In Memory of Mom (Beverly)

Mom passed away on Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 6:30 CST. We are unsure why she hung onto life those prior 6 days or why God didn't take her. We questioned whether there might be one more person she needed to see or hear from. Knowing her love for her mom, Eleanore we called her. Grandma told mom of her love for her. A nurse, Billie at Parkview had asked me during mom's stuggle if Roger and I ever prayed together. Even though not as often as we should, I said yes. After several days of mom struggling to thrive, I finally suggested to Roger that we pray over mom together. We closed the curtain around her bed and each said a prayer standing over her with hands laid on her. We prayed that God would end her suffering and she'd be in his loving arms. Beverly loved hugs and the day her cancer doctor told her she would not get better she clung to his arm. I picture her in heaven, clinging to Jesus. And He won't be too busy to let her cling to Him. I wanted to give a eulogy in memory of Beverly at her funeral. But because of our differences in faith, dad (Jim) did not want anyone to speak but his "brother" from the Jehovah Witness Hall. So without the music like hymns to move me, the reminensing or the promise of Heaven I was not able to express my grief as I would like. Even though the speaker did give me credit for becoming like a daughter to Beverly, not until I kissed her forehead goodbye one final time did I finally shed the tears I needed. Then at home listening to worship music by Jeremy Camp I released many tears at our sorrow of not seeing her again on this Earth. There were many people I wanted to thank at the funeral and had included this in my eulogy. So I will post it here in remembrance of a wonderful lady.

Her hugs, her laughter, her sweet smile, her determination to not allow the cancer to get her spirits down, her positive attitude kept her strong, I believe for so long.Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit
"Cancer is so limited.It cannot cripple love.It cannot shatter hope.It cannot corrode faith.It cannot destroy peace.Cancer cannot kill friendship.It cannot suppress memories.It cannot silence courage.It cannot invade the soul.It cannot steal eternal life.And it cannot conquer the spirit."It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren

God worked in all our lives over this last difficult year. I gained closeness with mom I never had. Roger felt freer to express his love to both his parents. As an only child Roger had an incredible place in his mother’s heart. With no siblings to share his sorrow he often turned focus to his dad and helping him.

Mom and Dad spent 41 years of marriage together. It moved me to see her and Jim holding hands or Jim laying a gentle kiss on her check or rubbing her cheek or arm with his hand.
Mom loved to spend time with Erik. He grew up sitting between grandpa and grandma in their GMC traveling many times to go eat at their favorite places or to visit their many friends. He never was able to leave her house without giving Grandma a hug!
Beverly had many friends. Many of which stuck close by her at the end…
Rosie and John of who they shared 42 years of friendship.
Others like Myra who came to visit or bring food, clean, or play cards with mom.
Family that visited, some from far away like her brother Larry and family.
Beverly’s mother, Eleanore who traveled from Massachusetts to spend some very special times with her this summer.
Her brother Sid and wife Mary who always brought a smile and laugh when they came.
I’ve never witness such an outpouring of love and kindness as I did these final days of mom’s life. The nurses and staff at Parkview Haven and Southern Care Hospice showed so much love and compassion to mom and our family.1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you dear friends and loved ones!


Mom we will never forget your precious smile, your loving hugs, your laughter… Til we meet again. Goodbye Mom

