In Memory of Mom (Beverly)

Mom passed away on Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 6:30 CST. We are unsure why she hung onto life those prior 6 days or why God didn't take her. We questioned whether there might be one more person she needed to see or hear from. Knowing her love for her mom, Eleanore we called her. Grandma told mom of her love for her. A nurse, Billie at Parkview had asked me during mom's stuggle if Roger and I ever prayed together. Even though not as often as we should, I said yes. After several days of mom struggling to thrive, I finally suggested to Roger that we pray over mom together. We closed the curtain around her bed and each said a prayer standing over her with hands laid on her. We prayed that God would end her suffering and she'd be in his loving arms. Beverly loved hugs and the day her cancer doctor told her she would not get better she clung to his arm. I picture her in heaven, clinging to Jesus. And He won't be too busy to let her cling to Him. I wanted to give a eulogy in memory of Beverly at her funeral. But because of our differences in faith, dad (Jim) did not want anyone to speak but his "brother" from the Jehovah Witness Hall. So without the music like hymns to move me, the reminensing or the promise of Heaven I was not able to express my grief as I would like. Even though the speaker did give me credit for becoming like a daughter to Beverly, not until I kissed her forehead goodbye one final time did I finally shed the tears I needed. Then at home listening to worship music by Jeremy Camp I released many tears at our sorrow of not seeing her again on this Earth. There were many people I wanted to thank at the funeral and had included this in my eulogy. So I will post it here in remembrance of a wonderful lady.

Her hugs, her laughter, her sweet smile, her determination to not allow the cancer to get her spirits down, her positive attitude kept her strong, I believe for so long.Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit
"Cancer is so limited.It cannot cripple love.It cannot shatter hope.It cannot corrode faith.It cannot destroy peace.Cancer cannot kill friendship.It cannot suppress memories.It cannot silence courage.It cannot invade the soul.It cannot steal eternal life.And it cannot conquer the spirit."It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren

God worked in all our lives over this last difficult year. I gained closeness with mom I never had. Roger felt freer to express his love to both his parents. As an only child Roger had an incredible place in his mother’s heart. With no siblings to share his sorrow he often turned focus to his dad and helping him.

Mom and Dad spent 41 years of marriage together. It moved me to see her and Jim holding hands or Jim laying a gentle kiss on her check or rubbing her cheek or arm with his hand.
Mom loved to spend time with Erik. He grew up sitting between grandpa and grandma in their GMC traveling many times to go eat at their favorite places or to visit their many friends. He never was able to leave her house without giving Grandma a hug!
Beverly had many friends. Many of which stuck close by her at the end…
Rosie and John of who they shared 42 years of friendship.
Others like Myra who came to visit or bring food, clean, or play cards with mom.
Family that visited, some from far away like her brother Larry and family.
Beverly’s mother, Eleanore who traveled from Massachusetts to spend some very special times with her this summer.
Her brother Sid and wife Mary who always brought a smile and laugh when they came.
I’ve never witness such an outpouring of love and kindness as I did these final days of mom’s life. The nurses and staff at Parkview Haven and Southern Care Hospice showed so much love and compassion to mom and our family.1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you dear friends and loved ones!


Mom we will never forget your precious smile, your loving hugs, your laughter… Til we meet again. Goodbye Mom

