the end… Rosie and John of who they shared 42 years of friendship. Others like Myra who came to visit or bring food, clean, or play cards with mom. Family that visited, some from far away like her brother Larry and family. Beverly’s mother, Eleanore who traveled from Massachusetts to spend some very special times with her this summer. Her brother Sid and wife Mary who always brought a smile and laugh when they came. I’ve never witness such an outpouring of love and kindness as I did these final days of mom’s life. The nurses and staff at Parkview Haven and Southern Care Hospice showed so much love and compassion to mom and our family.1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Thank you dear friends and loved ones!
Mom we will never forget your precious smile, your loving hugs, your laughter… Til we meet again. Goodbye Mom
"You're in the 'middle ages' - sandwiched between the 'greatest generation' and the 'gimme' generations" from Family Squeeze by Phil Callaway
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.
"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel
"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)
The morning we took Beverly to the Cancer Clinic for the first time, we spotted a full rainbow. We felt it was a good sign. In Genenis 9 God gave Noah his rainbow as a sign he'd never destroy the Earth again with a flood. Genenis 9:12 "And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth."
But that day we heard bad news, Beverly probably had cancer. If anyone could of taken that news well it was Beverly. I felt part of it was that she was not grasping it fully. The next week the biopsy showed cancer "An Unknown Primary" -adenocarcinoma. Still the doctor was stumped about her bones. The pet scan showed a lot of holes in her bones which he said "looked like" cancer. But why no pain?? So he did more tests and another bone scan. Everytime a test would come back "no cancer here" (Breasts, Upper GI) Beverly would say "Good news, I don't have cancer here or there." So this week Rog and I talked among ourselves of prognosis (Everyone said how bad, painful cancer of the bones would be) Roger had a funeral in the back of his mind. I said all along that I didn't think she had cancer in her bones but the scan pointed to it. We prayed, we had others praying. I said "Rog, wouldn't it be a miracle if the oncologist looked at the bone scan and said "I don't see any holes. I don't think she has cancer of the bones" But still I doubted. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed"... We heard in church Sunday. I didn't have a lot of faith. Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Tuesday Rog, Jim, Beverly and I went to see the oncologist because the nurse suggested "the family be with" When we went in "ever positive" Beverly told Dr. Bruetman, "I hope you have good news for me" He said, "That depends on what you consider good news." And Praise God, Dr. Breutman did look at the bone scan and said he only saw one very small hole on the rib cage and none on the spine and he wasn't concerned anymore about bone cancer!!! A miracle. He did say she still had cancer in her body, most likely in the abdomen area (uterine, ovaries or stomach lining) but chemo is usually effective. She starts chemo next Friday. She may lose her hair he said. She probably wouldn't get too sick. The treatment will be 4 hours, once every 3 weeks. Also the ocupational therapist said Beverly would always need therapy for her swollen leg. She said the lymph node would never work the same again. Dr. Bruetman said he has seen the lymph nodes go down in size after chemo and function properly and her swelling should go down in her leg! We still have a long rode ahead. But Roger has said he can stop worrying about planning a funeral. And thanks to all this we have grown closer to his parents. We have a deeper bond and are trying to minister God's love to them. But we see God working in all our lifes.
Speaking of letting God work in our lives I've been trying to tell Kevin and his girlfriend that we can't always work things out ourselves. We have to let things happen the way God planned them. Sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes things don't make sense. But God has a plan and we have to let him work. I still am a chronic worrier. I still try to make things happen myself. But throughout my life I've seen God working "all things" for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose."
"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
Cancer cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
And it cannot conquer the spirit."
It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
Not only Easter but everyday we should recognize our need for Jesus Christ. A personal relationship can begin by following what is called "The Romans Road" It is the path a person takes to recognize we are sinners, accept God's redemption and believe on Jesus Christ.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God
Romans 5:12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. 13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
After confessing, believing and calling on the Lord we can begin a personal relationship. It will change your life. Through the Bible, God has spoken to me. In Worship, I have felt God's presence. In fellowship with other believers and attending church, I have felt my faith strenghtened. I urge anyone reading this to experience this life changing difference.
"I serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today; I know that He is living, whatever men may say; I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer And just the time I need Him He's always near. Refrain: He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know He lives?He lives within my heart."- hymn "He Lives"
"By the grace of God I am what I am." 1 Corinthians 15:10
Yesterday evening a beloved man, Clifford, from our church passed away. He and his wife were the greeters at our church. He met everyone with a smile and a hug. He wore fun and interesting ties, sometimes he work a pink dress shirt. If you told him "God Bless you" he would reply "He already has" He loved God and had a geniune walk with Jesus. (See quote by Clifford in my blog "You gotta have heart") I was listening to a "Country Gospel" CD in memory of Clifford this morning. He loved hymns and recently sang "Nothing but the blood of Jesus" in church. I remember growing up hearing so many of the old hymns. I know many of them by heart. I sang some with my mom in church as a child. If you've been raised in church or if you've had parents or grandparents who sang these old hymns you've probably been touched by one. This morning I was moved to tears by the hymn "Just a Closer Walk with Thee"
I am weak, but Thou art strong;Jesus, keep me from all wrong;I'll be satisfied as long as I walk, let me walk close to Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Through this world of toil and snares,If I falter, Lord, who cares?Who with me my burden shares?None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
When my feeble life is o'er,Time for me will be no more;Guide me gently, safely o'erTo Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be."