Love, Lorie

Vigal and God's comforting

Death vigal-Definition: Family members or friends who gather around the bedside to watch over the person at the end of life until the death occurs.
We have been spending time with Beverly over the last couple of days because the nurses told us her condition was worsening and she was showing signs of dying. We got many different answers to how long she had. The one that most stood in my mind was Sandy, a nurse of many years that said "If this were my mom, I'd want to be here" and "I've seen many deaths and she has that look" Her blood pressure dropped dramatically over night. Her blood oxygen levels decreased significantly. She stopped taking in any fluids. Her temp. raised greatly. Her eyes were glazed and she was almost non-responsive. That was Thursday am. We rushed to her side. We spoke our goodbyes, we cried, we prayed, we released her, and we were prepared...The only time she would awake was when the nurses would move her because of her bedsore. The pain would cause her to moan and open her eyes. We'd try to get her to focus on us but were unsure she even saw us. Were left at 9pm as her vitals stayed the same and she was resting peacefully. We told the nurses that we had said our goodbyes and asked them to let us know if she became distressed or passed away. We slept unawakened by the pending phone call. This morning we called and they told us she was the same as the night before. We took care of some business and an hour later arrived at Parkview to see mom. Her vitals had improved and her temp. dropped over the last hour her nurse said. We walked into her room to see her wide eyed. She smiled at us today, tried to communicate, ate some ice cream and applesauce and took in liquids, and even laughed at us some. She nodded yes to direct questions. We marveled at the change and we thanked God for the opportunity to see her smile again and watch dad feed her icecream. She didn't seem in pain and told us she didn't have any pain. It was very frustrating to try and figure out what she wanted to tell us sometimes. We assured her that we knew that she loved us and tried to ease any worries she had. We left again this evening with instructions to the nurses to please call if there were any changes. We are emotionally spent. Roger's dad ate dinner with us. We tried to share with him about relationship with Jesus that could help him through this. He is very indoctrinated that he is not open to any other beliefs or faiths beside his own. He does not have an assurance of salvation, only a hope that he and Beverly "have been good enough" It's a sad situation but I believe God will reach through that shell and reach his heart. We can't serve God with our heads it has to be with our hearts. The Jehovah Witnesses serve with their works. They don't trust the Bible on it's own, they trust their "Watch Tower and Bible and Tract Society" They believe all other religions are false. We couldn't get past the things that have been pounded in his head for at least 42 years. I know God can reach into his heart and I hope he truly finds a personal Jesus in all of this. The Christian faith is the only faith that has a God who is personal to us, loves us, forgives us, has mercy and grace on us. In the midst of an imperfect world we often question God. I have often questioned God but I've also seen some good expressions of his love in my life. For example the road we've taken over the last year. One year from tomarrow, October 11, 2007 was the date we saw a double rainbow while going to her first appt. with the cancer doctor. I called it "Beverly's Rainbow" A sign I beleived was a promise from God to take care of her. see http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/11/beverlys-rainbow.html She wasn't healed as I had anticipated but she lived a year of many ups and downs. Some of which brought her closer to her family, helped her feel loved and appreciated, a year she went thru with little to no pain 'til just lately, one where she got stronger then weaker and felt the love of many people. Now of which will end with a new beginning, in a new body, "Where there shall be no more tears, or suffering" I am thankful for a merciful God who can speak to our hearts even during death as Jesus spoke to the theif on the cross when He said "Today you shall be with me in Paradise"
Another miracle that happen this week is in the midst of Roger losing his mom was when my demented mom says to Roger. "Hey, do you know who you are?" Roger asked, "who?" and mom replied, "you are my son!" It made Roger feel so good. It reminded me of Jesus on the cross, seeing his mother suffer from losing her son He said to Mary, "Woman, behold your son" of John and to John he said "Behold your mother" How God used my mom to comfort Roger in the loss of his mother is a sign to us that God cares about us! He may not take away the suffering and pain in this world but He promises to "never leave us or forsake us"

What to expect when your love one is dying

I have been on the Internet today trying to find out what to expect with Beverly as she nears the end. I found good information at http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html. We've spent several hours with her over the last 4 days. Yesterday was especially hard cause she is having a hard time swallowing and had not ate or drank anything for the nurses. We offered to help her and they let us. Roger wanted me to try as I did the day before. I tried to get her to take sips of broth, and pop but could not tell if she really wanted them. I felt like I was forcing her. Her eyes would tear up and I just couldn't do it anymore, so Roger tried again. We had sat the head of the bed up which made her uncomfortable I could tell. I told Roger to put it back down again and let her rest comfortably. When we first came into the room and we waked her she said "Well, well, well." Sunday evening it took all she could do to say to us "Thank you for coming" It is heart wrenching. I've told Roger we need to let the nurses and hospice do their job and we just come and let her know we are there. Read to her, talk to her, soothe her (Rog rubs her head) but not try to force her to eat or drink. I also confirmed this when I read the info on the hospice site.