Love, Lorie

Vigal and God's comforting

Death vigal-Definition: Family members or friends who gather around the bedside to watch over the person at the end of life until the death occurs.
We have been spending time with Beverly over the last couple of days because the nurses told us her condition was worsening and she was showing signs of dying. We got many different answers to how long she had. The one that most stood in my mind was Sandy, a nurse of many years that said "If this were my mom, I'd want to be here" and "I've seen many deaths and she has that look" Her blood pressure dropped dramatically over night. Her blood oxygen levels decreased significantly. She stopped taking in any fluids. Her temp. raised greatly. Her eyes were glazed and she was almost non-responsive. That was Thursday am. We rushed to her side. We spoke our goodbyes, we cried, we prayed, we released her, and we were prepared...The only time she would awake was when the nurses would move her because of her bedsore. The pain would cause her to moan and open her eyes. We'd try to get her to focus on us but were unsure she even saw us. Were left at 9pm as her vitals stayed the same and she was resting peacefully. We told the nurses that we had said our goodbyes and asked them to let us know if she became distressed or passed away. We slept unawakened by the pending phone call. This morning we called and they told us she was the same as the night before. We took care of some business and an hour later arrived at Parkview to see mom. Her vitals had improved and her temp. dropped over the last hour her nurse said. We walked into her room to see her wide eyed. She smiled at us today, tried to communicate, ate some ice cream and applesauce and took in liquids, and even laughed at us some. She nodded yes to direct questions. We marveled at the change and we thanked God for the opportunity to see her smile again and watch dad feed her icecream. She didn't seem in pain and told us she didn't have any pain. It was very frustrating to try and figure out what she wanted to tell us sometimes. We assured her that we knew that she loved us and tried to ease any worries she had. We left again this evening with instructions to the nurses to please call if there were any changes. We are emotionally spent. Roger's dad ate dinner with us. We tried to share with him about relationship with Jesus that could help him through this. He is very indoctrinated that he is not open to any other beliefs or faiths beside his own. He does not have an assurance of salvation, only a hope that he and Beverly "have been good enough" It's a sad situation but I believe God will reach through that shell and reach his heart. We can't serve God with our heads it has to be with our hearts. The Jehovah Witnesses serve with their works. They don't trust the Bible on it's own, they trust their "Watch Tower and Bible and Tract Society" They believe all other religions are false. We couldn't get past the things that have been pounded in his head for at least 42 years. I know God can reach into his heart and I hope he truly finds a personal Jesus in all of this. The Christian faith is the only faith that has a God who is personal to us, loves us, forgives us, has mercy and grace on us. In the midst of an imperfect world we often question God. I have often questioned God but I've also seen some good expressions of his love in my life. For example the road we've taken over the last year. One year from tomarrow, October 11, 2007 was the date we saw a double rainbow while going to her first appt. with the cancer doctor. I called it "Beverly's Rainbow" A sign I beleived was a promise from God to take care of her. see http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/11/beverlys-rainbow.html She wasn't healed as I had anticipated but she lived a year of many ups and downs. Some of which brought her closer to her family, helped her feel loved and appreciated, a year she went thru with little to no pain 'til just lately, one where she got stronger then weaker and felt the love of many people. Now of which will end with a new beginning, in a new body, "Where there shall be no more tears, or suffering" I am thankful for a merciful God who can speak to our hearts even during death as Jesus spoke to the theif on the cross when He said "Today you shall be with me in Paradise"
Another miracle that happen this week is in the midst of Roger losing his mom was when my demented mom says to Roger. "Hey, do you know who you are?" Roger asked, "who?" and mom replied, "you are my son!" It made Roger feel so good. It reminded me of Jesus on the cross, seeing his mother suffer from losing her son He said to Mary, "Woman, behold your son" of John and to John he said "Behold your mother" How God used my mom to comfort Roger in the loss of his mother is a sign to us that God cares about us! He may not take away the suffering and pain in this world but He promises to "never leave us or forsake us"

What to expect when your love one is dying

I have been on the Internet today trying to find out what to expect with Beverly as she nears the end. I found good information at http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html. We've spent several hours with her over the last 4 days. Yesterday was especially hard cause she is having a hard time swallowing and had not ate or drank anything for the nurses. We offered to help her and they let us. Roger wanted me to try as I did the day before. I tried to get her to take sips of broth, and pop but could not tell if she really wanted them. I felt like I was forcing her. Her eyes would tear up and I just couldn't do it anymore, so Roger tried again. We had sat the head of the bed up which made her uncomfortable I could tell. I told Roger to put it back down again and let her rest comfortably. When we first came into the room and we waked her she said "Well, well, well." Sunday evening it took all she could do to say to us "Thank you for coming" It is heart wrenching. I've told Roger we need to let the nurses and hospice do their job and we just come and let her know we are there. Read to her, talk to her, soothe her (Rog rubs her head) but not try to force her to eat or drink. I also confirmed this when I read the info on the hospice site.

Dad cried on the way there. Rog touched his shoulder assuring him we are here for him. He keeps saying it's a natural part of life and he'll be fine. He says he doesn't like to see her suffer. She does have pain when she is moved and they've now placed a cathedar in. She has a bedsore that probably won't completely heal but they will treat. Her body is frail, her arms just skin and bone, her eyes hopelessly sad and glazed over. Hospice is good and the nursing home staff are excellent. I don't know how people manage at home with their loved ones during these last stages. I am glad for the time we had Beverly at home and she could sit up and interact with us still. Now I just want her to be comfortable. They will start a new pain med. Roxenal which she won't have to swallow since that is getting very hard.