I think that the older generation of christians are such an inspiration to me. Many of them have went through so much in their lifetimes. It has taken me many years to realize that the only way to keep your faith strong is to not falter in reading the Bible, praying and worshiping God. I've tried to live life on the fence. I've tried to have some of God and some of the world. But God never gave up on me. He still tugged at my heart. He draws me back time and time again.
My number one goal in life is to live my life as I've seen my dear friend Bonnie (who passed away December) and my christian brother Clifford. They have fought the fight, they have won the race. Hebrews 12:1"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." KJV
I'd rather stand for something, than nothing at all.
"We must remember that we're each in process. We each have the messy, the mundane, and the delightful in our lives to a greater or lesser degree at one time or another. The most destructive thing we can do is envy others their triunph, rejoice in their messiness, or become discouraged by our own in relation to others'."- Sarah Zacharias Davis from "Confessions from an Honest Wife"
I read this and it seemed relavent to what I just wrote in The Day to Day to Day to Day STUFF.
Today in church Pastor Jim (a visiting pastor) talked about "Embracing the journey to fulfill your destiny" and "Moving foward living with our backs to the past." I've known people that say they have no regrets in life. Usually they say this because every decision we make, makes us who we are. I do regret decisions I've made. But I hope I've also learned from them. I know somethings that seemed so hard at the time have changed my life is such a remarkable way. I've asked God many times "Why?" Sometimes we never see the reason. Sometimes we just see that God will open another door. The world teaches us not to forgive. It teaches us to not get mad to get even. Sometimes we let our old hurts keep us from moving forward. As a demostration the congregations all got balloons and blew them up. Thinking of someone that had hurt us, a parent, a friend, a sibling, etc...Then we all let go of the balloon and let the hurt go. It was neat seeing all the balloons fluttering around releasing air, releasing peoples hurts. Most people have hurts. As Pastor Jim said some people may not even know they've hurt you. I can think of many instances where I've had to let things go. Sometimes it's taken years. It is hard, but we are freer if we can live with our backs to the past.
-Sanctity of Human Life Sunday 2007 bulletin insert by Indiana Right to Life -www.protectinglife.com
-"The Rescuing Hug" These twins were born prematurely and placed in seperate incubators. One sibling was struggling to survive. A nurse decided to move them together and the stronger sibling placed her arm around her sister and her heart rate and tempture improved. They are now in kindergarden.
"You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139: 13-16
I've been researching facts on abortion and it is scary. 43% of American women will have had at least one abortion by the age of 45.
Of the reported legal abortions according to the Center for Disease control and Prevention (CDC) Abortion surveillance Report, Jan. 7, 2000 in 1972 there were 586,760 abortions and 25 years later in 1997 there were 1,184,758. Nearly twice as many!!!
15,000 abortions each year are attributed to rape and incest. This represents only about 1% of abortions!
In a 1990 Canadian study of 22,000 women who received prenatal diagnosis, 88% who found they were carrying a child with Down Syndrome aborted the unborn child. Other studies have put the rate of Down Syndrome abortions at about 90%
"The fertilization of an egg can occur as early as 15 minutes after intercource. This egg contains 46 human chromosomes. These chromosomes are a complex genetic design for every detail of the prenatal human development. This genetic design includes hair, sex, eye color, skin tone and height."
-Focus on the Family website http://www.heartlink.org/beavoice/
When looking at the Sanctity of Human Life bulletin I noticed the face of the boy with Down Syndrome. I have had the priveledge of meeting and cutting the hair of a Down Syndrome boy. He is so incredibly happy! I've also read much on the internet of parents or siblings with Down's syndrome children, their many obsticles and their many triumphs! It is obvious that those parents, siblings, etc. have been blessed.