Dad cried on the way there. Rog touched his shoulder assuring him we are here for him. He keeps saying it's a natural part of life and he'll be fine. He says he doesn't like to see her suffer. She does have pain when she is moved and they've now placed a cathedar in. She has a bedsore that probably won't completely heal but they will treat. Her body is frail, her arms just skin and bone, her eyes hopelessly sad and glazed over. Hospice is good and the nursing home staff are excellent. I don't know how people manage at home with their loved ones during these last stages. I am glad for the time we had Beverly at home and she could sit up and interact with us still. Now I just want her to be comfortable. They will start a new pain med. Roxenal which she won't have to swallow since that is getting very hard.

My neighbor kept her mom home til she died. She said she wishes now she'd let her go to the nursing home. Some of the family wanted her alert, other's (my neighbor, her primary caregiver) wanted her pain free. There was conflict in the family. I think it'd be nice to have more family around us but since Rog is an only sibling there is just us. We do appreciate extended family, friends and the church that has called and offered their help. I am a little ticked about those who haven't called. I guess as I've said before you don't realize how important a card, an e-mail, a call can be until you've been thru this yourself. I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive those who find excuses not to help. I really need help with this! I have a few friends that are dealing with aging parents and illness. I hope I can be of some comfort to them because of my experiences. Kev called last night, he didn't ask how I was but I poured my heart out to him anyway. That's what we need...someone to just listen...and pray...and care.

On a positive note. Beverly's color is still good, she still will smile at us, she knows we are there. And my mom is awesome! I told her I was sorry I was neglecting her but Beverly needed me more and she was so understanding. I will take her to the dentist this Thursday...I hope it goes well, she has a broken tooth. I think God made mom a little better while we are going thru this with Beverly.

Camdyn turned 2 and Jess and Casey had a birthday party for him. He loved all his "cars" stuff and toys but threw his clothes!

Sustaining...

I don't know how to begin. I guess to say that a strength greater than me has been sustaining me these days. I typically wouldn't see myself as a caregiver. But because of my love for Roger and my love and sympathy for Roger's mom (and dad), I've taken off work to care for Beverly in our home til she can go into Parkview once again. Jim was not able to care for Beverly properly anymore so I had to learn the ins and outs of caring for a hospice patient. Regardless of what people may believe, Hospice is only a support group for the family. The nurse comes once a week and the aid twice for baths. The family are the caregivers. And since Rog is the only sibling, that leaves us with sole responsibility. I've talked with lots of others in this situation. It is amazing the roles children can take on for their parents. Becoming the caregiver, lossing sleep, helping manage finaces, being comforters, all while grieving the nearing dismise of their loved one (which you never truly know when) Once when Beverly actually slept thru the entire night I checked in on her and she seemed to be asleep. So I started imagining the worse. Then I heard her bell ring. An often dreaded but blissful sound this time. We are not ready. There is always one more moment we want to share. However, when her stronger (now) pain comes or her disturbing vomiting comes you want her to go; to go to sleep and wake up with the Lord. Roger has been so grateful for my help. He has struggled as he sat with her and had her repeat to him how much she loves him. He has struggled when his dad broke down in tears and Rog held him in his arms. Jim and Beverly have been together 41 years together tomarrow, Sept 23. I am moved when I see Jim holding Beverly's hand as she sits in her wheelchair next to him on our couch. Or when they kiss goodnight as Jim goes to an empty house without his life partner. He sleeps best at home but comes over to visit and eat. He says he hates to eat alone.
I am not sure how long I can do this. I want life back to normal. I am feeling selfish but at the same time I am feeling sustained and blessed. I do think that if I have to continue I won't hold it together. It's only been a short time but feels so long. I miss my grandbaby and the time I spent with him. I miss alone time with Rog and Erik. I want to go see Kev's new apartment at college. I want to go to a movie with a friend. I want to be selfish!!! I don't want to get up in the middle of the night or clean anymore bottoms. I don't want to smell the stinch of urine and waste or see the sight of vomit, wiping strings of spit away. I do want to play a game of cards with her and see her smile as Rog helps her win. I do want to share their anniversary cake with her and Jim and take their picture holding one another. I do want to keep receiving her hugs. I do want Rog to enjoy as many good moments as he can with her. I do want Erik to recognize the importance of taking care of someone, of family. I appreciate the friends and church who have called with concern and sent food or offered help. No one knows what it means until they experience it!!!