My neighbor kept her mom home til she died. She said she wishes now she'd let her go to the nursing home. Some of the family wanted her alert, other's (my neighbor, her primary caregiver) wanted her pain free. There was conflict in the family. I think it'd be nice to have more family around us but since Rog is an only sibling there is just us. We do appreciate extended family, friends and the church that has called and offered their help. I am a little ticked about those who haven't called. I guess as I've said before you don't realize how important a card, an e-mail, a call can be until you've been thru this yourself. I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive those who find excuses not to help. I really need help with this! I have a few friends that are dealing with aging parents and illness. I hope I can be of some comfort to them because of my experiences. Kev called last night, he didn't ask how I was but I poured my heart out to him anyway. That's what we need...someone to just listen...and pray...and care.

On a positive note. Beverly's color is still good, she still will smile at us, she knows we are there. And my mom is awesome! I told her I was sorry I was neglecting her but Beverly needed me more and she was so understanding. I will take her to the dentist this Thursday...I hope it goes well, she has a broken tooth. I think God made mom a little better while we are going thru this with Beverly.

Camdyn turned 2 and Jess and Casey had a birthday party for him. He loved all his "cars" stuff and toys but threw his clothes!

Sustaining...

I don't know how to begin. I guess to say that a strength greater than me has been sustaining me these days. I typically wouldn't see myself as a caregiver. But because of my love for Roger and my love and sympathy for Roger's mom (and dad), I've taken off work to care for Beverly in our home til she can go into Parkview once again. Jim was not able to care for Beverly properly anymore so I had to learn the ins and outs of caring for a hospice patient. Regardless of what people may believe, Hospice is only a support group for the family. The nurse comes once a week and the aid twice for baths. The family are the caregivers. And since Rog is the only sibling, that leaves us with sole responsibility. I've talked with lots of others in this situation. It is amazing the roles children can take on for their parents. Becoming the caregiver, lossing sleep, helping manage finaces, being comforters, all while grieving the nearing dismise of their loved one (which you never truly know when) Once when Beverly actually slept thru the entire night I checked in on her and she seemed to be asleep. So I started imagining the worse. Then I heard her bell ring. An often dreaded but blissful sound this time. We are not ready. There is always one more moment we want to share. However, when her stronger (now) pain comes or her disturbing vomiting comes you want her to go; to go to sleep and wake up with the Lord. Roger has been so grateful for my help. He has struggled as he sat with her and had her repeat to him how much she loves him. He has struggled when his dad broke down in tears and Rog held him in his arms. Jim and Beverly have been together 41 years together tomarrow, Sept 23. I am moved when I see Jim holding Beverly's hand as she sits in her wheelchair next to him on our couch. Or when they kiss goodnight as Jim goes to an empty house without his life partner. He sleeps best at home but comes over to visit and eat. He says he hates to eat alone.
I am not sure how long I can do this. I want life back to normal. I am feeling selfish but at the same time I am feeling sustained and blessed. I do think that if I have to continue I won't hold it together. It's only been a short time but feels so long. I miss my grandbaby and the time I spent with him. I miss alone time with Rog and Erik. I want to go see Kev's new apartment at college. I want to go to a movie with a friend. I want to be selfish!!! I don't want to get up in the middle of the night or clean anymore bottoms. I don't want to smell the stinch of urine and waste or see the sight of vomit, wiping strings of spit away. I do want to play a game of cards with her and see her smile as Rog helps her win. I do want to share their anniversary cake with her and Jim and take their picture holding one another. I do want to keep receiving her hugs. I do want Rog to enjoy as many good moments as he can with her. I do want Erik to recognize the importance of taking care of someone, of family. I appreciate the friends and church who have called with concern and sent food or offered help. No one knows what it means until they experience it!!!

The Greatest Generation

"You're in the 'middle ages' - sandwiched between the 'greatest generation' and the 'gimme' generations" from Family Squeeze by Phil Callaway
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.

"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel

"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)