Today our community is gathering together at St Thomas Aquinas Church in Knox at the Monument for The Unborn. There they will mourn the lost of an unborn child, either from a misscarriage or an abortion. I've lost a grandchild to a misscarriage and I often wonder what he/she might have been like. I believe I will see her/him in heaven someday. Many of us have known someone who has had an abortion. It is for many a choice that is regretted. But God Forgives...God Heals...and God Restores. I do not pretend to know what it is like to go through this but there are excelent resources for post-abortion trauma at http://www.heartlink.org/beavoice/ "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." -Lamentations 3: 22,23 "I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee." -Isaiah 44:22
I have a strong opposition to abortion. It is not a way to fix a mistake. God has not given us that right. I know many people hide their mistakes even encourage their children to hide their mistakes this way. Then there are the brave people that give life to these mistakes and they don't feel like mistakes anymore! A child is never a mistake. "How could we put a price on even one helpless little baby in it's mother's womb? Each one is worth more than the possessions of the entire world." -Dr. James C. Dobson
This is not a political issue for me. I am aware of the arguements for abortion. I just don't agree that life and is in our hands.
Are we playing God with stem cell research? What do you think? Post a comment.
I watch Dr. Phil regularly and even though I get extremely frustrated with the dramatics I am interested in human psychology. It is disturbing to see that behind many white picket fences there are so many human concerns. I remember being young and believing I was invincible. My faith was unshakable, my marriage was stable, my morals were intact, etc. Then human imperfection got in the way. I use to say, "I would never..." Never say never. Some of the things I have witnessed on the Dr. Phil show have definitely seemed unconventional. And yes, there are things I don't believe I'd ever do that I see on there. However, I believe that many of us have a "Sin which doth so easily beset us" Hebrews 12:1, obsessions, addictions that we may always battle with. Whether it is alcoholism, drug use, bulimia, cutting, anger management, pornography, an unhealthy relationship, etc., an obsession or addiction can take over your once calm life and turn your days into constant frustration. It can come from out of nowhere or it could stem from a deeper root. If allowed to breed it can destroy your life and others. Sometimes even harmless behaviors can escalate into a consuming obsession. I've watched interviews where normal people become addicted to things and they have become so consumed that their families were suffering too. In fact they made a show to glamorize this, called "Desperate housewives" (I've never personally watched it). Affairs, pill addictions, shop lifting, lying, deception, greed, jealousy, etc are good TV, Why? I don't know. Look at our soaps, our talk shows. Well, it might be good TV but it's not "good real life"! It's miserable. Mark 7: 20-21 "It is the thought-life that defiles you. For from within, out of a person's heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy , slander, pride and foolishness." New Living Translation.
I think our family structure may be destroyed if we don't seek help. Where does one find help from obsessions and addictions? First I had to want to be free from my obsession. I couldn't live like that anymore. Personally I believe finding professional guidance to break free is essential. Then having people in your life to find you accountable for your actions, people who will not sugar coat things for you but tell you the truth. To protect against obsessions and addictions I believe in seeking God with all your heart through prayer and Bible study. Naturally avoiding the thing that causes your weakness 100% will keep you guarded. Lastly, associating with people who will make you stronger, people that too have went through something similar and triumphed! Then don't ever think yourself invincible again. For even King David (a man after God's own heart, Acts 13:22 ) was tempted and sinned. (2 Samuel 11) Being through an obsession myself has made me more aware of the infallibility of mankind. I hope I am more forgiving and sympathetic. But of course there are things to me that seem unforgivable. I am mortified and bewildered at the shear evilness of some human beings. "Lord, how long will the wicked, how long will the wicked triumph?" Psalm 94:3 But for those wishing to be released and absolved there is forgiveness, there is prevalence.
**There is a powerful video by "Third Day" called "Cry Out to Jesus" at music.yahoo.com/musicvideos type in "Cry Out to Jesus" to watch/listen. Powerful!!!!
Experiences in life often shape our personalities. I have learned not to judge people too harshly because they are what they are because of life circumstances. However I believe it is also possible and sometimes necessary to change what shapes us. Especially when it affects those around us. Too often we use the excuse that is just the way I am. Or I was born that way.
Yesterday I was somewhat angered to hear of an acquaintance of mine putting down women because he's been through a divorce. It was affecting someone close to me that I'd rather not have a poor opinion of women. After all I am a woman! I too was scarred by a divorce. I too could of thought all men were scum. So... Divorce scars...Not just the divorcees but the children. Jess asked about the statistics of divorce. Yah, they suck, 50-50. I believe from experience that our children need us to do all that we can to make our marriage work. I wish Jess and Kev had never experienced divorce!! I hope they won't be afraid of marriage but will work with a fever to protect their marriages when they have one. Especially giving their children the gift of both parents united, not divided! I still believe in happy endings. I thank God and give Him total credit for happy ever afters. I think that marriages need that extra help that God gives us. After all without God where is the forgiveness? I think people fail to forgive when they don't feel they have ever really done anything to be forgiven for. How often we think, I would never do that! A friend gives me credit for not holding grudges. Truth is I do hold hard feelings. I have a hard time when someone does me wrong and doesn't recognize it or doesn't ask for forgiveness. But life has taught me that I can screw up and screw up bad. I need others' forgiveness so I need to forgive others. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, then your Father will forgive you your trespasses. But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14 &15 KJV
"And why to you look at the speck in your brother's eye and do not consider the plank in your own eye." Matthew 7:3 NKJV If we recognize our own idiosyncracies maybe it'll be easier to understand others. How about the person that cut us deeply? Haven't we all been there? A friend of mine was recently hurt by her family members. Been there, done that? I know a few, who have. I've also seen people carry it to the grave. How much of it is misunderstanding? I want to be forgiven. I will try to forgive. That doesn't mean that some people just push our buttons with their arrogance....Sometimes these people just make life unpleasant and if they aren't gonna change I don't want to spend much time with them. It's not my job to correct them, but forgive them. After all I do have a lot to work on, myself.