The Greatest Generation

"You're in the 'middle ages' - sandwiched between the 'greatest generation' and the 'gimme' generations" from Family Squeeze by Phil Callaway
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.

"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel

"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)

The Flying Elastic

The doctors now tell us that Beverly's cancer is untreatable and she is in a nursing home because of the weakening of her bones and the danger of her falling and breaking her very fragile hip. When she is ready to come home we've made arrangements to have Hospice come help Jim and us learn to take care of her. We did not get to take her to Boston to see her mom. We canceled our trip and are hoping Roger's uncle can bring grandma here for a visit. We've been told Beverly could deteriorate rapidly. We don't know what to expect? She is in good spirits and looks good. She has little or no pain, still! If a positive attitude could keep her alive she'd live forever!
For each crisis/period in my life I get a book. While raising a teen, when Jess moved out, when Kev went to college, thru marriage difficulties, now when taking care of an ill parent (again) The book called "Family Sqeeze" by Phil Callaway is "Tales of hope and hilarity for a sandwiched generation" A sandwiched generation being a generation taking care of children at home still and aging or sick parents. His take on life is to look for the blessings in all situations. It truly can be a daunting task. How much of a blessing can it be to have a mom dying of cancer? However as a friend stated "We should feel lucky to have this time before she dies to tell (or show) her our love" This is what we are doing and it does feel good. It feels good to make her smile or laugh. Today Beverly was using her rubber elastic tied to the side of her bed to do her therapy. Stretching it across her body like putting on a seat belt. Roger was sitting next to the bed and Erik and I prompted her to let go of the elastic. ZAP! It flew past Roger's head! We laughed so hard that Erik's gum fell out of his mouth. I've certainly grown close to Beverly and Jim too. Something that hadn't happened until now. Roger has also bonded with his dad thru this all, helping him with all the difficult decisions and financial woes. We have went thru some discouraging news this year. It has really tested my faith. So I do ask "Why God?" but I also know that I don't see things the way God does. I can't see the BIG picture. I think God understands our questionings. I think we can be honest with Him. Can we grow thru trials? Maybe, we'll see... So much uncertainty lies ahead.

My Constants, "Love, Hope and Faith"

If you are a fan of the TV series "Lost" then you saw last weeks episode where Desmond needed to find a constant in his past life and his present life to keep from dying. His constant was his girlfriend Penny. It was quite a moving episode. This week started out pretty dreary with the weather, cloudy, cold and rainy. I went to work Monday feeling like the mouse in the wheel. I don't always want to do another day. Basically, life is pretty dull. We go to work, we work at home, we struggle to pay our bills, and we go to sleep and start over. Yes, occasionally we have something to look forward to, a vacation, a move, a tax return, a day off work with no obligations. But mostly life is a grind. But how often do we think that we'd have it better if we had a different job, more money, a different spouse (NOT ME OF COURSE), more manageable kids, a bigger house, a maid, a fitness trainer, etc... However, I did find that my "Constants" in life make it more bearable and worth living. Some of my constants are routines. Reading a devotion with Erik before school, listening to my new voicemail from Rog that he left on his way to work, coming home from work on lunch to eat and watch TV, making supper and relaxing on the couch, going to church on Sunday and taking a day off of housework. Roger is my constant. I know I can call him or talk to him about anything that frustrates me, anything that makes me laugh, anything that makes me cry, etc. His love is a constant! Then when I need to complain about Roger I call Traci! (Not very often though:) My faith is a constant, I know that even when I don't feel it I know it is still there. Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hope is a constant. Recently we had some of our hopes crushed. The land we were given by Roger's parents to build on was not buildable. The septic was not approved because the water table was too high. We wasted about $1200 finding that out. Our bigger tax check was wasted! So we thought we had free land, we thought we had extra money to find out we had neither! But I still believe (Have hope) that there is a reason to all this. One reason could be that we are not suppose to move or we are suppose to move somewhere else beside next to Rog's parents! I have hope that something better will happen. Maybe we'll have more land but a smaller house. Maybe we'll stay where we are and get out of debt. Maybe we'll move to Tennesee! It is hard not to have control of our lives but God is in control and I must trust Him. No matter how glum it looks sometimes. Part of having hope is remembering how something that didn't seem good at the time turned out to be for our better. If we remember those times we can have hope that God is in charge and we can trust that all things will work out for the best, somehow.

