What I Wish People Would Know About Me ~I am nothing without Christ

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny."
~ lyrics to "Christ Alone"

 

 

 

I am very moved by this song.  I think because anytime I hear about the blood of Jesus cleansing me it reminds me of why I love Him so much, why my Faith is renewed, how I've needed that cleansing blood in my life!

I wasn't always living for Christ.  I spent many years, living for myself.  I believed but I didn't want to serve.  I wanted to serve my own purposes, my own pleasures.  I often thought of my soul and if during this time I'd be lost if I died.  I believe God had a greater purpose for me even while I was serving my own purpose.  He didn't allow me to die because He had called me to live for Him at a very young age. 

I was first baptised at the young age of about 6.  I loved Sunday School, I loved the Bible, I loved Jesus.  So at a little Baptist church that I often went to by myself  (we lived across the street) I asked to be baptised and the pastor told me the significance of Baptism.  I was washing away the sinful man (which at the age of 6 I'm sure my sins were not very significant but I still had a selfish heart) and I was rising out of the water as a new child of God.  Not one that would just live for Him on Sunday, but one who would read her Bible, communicate with God through prayer and try to live a pure life that God choose for me.  Not to hinder me, but to bless me.  Not to make me a robot who mindlessly believed, followed and served out of obligation, but a true Christian who sought Him with her heart and felt His presence in the good times and the bad times.  I had a great example, of course, in my mom.  And my dad for 11 short years.  My parents were flawed, but they also were forgiven as I learned through my years I would be too. 

My faith remained strong, I thought.  Until I was going through my mid twenties.  Life was not all I expected.  I wanted excitement.  I didn't like to go to church anymore because it left me with convictions.  Convictions that were not forced upon me but that were coming from my heart (where God continued to dwell)  I tried to put out of my mind the gentle tugs from God.  I walked deeply into a lifestyle that spiraled into sin.  I made decisions that felt good at the time, they were pleasurable and I even felt justified.  I thought why shouldn't I do this, I'm an adult I've not experienced this or that, what am I missing?  I won't go into the sins I committed (I'll leave you guessing) unless you really know me then you probably were there with me watching me struggle.  This path I stayed on for 10 years. 

I went through divorce at this time and felt angry with God.  I wondered how he could take away the very thing I thought He blessed.  But He didn't take it away, we ruined it with one bad decision after another.  I still blamed God and even the church for not caring enough.  It wasn't God, it wasn't the church.  It was an evil liar who comes in the form of pleasure/temptation that made me believe God didn't love me.  Sound familiar to the serpent in the Garden of Eden? 

I met my husband now and we were two very different people. After being engaged I finally told him that I didn't want to sit at home and worry who he was with or when he'd be home from the bar with his friends.  This is not who I wanted to be married to.  I wasn't perfect of course.  But he stopped going to bars and I was happy.  We didn't live a wild lifestyle but we didn't live for any purpose than our own.  We raised our kids the best we could but they often witnessed some bad decisions. 

We often talked about what we believed about God and the Bible.  My husband had some mixed feelings because of his upbringing, which a very forced and mechanical religion played into that.  I remember sharing with him my beliefs but still felt like I couldn't live the life I once did.  I felt like I was never going to be able to restore my faith. 

We started looking for a church to try to piece together our lives and have a foundation to raise our kids on.  Once in church again, the songs stirred up feelings in me.  Especially songs like "At the Cross" or "Oh the Blood of Jesus"  So I got baptized again when my husband decided to confirm his faith.  He was really digging in.  He was studying the Bible and his faith was growing.  Mine was getting there but I sometimes felt I was just clinging to his faith instead of my own.  I was still having a hard time putting my trust in God again.  He hadn't let me down, put I still believed He had.  I believed my life should of been perfect when I was trying to be a good Christian.  And when it was less than perfect I blamed God. 

I didn't get what I so profoundly understand now.  People that truly put their trust in God withstand the trials of life and they grow through them.  God allows his children hard times so they learn and they learn to help others.  I often resented my husband because even though I called him my spiritual leader I felt he was better than me.  I had an opportunity to allow God to keep me from a painful situation but I choose to ignore Him and do what I wanted.  This is where that led if you care to read this poem I wrote. http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/07/my-spirit-struggled-i-heard-whispering.html

However today I have to say God has been working in my life and I've felt redeemed, forgiven and my faith restored beyond what it ever was.  My childlike faith has turned into a deeper faith I feel.  One that I depend on in good and bad times.  One I believe will be rewarded not in this life, but in my next.  I may still be tempted to make selfish decisions and I may mess up but I know that God is available to provide me a way out though if I just listen to Him.

