I struggle with contentment. I've always had sort of a restlessness, looking for adventure in my life. Sometimes the mundane becomes more than I can bear. I can be very up one moment and down the next. However, sometimes I think I'd rather be this than be dull...
I don't want people around me to think that I am unhappy with them or my circumstances, example my marriage. But I do feel it in me to want to escape, to run away, to feel excitement.
I do get joy out of everyday things many, many times. I enjoy being with my husband, my family, friends, my dog. I enjoy my church, being around children, laughter, the outdoors, accomplishing things and creating things.
I have many things to look forward to right now, a new house, an upcoming wedding and graduation, my grandchildren and summer.
I do enjoy the summer. It's my brightest time of the year. Winter weighs so heavily on me with its cold, dank, long days where I can't get outside and the house becomes a prison to me.
At times I feel like I'm drowning in such a pit of despair that I can't seem to find any joy in anything.
I have the craziest thoughts when I sink into this spirit of selfishness. At these times I just pray God keeps me from acting on impulsiveness.
I am trying to learn to ignore the voices in my head. The chatterbox that tells me my life is not good enough, I'm not good enough, that I need more excitement or I need something new.
I need to listen to the voice of God that is telling me I am someone special, I do have purpose, I am His child, that my life is good!
I have a plan to seek God with all my heart and not allow the enemy steal my joy. Satan attacks me the most when he knows I'm trying to do what is right. However I have the Holy Spirit who is my advocate and defends me. John 14:26
There is only joy in pleasure for a season, I know. Seeking pleasure for contentment will never last. Seeking the kingdom of Heaven is what will last!
Ecclesiastics 2:1 Matthew 6:33
