Seeking Contentment

I struggle with contentment. I've always had sort of a restlessness, looking for adventure in my life. Sometimes the mundane becomes more than I can bear. I can be very up one moment and down the next. However, sometimes I think I'd rather be this than be dull...
I don't want people around me to think that I am unhappy with them or my circumstances, example my marriage. But I do feel it in me to want to escape, to run away, to feel excitement.
I do get joy out of everyday things many, many times.  I enjoy being with my husband, my family, friends, my dog. I enjoy my church, being around children,  laughter, the outdoors, accomplishing things and creating things.
I have many things to look forward to right now, a new house, an upcoming wedding and graduation, my grandchildren and summer.
I do enjoy the summer.  It's my brightest time of the year. Winter weighs so heavily on me with its cold, dank, long days where I can't get outside and the house becomes a prison to me.
At times I feel like I'm drowning in such a pit of despair that I can't seem to find any joy in anything.
I have the craziest thoughts when I sink into this spirit of selfishness.  At these times I just pray God keeps me from acting on impulsiveness. 
I am trying to learn to ignore the voices in my head. The chatterbox that tells me my life is not good enough, I'm not good enough, that I need more excitement or I need something new.
I need to listen to the voice of God that is telling me I am someone special, I do have purpose, I am His child, that my life is good!
I have a plan to seek God with all my heart and not allow the enemy steal my joy.  Satan attacks me the most when he knows I'm trying to do what is right.  However I have the Holy Spirit who is my advocate and defends me.  John 14:26
There is only joy in pleasure for a season, I know. Seeking pleasure for contentment will never last.  Seeking the kingdom of Heaven is what will last! 
Ecclesiastics 2:1 Matthew 6:33

Does God Hear My Prayers?

I wasn't very close to my in-laws for many years.  Partially because we didn't understand one another.  I could elaborate on all the misunderstandings but instead I'd like to fast forward to where God changed that.
In the year 2007, my mother-in-law got cancer and we watched her go through many hard things.  I didn't understand why God didn't heal her?  It was during this time, our relationship changed.  I ended up caring for her in ways I never expected to.  We became close and  Roger grew closer to her too.  We also grew closer to my father-in-law and were able to share God's love to him.
After Beverly passed away (it was a painful and at the time seemed like a long process) we became dad's only family.  He needed us.

We were trying to sell our house to move to the farm.  It wouldn't sell and we questioned why God didn't answer our prayer?  Two years later, Dad had open heart surgery and we found out his heart was very weak and damaged.  We had several times we thought something was wrong because he didn't answer his phone and drove frantically over to the house to either find him sleeping or just getting back from a DQ run.  Then last spring, Roger made that trip to find him dead from a massive heart attack.  Dad went how he always said he wanted to go, on his feet.  However, it was traumatizing for us.
Suddenly we had two houses and quickly decided to live on the farm.  Instead of going in debt for a new house, we are able to add on to the farm house.  We were getting to keep the family home and have our dream house.  Who would of seen that?
Our other house still wouldn't sell.  I didn't understand why God didn't let it sell?  We had these great renters, whom i just thought were meant to live there.  I even prayed for them as we packed up the house.  I prayed they would be blessed in the home we'd raised our family in.  People would look at our house but not put in offers.  Our renters didn't have the credit for a loan.  Then when we'd given up hope almost, our Realtor helped them establish credit and buy the house.  I'm happy that a family I knew got our house!
These are just a few examples of prayers that didn't seem to be answered but brought about something good.
We miss our parents.  Roger and I now have no living parents.  And even though it's a natural part of life to lose your parents, we lost 3 parents in 5 years, including my mom who lived 14 years with Alzheimer.  And I have to say it wasn't easy and it's still sad.  I just dreamed the other night of my mom dying and relived being with her as she struggled to breath her last.  And I know people who lose children and spouses must suffer more.  I haven't been in their shoes and can't imagine that pain.  I just know through our circumstances, God did bring good out of the bad.  I hope this is encouragement to anyone going through difficult times right now.

Mexico Mission Trip~ December 2013

Muzquiz, Mexico

 Muzquiz, Mexico is in the Northeast part of Mexico.

      Sometimes I think I took more away from the mission trip to Mexico than I left behind.  After all, I am filled with memories of new people I met, new things I got to experience, children's smiles, Pastor Juan's courage, etc.
     I was invited on this trip by Pam whose been my friend since the 5th grade. She and her husband, Dave are missionaries at a reservation in Haywood, WI.  They along with Christ the Rock (CTR) church from Appleton, WI had established a relationship with Pastor Juan Antonio in Muzquiz about 12 years ago.  The mission team from CTR has been returning there 1-2 times a year since then.
     We traveled to Muzquiz, Mexico by coach bus.  It was a total 32 hour trip.  There were 28 of us on this trip, which included; CTR mission team leader, Pastor Don Nickols, several youth from the mission house, two families, and my friend Nina (also a friend since 7th grade), Rita (Pam's friend from Reservation, our new friend) and I.

Myself, Pam and Nina 

Pam, Pastor Juan and wife Veronica holding a friend's baby and their daughter, Carla

     Pastor Juan, our contact there is battling the devastating effects of diabetes. In his sermon New Year's Eve he talked about how Satan had beat him up.  He showed his dialysis tube in his abdomen, pointed to his blind eyes, and showed his empty wallet.  Then he told how in Exodus 17:12, when Moses kept his hands up during battle they would win and when Moses' arms were tired he had his people hold them up.  Pastor Juan said he was continuing to raise his hands to worship God through his illness.  His family, his church, the mission team were helping him keep his hands raised.  I can't capture the emotion that went behind that sermon but it had me in tears.  Every time we were out ministering to the children in the districts, he would be there.  Even when you could see how tired he was from having dialysis through the night.  His wife, teenage son and daughter are by his side also struggling but still helping in the ministry.  They amazed me.  CTR raised some money to help him have a surgery that might help him regain some of his sight back.  Right now he only sees shadows.