I had a dream the other night and I saw the most beautiful castle. There was also the most incredible sunset I'd ever seen. I told Roger that I hoped God wasn't giving me a preview of Heaven that I was going to see that day:) Well, that was another day and here I am on this wretched earth still:) I really believe we have a beautiful world, {Listen to "Beautiful World" by G.S. Megaphone} Recently I witnessed the fraility of life. I was second upon the scene of an accident which the devastation of the vehicle left me certain someone was killed. Later I learned that a 16 year old was thrown from the truck. She died two days later from internal injuries. I happened upon this accident by chance since I missed my regular turn. I did not respond as I would have liked. I froze in my car, willing myself to get out but I never. I did pray. I knew the first car there was a fireman and a first responder. A friend said that the fireman was there for the physical need and I was there to pray. I did not know who or what to pray for. I just prayed. I'm not sure what purpose my prayer served. I wanted to see a life spared from death but it wasn't.
I have questioned the great mystery of prayer lately. Prayer is the one thing God gave us to do because we are so powerless. It truly is our only source of hopefulness. Do we have some influence on what happens in our lives I've asked myself? Doesn't God ultimately decide anyway? After pondering this question and talking with others I've come to the belief that prayer can change things. If...The big word that determines our destinies. "If my people which are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways. I will heal their nation."
2 Chronicles 7:14 (paraphrazed) We make choices that infuence our lifes. God knows what those choices will be, even the prayers we are gonna pray. Since we don't see the big picture we often don't understand how our prayers/actions make a difference. Roger said that he once copied some scripture to share with his dad. What he didn't realize at the time was that he was copying those scriptures more for himself. He needed them later for inspiration and faith. We don't always see how things are gonna lead.
Prayer isn't just mindless repetions. Prayer is our communion with God, which means he is also communing with us. Alot of times during prayer and meditation we may hear God. Not an audible voice but a thought that we feel has come from God. He may speak to us about an unforgiven heart and bring someone to mind that we need to forgive. He may bring to mind a person that needs our prayers, love, support, he may convict us of a sin. Prayer is also a way to give God glory that he desevers. ACTS is a acronym for praying. A-Adoration, C-Confession, T-Thanksgiving, and S-Suplication. As in the Lord's Prayer "Our Father which art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom and the Power forever and ever. Amen." Matthew 6:9
I wish I knew all the great mysteries of God but "...For now we see thru a glass darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I am known." 1 Cor. 13:11-13 I doubt that I'll always understand God's plan. I question whether my faith will sustain when God takes away: during the grief; the trials of this life. But I know without Him I'd have total hopelessness. As a friend of mine put it "What else do we have to do when we are in despair" There really are no atheists in trenches or ICU. I pray because "if" I can have some way to change things, I need to.
Jesus or Hopelessness.
"I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by your side. I can only imagine what my eyes will see when your face is before me. Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall. Will I sing Hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine... When that day comes and I find myself standing in the Son. I can only imagine when all I will do is forever, forever worship you." - Mercy Me
Paul, my brother passed away this June. When I hear the song "I Can Only Imagine" I can see Paul in the presence of Jesus, dancing and worshiping. His pain gone, a broad smile across his face. I've pondered many times why God took Him? I wondered if God took him because of the pain he was undeniably in? The pain the had wrecked thru his body since the motorcycle accident that should have taken his life. I've always believed that things happen because "gravity works" and while we are in this world we are subject to physics. However I know that God can intervene. Roger, my husband believes that God's timing is so that our souls are prepared. To spare us from an entaglement of sin or a worse situation in the future. I think those last months of Paul's life were times in which God spoke to Paul. We are so busy living this life that sometimes we don't think about eternity. Paul's life was stopped in it's tracks. Because of his accident he recognized his need for God in his life again. As he wrote in a letter to me "Lorie, Remember when I was 15 or 16 and I felt like God wanted me to be a preacher? Well anyway, I felt so good inside. I wish I could feel that way again."
My peace is from knowing that he was prepared and his pain is gone. He also feels good inside again!
Sanctity of Human Life Sunday 2007 bulletin insert by Indiana Right to Life -www.protectinglife.com
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