The Flying Elastic

The doctors now tell us that Beverly's cancer is untreatable and she is in a nursing home because of the weakening of her bones and the danger of her falling and breaking her very fragile hip. When she is ready to come home we've made arrangements to have Hospice come help Jim and us learn to take care of her. We did not get to take her to Boston to see her mom. We canceled our trip and are hoping Roger's uncle can bring grandma here for a visit. We've been told Beverly could deteriorate rapidly. We don't know what to expect? She is in good spirits and looks good. She has little or no pain, still! If a positive attitude could keep her alive she'd live forever!
For each crisis/period in my life I get a book. While raising a teen, when Jess moved out, when Kev went to college, thru marriage difficulties, now when taking care of an ill parent (again) The book called "Family Sqeeze" by Phil Callaway is "Tales of hope and hilarity for a sandwiched generation" A sandwiched generation being a generation taking care of children at home still and aging or sick parents. His take on life is to look for the blessings in all situations. It truly can be a daunting task. How much of a blessing can it be to have a mom dying of cancer? However as a friend stated "We should feel lucky to have this time before she dies to tell (or show) her our love" This is what we are doing and it does feel good. It feels good to make her smile or laugh. Today Beverly was using her rubber elastic tied to the side of her bed to do her therapy. Stretching it across her body like putting on a seat belt. Roger was sitting next to the bed and Erik and I prompted her to let go of the elastic. ZAP! It flew past Roger's head! We laughed so hard that Erik's gum fell out of his mouth. I've certainly grown close to Beverly and Jim too. Something that hadn't happened until now. Roger has also bonded with his dad thru this all, helping him with all the difficult decisions and financial woes. We have went thru some discouraging news this year. It has really tested my faith. So I do ask "Why God?" but I also know that I don't see things the way God does. I can't see the BIG picture. I think God understands our questionings. I think we can be honest with Him. Can we grow thru trials? Maybe, we'll see... So much uncertainty lies ahead.

My Constants, "Love, Hope and Faith"

If you are a fan of the TV series "Lost" then you saw last weeks episode where Desmond needed to find a constant in his past life and his present life to keep from dying. His constant was his girlfriend Penny. It was quite a moving episode. This week started out pretty dreary with the weather, cloudy, cold and rainy. I went to work Monday feeling like the mouse in the wheel. I don't always want to do another day. Basically, life is pretty dull. We go to work, we work at home, we struggle to pay our bills, and we go to sleep and start over. Yes, occasionally we have something to look forward to, a vacation, a move, a tax return, a day off work with no obligations. But mostly life is a grind. But how often do we think that we'd have it better if we had a different job, more money, a different spouse (NOT ME OF COURSE), more manageable kids, a bigger house, a maid, a fitness trainer, etc... However, I did find that my "Constants" in life make it more bearable and worth living. Some of my constants are routines. Reading a devotion with Erik before school, listening to my new voicemail from Rog that he left on his way to work, coming home from work on lunch to eat and watch TV, making supper and relaxing on the couch, going to church on Sunday and taking a day off of housework. Roger is my constant. I know I can call him or talk to him about anything that frustrates me, anything that makes me laugh, anything that makes me cry, etc. His love is a constant! Then when I need to complain about Roger I call Traci! (Not very often though:) My faith is a constant, I know that even when I don't feel it I know it is still there. Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hope is a constant. Recently we had some of our hopes crushed. The land we were given by Roger's parents to build on was not buildable. The septic was not approved because the water table was too high. We wasted about $1200 finding that out. Our bigger tax check was wasted! So we thought we had free land, we thought we had extra money to find out we had neither! But I still believe (Have hope) that there is a reason to all this. One reason could be that we are not suppose to move or we are suppose to move somewhere else beside next to Rog's parents! I have hope that something better will happen. Maybe we'll have more land but a smaller house. Maybe we'll stay where we are and get out of debt. Maybe we'll move to Tennesee! It is hard not to have control of our lives but God is in control and I must trust Him. No matter how glum it looks sometimes. Part of having hope is remembering how something that didn't seem good at the time turned out to be for our better. If we remember those times we can have hope that God is in charge and we can trust that all things will work out for the best, somehow.

Giving

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
THE POOR AND LONELY AND SAD,
The more of you heart's possessing
Returns to you glad.

-John Greenleaf Whittier

I am overwhelmed by the gifts I hear people are buying at Christmas. I feel obligated to keep up with the Jones'. I worry that Erik will return to school and upon comparing Christmas gifts with the other kids he will feel shorted. But I refuse to give into this material pressure. It is not the gifts that will make him happy. But the time spent with his family. As I watched him pogo around the cabin we rented for Roger's birthday or as he and Roger play the video game Erik bought him we are creating a memory that the toy itself cannot compare with. Toys, and things get discarded, we get bored with them. If we could just give a little more to the poor, lonely and sad and a little less to ourselves I believed we'd receive more joy. I have a family that is blessed with all their needs and then some. I know there are so many without. There are so many I wish I could just share with. Still I cannot fix the world's problems: the hunger, the abuse, the sad, the lonely, or even global warming. But I can try and make a difference in small ways. In the end it is God who is in control and no matter how much man tries to fix things we can't. We all play just a small part in this great big world.