     Everyday after breakfast and devotions we would go into two villages that are very poor and parents are often involved in drugs and prostitution. When went to a large playground area in each village.

District 28

Madeline, our Spanish interpreter, with Julie and Alex give a lesson

When we went to the villages for the first time and the children started coming out I was a little lost as to what to do? These children were eager for love, attention and to hear the word of God.  We started by playing with them, soccer, catch, jump rope, and hopscotch. The young people from Christ the Rock (CTR) mission house had a daily Vacation Bible Study (VBS) planned for them, which included a Bible lesson, songs and a craft to do and take home.

Lesson time, Alex mission student from Romania

     Since I couldn't speak but a few words of Spanish I just mostly watched that day.  As many as 150 children showed up at District 28 and about 75 at Infonevete.  Day two I found ways to contribute.  At first I just helped pick up garbage around the playground.  Then I got to do hair, crafts, jump rope and face painting.  I even got to do a mom's hair. They loved it when I'd take a picture with my cell phone and show them their picture.

little girl proud to have her hair done and picture taken

doing hair 

Nina and her new friend, Brandon

     Most kids showed up without parents.  Some of them carrying baby siblings on their hips or watching over a younger sibling.

Some of the first children to arrive

little shy boy who I almost made smile.

little boy holding the craft project (little lamb made of cotton balls)

Little girl of District 28 smiles for picture

     Since there was a prostitution compound a few blocks away, I wondered how many of these children where born from that. Or how many would be sucked into that life. But as a watched one little "tough" guy playing soccer, I thought, "this may be the kid God uses to do His work in this community.

This boy tried to act tough, but I know God can use him

     Because CTR has been coming there for 12 years, stories were told how kids grew up coming each year. One child saved all the crafts he ever made in a pile at home.  Another child singing a song he learned "I've got the peace of Jesus down in my heart" was overheard being told by another child "you don't have peace in your home, your parents are always fighting"  he replied "there is peace now, because my dad is gone"  Pastor Don and some of the other older men would reach out to the older boys that came and stood in the background.  Some of these boys as young as 14 were fathers already.
I watched the youth really care, love and reach out to these children.  The team boys and even Don would give piggy back rides until their backs hurt.  The team girls would bond with the little girls.

Pastor Don gives piggyback rides

Face painting and Allie with new friend

     I liked holding the babies or trying to make a shy child smile.  These young adults from the team even would reach out to us older ladies and ask how we were doing.  It was quite impressive how God's light shown through them.
Don brought as many children as would come to church services.  The youth put on skits that the children just loved!  And I enjoyed too!


     I was shocked when Pastor Don one morning after devotionals asked me to share my testimony that evening at Pastor Juan's church.  I said I'd do it even though I knew it was out of my comfort zone.  Then I asked why my testimony?  In short my testimony was that I served God from when I was a little girl but as a young adult when my life got hard (my divorce), I got mad at God, turned away from him and lived for pleasure.  Then one day God brought me back.  And He never gave up on me.  I guess the congregation there believe that if they mess up and are not perfect they are not Christians anymore. They leave the church discouraged. So I suppose the fact that I was and still am an imperfect Christian whom God loves is what my testimony offered.  Who would of thought I'd be giving my testimony in front of a Spanish speaking church in Mexico?  God can truly use anyone.  And as far as being nervous, God helped me with that too.  The girl interpreting for me was struggling a little and was more nervous than me.  And as I tried to simplify my testimony for her, I got less nervous and more concerned for her and making it simplistic (unlike my blogs that go on an on)!

With some of the team at Pastor Juan's church.  Christie, Rita, Pam, Angie, Savana, Nina and myself

     What else did I take away from this mission trip?  Well, I experienced the Mexican Culture and it was awesome. I got to celebrate New Years Eve there with food, bonfire, fireworks and a piñata for the kids!  My friends and I cooked over an outside stove with the sweetest Mexican lady,Pastor Juan's mother, whom I communicated fairly well with, using my few Spanish words and some hand gestures.  I experienced authentic Mexican food; tacos, pig stomach soup (bleh) and some amazing tamales.

sometimes we had to ride whatever way was available

The church bus that is suppose to hold 12 often held at least 28 of us

Pam with a plate of tacos from one of our taco runs

Pastor Juan's mother who made the pig stomach soup

Me and my friends made some chicken noodle soup for New Years Eve 

 
     We went into the city Morales to see a family there that Pastor Don and Pam knew and had ministered to before.  It was a long drive on some empty' bumpy dirt roads after dark.  Truthfully a little dangerous too. When we arrived at the home the family got up from eating dinner and insisted we all sit and gave us coffee and tamales.  The granddaughter from Texas did some interpreting for us and told how much the team had meant to their mother who had died.  They grieved her recent passing by telling of what a loving, kind Christian woman she was. But they also told about their 95 year old grandmother who had moved to Texas, had gotten an e-tablet and was looking for a boyfriend on Facebook.  It was a time of sharing both sadness and laughter.

Family in Morales we visited.

   
     Many people, including my husband had worried about the safety in Mexico.  And while we were there 2 policemen were shot only blocks from where we had ate tacos.  However, I didn't worry too much about these things.  I believed that God would take care of me and the team and He did.  We had many prayers too. I feel bad about the violence and murder, the prostitution and drugs.  It's all very sad.  They need hope that exceeds this world and they need forgiveness.  The children need to know someone cares.
What can we say, what can we do...just plant a seed and allow God to do with it what He will.