 

 

 

"In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand"

~lyrics from "Christ Alone" 

Joining a Church and Spiritual Gifts

Recently my husband wanted to join our church.  I didn't really grasp onto the idea too easily.  Maybe because I feel with that membership there would be expectations from me.  I know that as a church body you are suppose to all work together to strengthen one another.  I also know that some people are a heck of a lot more outgoing than I.  I drug my feet until one Sunday, the sermon ended and the pastor said that God sometimes wants us to step out of our comfort zones.  As I tried to push my husband into the aisle to go forward before I chickened out, he drug his feet and stood his ground.  He does not like going in front of people.  So we went home and decided the next Sunday he'd talk to the pastor about it.  And yes, the pastor said the next step was to come forward.  We did and felt welcomed by all and we didn't have to do anything too uncomfortable. 
Now that we are members I think, what is my place in this congregation?  This is the scary part.  I took a spiritual gift quiz and got 18 questions in and think, "this isn't helping"  First off I was part of a church for 11 years and it took me years to feel comfortable around "some" of the people.  And there were things I either volunteered for or was asked (pushed) to participate in.  I often left those experiences with a feeling of "that didn't go anywhere" or "i didn't fit in" or "nobody listens to me"  I realize though that I have too high of expectations from people.  
Then I am so socially shy that I have retreated to telling people I can't participate because I have SAD (social anxiety disorder).  My friend claims that isn't true.  I attended a women's Christian retreat with her (with great angst to myself).  She contends that I blended in and talked so easily with the other women.  And I felt like it came pretty easy.  Except for the time I had to speak in front of a room full of people!  And of the women I thought I bonded with only one of them tried to stay in contact after I reached out to all of them.
As a youth, I sang in church, I was a youth leader, I was in plays, I spoke in front of the church, but it was a congregation of about 30-50.  And I had mostly friends, and family members around me.
I feel there are people in churches that enjoy getting involved.  Those who love to organize events and those who love to teach.  I am not one of those people.  I want to be a pew warmer.  So that brings me back to why join a church if you don't plan on participating? 
I don't like church dinners, or gettogethers.  I only like getting together with individuals.  I feel most comfortable being around one or two people.  I have the same friends since grade and middle school.  I have made some new friends over the years, I suppose.  Some of which are older people, like my friend Lola.  And when I did hair, I enjoyed talking to my clients for the most part. 
I did get to a place in my life where it was harder and harder for me to face the public.  I wanted to stay at home and never be around another person (non-family/close friend) again.   So I ask God, "what can someone as socially awkward as I do for you?" and he brought me to a couple of online groups.  There I could share and sympathize with the members.  They helped me through a pretty rough time and I "hope" I helped them. 
A few years back I felt compelled to work with foster children so I inquired about CASA. but when it came around to class time I wasn't feeling good physically or emotionally.  And now I've offered to help with an organization that helps unwed mothers.  It was a out of my comfort zone for me to make that offer.  I will see how it goes when that class begins in April.
I think of Moses in the Bible.  He didn't like to speak in front of others, so God gave him Aaron.  And I hope somehow God is using me.  I know God is suppose to give us all gifts and I feel a little self conscious looking for my "strengths" or saying "I have the gift of..."  I just will trust He has a plan and it will fit in with whatever gifts I might have?
I did have something happen to me in church today that made me think that maybe God was using me.  I often think of people I know who need prayer through out my day.  Today it was during church.  So as I was praying to myself for this person, I prayed "God, I don't know why they need prayer" Almost immediately the pastor said something similar to "sometimes we don't know what to pray for, but God knows"  I felt like maybe God did recognize my prayers and was using me, even if it were just to pray for someone.  And saying "just to pray" is inaccurate because prayer, I believe is the Christian's greatest tool in this world!

Ceramic Mug Repurposed with Acrylic Paint and Sharpies

I had grown really tired of these Christmas striped mugs.  We liked to use them cause they are the perfect size.  I read up online about painting Ceramic and lots of people were using enamel paints.  Then at ehow I found instructions for painting with acrylic paints.  So I had at it on one of our mugs for my husband's valentine's day gift.  
1) I took and laid the cup upside down on a newpaper (and I learned after I painted it that the paper stuck to the cup, so I switched to wax paper) I had to paint at least 3 coats of white to cover the stripes. I used a little foam brush and a small bathroom cup to hold the acrylic paint.
2) I let it dry about an hour after final coat.
3) I pencil drew my design. 
4) When I was happy with that I used sharpies to finish. 
5) Next I put it in cool oven at 325* for 30 mins. (do not preheat as the ceramic might crack)
5) Finally turn oven off and let cool in oven for about 20 mins. 
6) It must cure for 72 hours before using.  I haven't tested mine yet but hopefully it will be durable for dishwasher. 

Removing Hair Dye from Skin

 

Loving that new dark hair color but hate the hair color smudges around your hairline, on your neck, top of ears, etc.  One simple solution...

 

  Use a little baking soda on a wet wash cloth and rub.  No need to rub excessively.  It will come of with little effort.