Luke 14:12 Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

It is fun to give to our loved ones, especially little children whose faces light up when they open a present. It is great to show our love through thoughtful gifts. I enjoy preparing a special meal for friends and family. I think there is so much pressure sometimes with the buying, the preparing, and it is harder and harder to find the perfect gift. I think the perfect gift I could get from my children would be a letter each year from each of them that tells me of the happy memories from that year, or what they appreciate and are thankful for. I wish I'd thought of it sooner so I could of started sending one to my mom each year. Only a mom could appreciate a gift like that. Or maybe we all could???

Beverly's Rainbow

The morning we took Beverly to the Cancer Clinic for the first time, we spotted a full rainbow. We felt it was a good sign. In Genenis 9 God gave Noah his rainbow as a sign he'd never destroy the Earth again with a flood. Genenis 9:12 "And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth."
But that day we heard bad news, Beverly probably had cancer. If anyone could of taken that news well it was Beverly. I felt part of it was that she was not grasping it fully. The next week the biopsy showed cancer "An Unknown Primary" -adenocarcinoma. Still the doctor was stumped about her bones. The pet scan showed a lot of holes in her bones which he said "looked like" cancer. But why no pain?? So he did more tests and another bone scan. Everytime a test would come back "no cancer here" (Breasts, Upper GI) Beverly would say "Good news, I don't have cancer here or there." So this week Rog and I talked among ourselves of prognosis (Everyone said how bad, painful cancer of the bones would be) Roger had a funeral in the back of his mind. I said all along that I didn't think she had cancer in her bones but the scan pointed to it. We prayed, we had others praying. I said "Rog, wouldn't it be a miracle if the oncologist looked at the bone scan and said "I don't see any holes. I don't think she has cancer of the bones" But still I doubted. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed"... We heard in church Sunday. I didn't have a lot of faith. Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Tuesday Rog, Jim, Beverly and I went to see the oncologist because the nurse suggested "the family be with" When we went in "ever positive" Beverly told Dr. Bruetman, "I hope you have good news for me" He said, "That depends on what you consider good news." And Praise God, Dr. Breutman did look at the bone scan and said he only saw one very small hole on the rib cage and none on the spine and he wasn't concerned anymore about bone cancer!!! A miracle. He did say she still had cancer in her body, most likely in the abdomen area (uterine, ovaries or stomach lining) but chemo is usually effective. She starts chemo next Friday. She may lose her hair he said. She probably wouldn't get too sick. The treatment will be 4 hours, once every 3 weeks. Also the ocupational therapist said Beverly would always need therapy for her swollen leg. She said the lymph node would never work the same again. Dr. Bruetman said he has seen the lymph nodes go down in size after chemo and function properly and her swelling should go down in her leg! We still have a long rode ahead. But Roger has said he can stop worrying about planning a funeral. And thanks to all this we have grown closer to his parents. We have a deeper bond and are trying to minister God's love to them. But we see God working in all our lifes.
Speaking of letting God work in our lives I've been trying to tell Kevin and his girlfriend that we can't always work things out ourselves. We have to let things happen the way God planned them. Sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes things don't make sense. But God has a plan and we have to let him work. I still am a chronic worrier. I still try to make things happen myself. But throughout my life I've seen God working "all things" for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose."

Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit

"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
Cancer cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
And it cannot conquer the spirit."
It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren

Emptying Nest

"One more piece of advice...one more hug...one more... Be prepared that one of the hardest things you will experience in life is...the first time you walk away from your child's dorm room or apartment leaving him or her behind."*
This last Friday I drove with Kev to college helping him move...one last thing I could do for him. Kev's roommate's mother clung to her son's neck not wanting to let go, her son saying, "Okay mom, goodbye." Then she said she cried when they drove away and he refused to look her way. Another mother told me that after her and her husband left her son at college then went to eat at Wendy's. They ate in silence as the songs playing in the restaurant were slow and sad. They both looked up at the same time meeting each other's tear filled eyes. I have not been a total wreck. I have not cried much. I've already had some adjustment as Kev lived with his sister this summer while he worked. But I look outside and see his car parked (it was gone most the summer unless he was home) and my heart sinks 'cause I know he's not home.
"Mourn the loss of a daily relationship with your child"*
I've called Kev twice since Friday and had nice talks with him but then I asked him to call me about his 1st day of class. No call yet- day 2... I don't want to bug him.
"Your job is done. It's their turn."*
I shopped for a month getting things Kev might need for his apartment. Eagerly anticipating helping him get his new apartment set up, I was part of the experience. Then I drove away and I was done parenting on a daily basis. We never stop wanting to help our children. Like telling him, " Make sure you disinfect the counter after you have meat on it." Or "Make sure the gas is off on your stove." Or "Please, please be careful riding your bike in traffic to class."
I've experienced this before with Jessica. I've yet to experience it with Erik, now 11. Erik went to middle school this year and I had difficulty dealing with that transition! The first day Erik went to Jr. High our cartoon came on TV that we watched this summer during lunch and I cried. I wondered how few years are left of his childhood... cartoons, stuffed animals, hanging with mom and dad??
I've been very moved to pray not only for my kids but for others' kids. I started making a list...but it's mostly as someone comes to mind. I hope there are others praying for my kids too!
"As parents, we play the role of reader and hardly ever pen the script..."I wrote the script and my kids don't follow it."** I just am hoping that they will discover in time as I did "If you chase after pleasure, you eventually will come to the same conclusion as King Solomon: "I said to myself, 'Come on, let's try pleasure. Let's look for the "good things" in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. What good does it do to seek pleasure?' " (Ecclesiastes 2:1–2)***
"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
— Psalm 16:11
*"When You're Facing the Empty Nest" by Mary Ann Froehlich
**"A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray
***From Greg Laurie's daily devotion August 20, 2007 http://www.harvest.org/

KEV CALLED!!!

Cas Haley or UB40?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNLWn6WLxp0

http://www.muvids.com/ub40_videos/i_cant_help_falling_in_love.html

which version of Elvis' original "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You?"
I can't decide??? I think maybe UB40 but Cas Haley has my vote on "America's Got Talent" NBC Tuesday. Check him out!
I love his reggae style.

Creation Museum

We went to a new museum on our vacation. It is The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. It combines the Biblical account of creation and science. Most museums use science to tell you how old dinasaurs were, how man came into existance, etc. One of things I liked about the dinosaur exhibit was that it shows you fosils and asks you to draw your own conclusions. Such as if a dinasaur had sharp teeth what would you perceive about it? That it is a meat-eater? Well, that would be a conclusion based on many of the animal species. However, the Koala bear, a vegetarian has sharp teeth to tear into the bamboo that they eat. Interesting...

What is science? It is man taking a little of what he does know (facts) and combining it with his own bias. How often does science disproves itself? One moment scientist theories say they know something then they find out otherwise. I've never had much faith in science. I trust that we are a result of intelligent design.

Some questions to ask? Did man and dinosaur live together? How about the Indian cave drawings showing man and dinosaur together. Are dinosaur bones really millions of year old? What about the T-rex bone that was found with red blood cells still intact?

The museum has very interesting exhibits. Some are replicals of dinosaurs, Deplictions of Noah's arc with one 3 story room exhibiting 1% of the actual size of the ark, and wax exhibits of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. The outside botonical gardens were beautiful with exquisite pond lillies, waterfalls, dinasaur carved subery, swinging bridges, gazebos and lush greenery.

** For more information on the creation museum go to http://www.answersingenesis.org/

***Due to some unexplainable problem with blogger I am no longer able to post pics:(

My Struggle

I looked the devil in the eye and let him in.
At first the emotions seemed exciting...breathless
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I turned to the right and then to the left,
Behind me a voice called,
"This is the way; walk in it" (Isaiah 30:21)
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I ignored the voice.
My selfishness was greater,
The excitement became an insatiable feeling.
It gripped at my life not letting go.
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I chose not to listen.
The excitement turned to confusion
This felt greater than myself
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
I was in a dark cloud
I had grieved the Holy Spirit
I was seperated from God
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
As dominos my faith kept falling
One selfish behavior gave way to another
Where was my way out?
My spirit struggled
I heard a whispering...
The excitement had turned to a tearing heartache
Only then did I see God...
Always there, whispering...
the word of God spoke to my hurting soul
"Put on the whole armor of God to withstand" (Ephesians 6:11-13)
Withstand and be proud of my choices
Don't let my emotions rule me
Know I am fighting the good fight.
My spirit was lifted
I listened to the whispering...


"If you want to change, if you want to break free from a vice that has you in its grip, a lifestyle you are trapped in, or an addiction that you can't seem to shake, then Christ has a word of encouragement to you: 'Get up and walk. You can do it. Be of good cheer, and arise.'(Mark 2:1-5)

I love this guy! Happy 13th anniversary!