Giving

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
THE POOR AND LONELY AND SAD,
The more of you heart's possessing
Returns to you glad.

-John Greenleaf Whittier

I am overwhelmed by the gifts I hear people are buying at Christmas. I feel obligated to keep up with the Jones'. I worry that Erik will return to school and upon comparing Christmas gifts with the other kids he will feel shorted. But I refuse to give into this material pressure. It is not the gifts that will make him happy. But the time spent with his family. As I watched him pogo around the cabin we rented for Roger's birthday or as he and Roger play the video game Erik bought him we are creating a memory that the toy itself cannot compare with. Toys, and things get discarded, we get bored with them. If we could just give a little more to the poor, lonely and sad and a little less to ourselves I believed we'd receive more joy. I have a family that is blessed with all their needs and then some. I know there are so many without. There are so many I wish I could just share with. Still I cannot fix the world's problems: the hunger, the abuse, the sad, the lonely, or even global warming. But I can try and make a difference in small ways. In the end it is God who is in control and no matter how much man tries to fix things we can't. We all play just a small part in this great big world.

Luke 14:12 Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

It is fun to give to our loved ones, especially little children whose faces light up when they open a present. It is great to show our love through thoughtful gifts. I enjoy preparing a special meal for friends and family. I think there is so much pressure sometimes with the buying, the preparing, and it is harder and harder to find the perfect gift. I think the perfect gift I could get from my children would be a letter each year from each of them that tells me of the happy memories from that year, or what they appreciate and are thankful for. I wish I'd thought of it sooner so I could of started sending one to my mom each year. Only a mom could appreciate a gift like that. Or maybe we all could???

Beverly's Rainbow

The morning we took Beverly to the Cancer Clinic for the first time, we spotted a full rainbow. We felt it was a good sign. In Genenis 9 God gave Noah his rainbow as a sign he'd never destroy the Earth again with a flood. Genenis 9:12 "And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth."
But that day we heard bad news, Beverly probably had cancer. If anyone could of taken that news well it was Beverly. I felt part of it was that she was not grasping it fully. The next week the biopsy showed cancer "An Unknown Primary" -adenocarcinoma. Still the doctor was stumped about her bones. The pet scan showed a lot of holes in her bones which he said "looked like" cancer. But why no pain?? So he did more tests and another bone scan. Everytime a test would come back "no cancer here" (Breasts, Upper GI) Beverly would say "Good news, I don't have cancer here or there." So this week Rog and I talked among ourselves of prognosis (Everyone said how bad, painful cancer of the bones would be) Roger had a funeral in the back of his mind. I said all along that I didn't think she had cancer in her bones but the scan pointed to it. We prayed, we had others praying. I said "Rog, wouldn't it be a miracle if the oncologist looked at the bone scan and said "I don't see any holes. I don't think she has cancer of the bones" But still I doubted. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed"... We heard in church Sunday. I didn't have a lot of faith. Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Tuesday Rog, Jim, Beverly and I went to see the oncologist because the nurse suggested "the family be with" When we went in "ever positive" Beverly told Dr. Bruetman, "I hope you have good news for me" He said, "That depends on what you consider good news." And Praise God, Dr. Breutman did look at the bone scan and said he only saw one very small hole on the rib cage and none on the spine and he wasn't concerned anymore about bone cancer!!! A miracle. He did say she still had cancer in her body, most likely in the abdomen area (uterine, ovaries or stomach lining) but chemo is usually effective. She starts chemo next Friday. She may lose her hair he said. She probably wouldn't get too sick. The treatment will be 4 hours, once every 3 weeks. Also the ocupational therapist said Beverly would always need therapy for her swollen leg. She said the lymph node would never work the same again. Dr. Bruetman said he has seen the lymph nodes go down in size after chemo and function properly and her swelling should go down in her leg! We still have a long rode ahead. But Roger has said he can stop worrying about planning a funeral. And thanks to all this we have grown closer to his parents. We have a deeper bond and are trying to minister God's love to them. But we see God working in all our lifes.
Speaking of letting God work in our lives I've been trying to tell Kevin and his girlfriend that we can't always work things out ourselves. We have to let things happen the way God planned them. Sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes things don't make sense. But God has a plan and we have to let him work. I still am a chronic worrier. I still try to make things happen myself. But throughout my life I've seen God working "all things" for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose."

Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit

"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
Cancer cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
And it cannot conquer the spirit."
It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren

Emptying Nest

"One more piece of advice...one more hug...one more... Be prepared that one of the hardest things you will experience in life is...the first time you walk away from your child's dorm room or apartment leaving him or her behind."*
This last Friday I drove with Kev to college helping him move...one last thing I could do for him. Kev's roommate's mother clung to her son's neck not wanting to let go, her son saying, "Okay mom, goodbye." Then she said she cried when they drove away and he refused to look her way. Another mother told me that after her and her husband left her son at college then went to eat at Wendy's. They ate in silence as the songs playing in the restaurant were slow and sad. They both looked up at the same time meeting each other's tear filled eyes. I have not been a total wreck. I have not cried much. I've already had some adjustment as Kev lived with his sister this summer while he worked. But I look outside and see his car parked (it was gone most the summer unless he was home) and my heart sinks 'cause I know he's not home.
"Mourn the loss of a daily relationship with your child"*
I've called Kev twice since Friday and had nice talks with him but then I asked him to call me about his 1st day of class. No call yet- day 2... I don't want to bug him.
"Your job is done. It's their turn."*
I shopped for a month getting things Kev might need for his apartment. Eagerly anticipating helping him get his new apartment set up, I was part of the experience. Then I drove away and I was done parenting on a daily basis. We never stop wanting to help our children. Like telling him, " Make sure you disinfect the counter after you have meat on it." Or "Make sure the gas is off on your stove." Or "Please, please be careful riding your bike in traffic to class."
I've experienced this before with Jessica. I've yet to experience it with Erik, now 11. Erik went to middle school this year and I had difficulty dealing with that transition! The first day Erik went to Jr. High our cartoon came on TV that we watched this summer during lunch and I cried. I wondered how few years are left of his childhood... cartoons, stuffed animals, hanging with mom and dad??
I've been very moved to pray not only for my kids but for others' kids. I started making a list...but it's mostly as someone comes to mind. I hope there are others praying for my kids too!
"As parents, we play the role of reader and hardly ever pen the script..."I wrote the script and my kids don't follow it."** I just am hoping that they will discover in time as I did "If you chase after pleasure, you eventually will come to the same conclusion as King Solomon: "I said to myself, 'Come on, let's try pleasure. Let's look for the "good things" in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. What good does it do to seek pleasure?' " (Ecclesiastes 2:1–2)***
"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
— Psalm 16:11
*"When You're Facing the Empty Nest" by Mary Ann Froehlich
**"A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray
***From Greg Laurie's daily devotion August 20, 2007 http://www.harvest.org/

KEV CALLED!!!

Cas Haley or UB40?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNLWn6WLxp0

http://www.muvids.com/ub40_videos/i_cant_help_falling_in_love.html

which version of Elvis' original "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You?"
I can't decide??? I think maybe UB40 but Cas Haley has my vote on "America's Got Talent" NBC Tuesday. Check him out!
I love his reggae style.

Creation Museum

We went to a new museum on our vacation. It is The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. It combines the Biblical account of creation and science. Most museums use science to tell you how old dinasaurs were, how man came into existance, etc. One of things I liked about the dinosaur exhibit was that it shows you fosils and asks you to draw your own conclusions. Such as if a dinasaur had sharp teeth what would you perceive about it? That it is a meat-eater? Well, that would be a conclusion based on many of the animal species. However, the Koala bear, a vegetarian has sharp teeth to tear into the bamboo that they eat. Interesting...

What is science? It is man taking a little of what he does know (facts) and combining it with his own bias. How often does science disproves itself? One moment scientist theories say they know something then they find out otherwise. I've never had much faith in science. I trust that we are a result of intelligent design.

Some questions to ask? Did man and dinosaur live together? How about the Indian cave drawings showing man and dinosaur together. Are dinosaur bones really millions of year old? What about the T-rex bone that was found with red blood cells still intact?

The museum has very interesting exhibits. Some are replicals of dinosaurs, Deplictions of Noah's arc with one 3 story room exhibiting 1% of the actual size of the ark, and wax exhibits of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. The outside botonical gardens were beautiful with exquisite pond lillies, waterfalls, dinasaur carved subery, swinging bridges, gazebos and lush greenery.

