(Our family at Jess and Casey's Christmas time)
So once upon a time I went through a divorce that reshaped my life. Not a divorce by choice, definately not wanting to tear my kids apart between parents. And so it went, since we couldn't stay together we became a split family. This seemed very difficult at first. I had to share my kids with another mom and give them up on weekends and on certain holidays. But one day it seemed okay, they had twice as much love, twice as much celebrating and all seemed well. Their father and step-mom and I all got along, after the hurt went away. I met their step-father and we all bonded. Wow, weren't we all mature? We then added to our families. The kids got new half-brothers on both sides. They loved and cared for them. It was so sweet!
Now...I find out one child was unhappy cause they was seperated from their school friends during the weekends away @ dads and didn't have many friends. Also maybe the kids felt replaced by the new siblings? They didn't get to live with both parents like their new siblings did. They felt resentment toward a step parent for trying to discipline and many times there was no room for error on the step-parents part.
Then came holidays...suddenly too many places to go as each child moved out on their own. And the child left at home was an only sibling, or so it felt. This is where I related. Even without divorce in my family, I basically grew up alone. My parents overcompensated with me because of that so I was spoiled? My siblings were close with one another, but I felt out of the loop. The age difference put us on different paths.
I want for my children to all be close. If anything were to happen to me, I'd want them to visit their step-dad and call & hang out with their brother. I feel so disfunctional. I know that no family is perfect. I know that there are worse family dynamics. I am thankful for my family. For their health and welfare. I am proud of each one of them independantly. I just don't know how to bring us all together like a real family? We have our family dinners, as it fits into everyones schedule, if it does. Once all the other parents and grandparents devy up the offspring we occassionally get to all come together. No Waltons here, it's a different world for sure.
Now...I find out one child was unhappy cause they was seperated from their school friends during the weekends away @ dads and didn't have many friends. Also maybe the kids felt replaced by the new siblings? They didn't get to live with both parents like their new siblings did. They felt resentment toward a step parent for trying to discipline and many times there was no room for error on the step-parents part.
Then came holidays...suddenly too many places to go as each child moved out on their own. And the child left at home was an only sibling, or so it felt. This is where I related. Even without divorce in my family, I basically grew up alone. My parents overcompensated with me because of that so I was spoiled? My siblings were close with one another, but I felt out of the loop. The age difference put us on different paths.
I want for my children to all be close. If anything were to happen to me, I'd want them to visit their step-dad and call & hang out with their brother. I feel so disfunctional. I know that no family is perfect. I know that there are worse family dynamics. I am thankful for my family. For their health and welfare. I am proud of each one of them independantly. I just don't know how to bring us all together like a real family? We have our family dinners, as it fits into everyones schedule, if it does. Once all the other parents and grandparents devy up the offspring we occassionally get to all come together. No Waltons here, it's a different world for sure.