This guy is the love of my life. I know exactly how lucky I am. I can love him intensely one minute and totally be maddened by him the next. We are both very opinionated people and we both think we are right most of the time. I wouldn't want someone who thinks just like me but on most issues we do agree. We've both changed a lot since we met, but we've grown together. I am surprised at how our values have changed over the years. I know that time, experience and mistakes have helped with that. But I also believe that "God works all things together for good to them that are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Rog has supported me in every difficult time. It is true that I don't always feel in love as I do at this moment but I know that in commitment our strength lies! I can believe he will always stand beside me because he has proven it. I don't question his commitment 'cause he has proven it. I know that in good and bad he will hold my hand. I know that when I am moody, sick, ugly, or just plain crazy, he will still love me. We usually love because of how someone makes us feel about ourselves. It's really pretty selfish. When life gets busy or we forget to pay attention to each other our spouses get neglected. I don't want to neglect the best thing that has happened to me. I want to honor him with my love and respect. I want to keep earning his trust, sharing his good and bad times, growing, dreaming and living together as long as we both shall live. This Monday will be our 13th anniversary! We plan on celebrating tomorrow night by going to Indiana Beach. We had a blast on our 10th there, even though it rained. I hope we'll have our grand baby on Sat. am and Sunday and Monday Rog, me and Boog are going with Matt and Traci and kids 4-wheeling at Haspin Acres. Pictures to come! Rog got me a new camcorder to record our new grand baby. Camdyn is army crawling now, it's so cute! Life would not be the same without Rog to share it. When all the kids are gone (and they're going fast) I know we will have each other. We have dreams, we have history, we have children, we have passion, we have friendship. We agree to disagree sometimes but ultimately accept each other. No one is a perfect fit but Rog is my best fit.

Hold the Sun-Dried Tomatoes

I tried to dress up my shrimp Alfredo by adding sun-dried tomatoes. I love them in recipes at restaurants! Notice the nice color it adds with the broccoli:) I was so proud that I took a pic! Then my family sat down to eat...Roger said "Eww, I don't like these." picking out the sun-dried tomatoes. Erik tried one and made a face. So they piled all theirs on my plate. And being my first experience cooking with sun-dried tomatoes, I had added too many to start. So half into mine, I got a little overwhelmed with them! But still I have to say it was a good combination and I would recommend it to others. So...Here's my recipe. It is quick and easy for harried moms and dads. Try it if you like.

Shrimp Alfredo with Broccoli and Sun-dried Tomatoes

Ingredients
1 Bag frozen cooked, peeled and cleaned large shrimp (about 40) Thaw and remove tails if on.
1 jar of Alfredo sauce
1/2 lb of whole-wheat pasta
8oz frozen chopped broccoli
1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes chopped (revised!)
coarsely ground pepper
Grated Parmesan

Cook pasta according to package directions. In skillet add Alfredo sauce, frozen broccoli, chopped tomatoes, shrimp and pepper to taste and heat. Drain pasta and top with Alfredo sauce. Sprinkle with grated Parmesan.
Serves 6
Calories: too many!

The Guy and Girl I Love!

These two... What can I say. I adore them. It was only yesterday that I took this Halloween picture outside our trailor. I was a single mom. They were the glue that kept me together. Now look at my two grown children. So wonderful. I miss the toddlers that absolutely drove me crazy when I took them somewhere. How to you keep up with two little adventurers? I miss the preschoolers that were excited about everything. I miss the grade schoolers, that were so funny and playful. I miss the Jr. Highers that were trying so hard to grow up. I miss the teenagers that tried my patience and sometimes broke my heart with their struggle for independance. Jess is only 30 miles away but it seems too far. Kev is soon to go to Purdue. I am excited for him but I am feeling a sweet sadness. Seperation is good. Seperation is needed too sometimes. We will learn how much we all miss each other! Erik and I went with Kev to Day on Campus at Purdue. Purdue was like a little city. I imagined what it'd be like to be 18 again and on this kind of adventure. An adventure, I hope that will lead to a degree and a great job! I love these guys. I hope they remain close. I hope they can count on each other and their family to be their biggest supporters! I know I am one of their biggest supporters!