** For more information on the creation museum go to http://www.answersingenesis.org/

***Due to some unexplainable problem with blogger I am no longer able to post pics:(

My Struggle

I looked the devil in the eye and let him in.
At first the emotions seemed exciting...breathless
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I turned to the right and then to the left,
Behind me a voice called,
"This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:21)
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I ignored the voice.
My selfishness was greater,
The excitement became an insatiable feeling.
It gripped at my life not letting go.
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I chose not to listen.
The excitement turned to confusion
This felt greater than myself
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I was in a dark cloud
I had grieved the Holy Spirit
I was seperated from God
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
As dominos my faith kept falling
One selfish behavior gave way to another
Where was my way out?
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
The excitement had turned to a tearing heartache
Only then did I see God...
Always there, whispering...
the word of God spoke to my hurting soul
"Put on the whole armor of God to withstand" (Ephesians 6:11-13)
Withstand and be proud of my choices
Don't let my emotions rule me
Know I am fighting the good fight.
My spirit was lifted
I listened to the whispering...


"If you want to change, if you want to break free from a vice that has you in its grip, a lifestyle you are trapped in, or an addiction that you can't seem to shake, then Christ has a word of encouragement to you: 'Get up and walk. You can do it. Be of good cheer, and arise.'(Mark 2:1-5)

I love this guy! Happy 13th anniversary!

This guy is the love of my life. I know exactly how lucky I am. I can love him intensely one minute and totally be maddened by him the next. We are both very opinionated people and we both think we are right most of the time. I wouldn't want someone who thinks just like me but on most issues we do agree. We've both changed a lot since we met, but we've grown together. I am surprised at how our values have changed over the years. I know that time, experience and mistakes have helped with that. But I also believe that "God works all things together for good to them that are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Rog has supported me in every difficult time. It is true that I don't always feel in love as I do at this moment but I know that in commitment our strength lies! I can believe he will always stand beside me because he has proven it. I don't question his commitment 'cause he has proven it. I know that in good and bad he will hold my hand. I know that when I am moody, sick, ugly, or just plain crazy, he will still love me. We usually love because of how someone makes us feel about ourselves. It's really pretty selfish. When life gets busy or we forget to pay attention to each other our spouses get neglected. I don't want to neglect the best thing that has happened to me. I want to honor him with my love and respect. I want to keep earning his trust, sharing his good and bad times, growing, dreaming and living together as long as we both shall live. This Monday will be our 13th anniversary! We plan on celebrating tomorrow night by going to Indiana Beach. We had a blast on our 10th there, even though it rained. I hope we'll have our grand baby on Sat. am and Sunday and Monday Rog, me and Boog are going with Matt and Traci and kids 4-wheeling at Haspin Acres. Pictures to come! Rog got me a new camcorder to record our new grand baby. Camdyn is army crawling now, it's so cute! Life would not be the same without Rog to share it. When all the kids are gone (and they're going fast) I know we will have each other. We have dreams, we have history, we have children, we have passion, we have friendship. We agree to disagree sometimes but ultimately accept each other. No one is a perfect fit but Rog is my best fit.

Hold the Sun-Dried Tomatoes

I tried to dress up my shrimp Alfredo by adding sun-dried tomatoes. I love them in recipes at restaurants! Notice the nice color it adds with the broccoli:) I was so proud that I took a pic! Then my family sat down to eat...Roger said "Eww, I don't like these." picking out the sun-dried tomatoes. Erik tried one and made a face. So they piled all theirs on my plate. And being my first experience cooking with sun-dried tomatoes, I had added too many to start. So half into mine, I got a little overwhelmed with them! But still I have to say it was a good combination and I would recommend it to others. So...Here's my recipe. It is quick and easy for harried moms and dads. Try it if you like.

Shrimp Alfredo with Broccoli and Sun-dried Tomatoes

Ingredients
1 Bag frozen cooked, peeled and cleaned large shrimp (about 40) Thaw and remove tails if on.
1 jar of Alfredo sauce
1/2 lb of whole-wheat pasta
8oz frozen chopped broccoli
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes chopped (revised!)
coarsely ground pepper
Grated Parmesan

Cook pasta according to package directions. In skillet add Alfredo sauce, frozen broccoli, chopped tomatoes, shrimp and pepper to taste and heat. Drain pasta and top with Alfredo sauce. Sprinkle with grated Parmesan.
Serves 6
Calories: too many!

The Guy and Girl I Love!

These two... What can I say. I adore them. It was only yesterday that I took this Halloween picture outside our trailor. I was a single mom. They were the glue that kept me together. Now look at my two grown children. So wonderful. I miss the toddlers that absolutely drove me crazy when I took them somewhere. How to you keep up with two little adventurers? I miss the preschoolers that were excited about everything. I miss the grade schoolers, that were so funny and playful. I miss the Jr. Highers that were trying so hard to grow up. I miss the teenagers that tried my patience and sometimes broke my heart with their struggle for independance. Jess is only 30 miles away but it seems too far. Kev is soon to go to Purdue. I am excited for him but I am feeling a sweet sadness. Seperation is good. Seperation is needed too sometimes. We will learn how much we all miss each other! Erik and I went with Kev to Day on Campus at Purdue. Purdue was like a little city. I imagined what it'd be like to be 18 again and on this kind of adventure. An adventure, I hope that will lead to a degree and a great job! I love these guys. I hope they remain close. I hope they can count on each other and their family to be their biggest supporters! I know I am one of their biggest supporters!

The Sacrifice

*the following is written by a friend

I have always had strong feelings of support for our troops but on Memorial Day those feelings run deep and strong. When our two Sons where growing up we would take them up to the Memorial Day Service at our Court House to watch their Grandfather shoot one of the guns before they played Taps. We would explain to them how soldiers fought and died so that we could be free and safe. In our town some people have forgotten that Sacrifice that was made for them. They staged a peace demonstration. I believe there is a time and a place for everything but this was not the time or the place. They have forgotten it took someone fighting and dying so that they could have the freedom of speech. Those who never had to sacrifice can never appreciate the cost. Freedom has always come with a price. Our son Levi is a Marine. He will be leaving for boot camp in March. Levi has always wanted to be a Marine. We are proud of his decision and will support him and the rest of the Troops. In these times of war and terrorism we feel the full impact of his decision. Levi feels the same as we do. We support our President in believing if you don't stop them over there they will be over here. My husband Kelly and I will be feeling and living the Sacrifice of not seeing our son for long periods of time and not knowing if he is safe or not. Levi is willing to fight and serve his Country. Levi knows the Sacrifice. We know the Sacrifice. Do you appreciate the Sacrifice? Ginger Reames

Proud Mother of a Marine

I am so proud to post this piece by my friend Ginger. I asked her to write about this because I knew her passion. I have questioned our involvement in Iraq but believe that we are standing against terrorism. I fully support our troops and President Bush's stand to stay firm. I know that he and his advisers know more than I do. I simply stand by our troops regardless of any controversy. Thank you, Ginger! Well said! I appreciate the Sacrifice. Let's pray for our soldiers. Thank you, Levi!

Getting off my soapbox

Can you still love others and disagree with them? YES! I just need to be more compassionate and look beyond the surface. When I don't agree with someone, I need to know that I am often wrong too. I am not the perfect parent, the perfect christian, the perfect partner, the perfect family member, or the perfect friend. Life is about relationship. We need to learn to share our needs with each other, not judge and pray for one another. It is easy to see the speck in our neighbor's eye and ignore the beam in our own. Luke 6:41

The Roman's Road/ He Lives!

Not only Easter but everyday we should recognize our need for Jesus Christ. A personal relationship can begin by following what is called "The Romans Road" It is the path a person takes to recognize we are sinners, accept God's redemption and believe on Jesus Christ.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God

Romans 5:12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. 13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

After confessing, believing and calling on the Lord we can begin a personal relationship. It will change your life. Through the Bible, God has spoken to me. In Worship, I have felt God's presence. In fellowship with other believers and attending church, I have felt my faith strenghtened. I urge anyone reading this to experience this life changing difference.

"I serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today; I know that He is living, whatever men may say; I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer And just the time I need Him He's always near. Refrain: He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know He lives?He lives within my heart."- hymn "He Lives"