The Sacrifice

*the following is written by a friend

I have always had strong feelings of support for our troops but on Memorial Day those feelings run deep and strong. When our two Sons where growing up we would take them up to the Memorial Day Service at our Court House to watch their Grandfather shoot one of the guns before they played Taps. We would explain to them how soldiers fought and died so that we could be free and safe. In our town some people have forgotten that Sacrifice that was made for them. They staged a peace demonstration. I believe there is a time and a place for everything but this was not the time or the place. They have forgotten it took someone fighting and dying so that they could have the freedom of speech. Those who never had to sacrifice can never appreciate the cost. Freedom has always come with a price. Our son Levi is a Marine. He will be leaving for boot camp in March. Levi has always wanted to be a Marine. We are proud of his decision and will support him and the rest of the Troops. In these times of war and terrorism we feel the full impact of his decision. Levi feels the same as we do. We support our President in believing if you don't stop them over there they will be over here. My husband Kelly and I will be feeling and living the Sacrifice of not seeing our son for long periods of time and not knowing if he is safe or not. Levi is willing to fight and serve his Country. Levi knows the Sacrifice. We know the Sacrifice. Do you appreciate the Sacrifice? Ginger Reames

Proud Mother of a Marine

I am so proud to post this piece by my friend Ginger. I asked her to write about this because I knew her passion. I have questioned our involvement in Iraq but believe that we are standing against terrorism. I fully support our troops and President Bush's stand to stay firm. I know that he and his advisers know more than I do. I simply stand by our troops regardless of any controversy. Thank you, Ginger! Well said! I appreciate the Sacrifice. Let's pray for our soldiers. Thank you, Levi!

Getting off my soapbox

Can you still love others and disagree with them? YES! I just need to be more compassionate and look beyond the surface. When I don't agree with someone, I need to know that I am often wrong too. I am not the perfect parent, the perfect christian, the perfect partner, the perfect family member, or the perfect friend. Life is about relationship. We need to learn to share our needs with each other, not judge and pray for one another. It is easy to see the speck in our neighbor's eye and ignore the beam in our own. Luke 6:41

The Roman's Road/ He Lives!

Not only Easter but everyday we should recognize our need for Jesus Christ. A personal relationship can begin by following what is called "The Romans Road" It is the path a person takes to recognize we are sinners, accept God's redemption and believe on Jesus Christ.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God

Romans 5:12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. 13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

After confessing, believing and calling on the Lord we can begin a personal relationship. It will change your life. Through the Bible, God has spoken to me. In Worship, I have felt God's presence. In fellowship with other believers and attending church, I have felt my faith strenghtened. I urge anyone reading this to experience this life changing difference.

"I serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today; I know that He is living, whatever men may say; I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer And just the time I need Him He's always near. Refrain: He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know He lives?He lives within my heart."- hymn "He Lives"

Glassed winged butterfly

Ever seen one of these? Interesting! Native of Costa Rica!

"Contentment is destoyed by comparison"-Steve Farrar

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=2007-3-5

Listen to this to hear a family inspiring broadcast!

Do you remember the last time you felt true contentment? When you didn't want more money, more time, more things? I remember a fall day when Rog, Erik and I were riding our 4-wheeler. The sun was shining and the day was beautiful. While Rog and Erik rode in the woods I tooled around on my bike. The wildflowers were blooming in the fields, the clouds were puffy white. I felt blessed, contented. We were having fun as a family and the pressures of life were oblivious for that moment. Think about your moment of contentment.

God's Tools

"Children should have little Craftsman labels on them 'cause they are God's tools."-Roger

Camdyn 4 1/2 months
Great-great grandma Edna with Camdyn. February 19, 2007
As Roger said God uses our children. We want to be better examples. When we had Erik Roger asked me to pray and thank God for him. Even though we weren't Christians at the time we knew this little blessing came from God. Then we decided we wanted to raise our kids in church. So we sought a church. God used the kids to draw us to Him. In this world of confussion, disbelief in anything, our children should be our inspiration for greater things. Satan would have us regress but God wants us to progress. We learn to be less selfish as parents if we want what is best for our children. As with everything it is a process of living and learning. As our friend says "God should have made us grandparents before parents." If only I knew then what I know now.

Standing for Something "Greater" in this life

"By the grace of God I am what I am." 1 Corinthians 15:10

Yesterday evening a beloved man, Clifford, from our church passed away. He and his wife were the greeters at our church. He met everyone with a smile and a hug. He wore fun and interesting ties, sometimes he work a pink dress shirt. If you told him "God Bless you" he would reply "He already has" He loved God and had a geniune walk with Jesus. (See quote by Clifford in my blog "You gotta have heart") I was listening to a "Country Gospel" CD in memory of Clifford this morning. He loved hymns and recently sang "Nothing but the blood of Jesus" in church. I remember growing up hearing so many of the old hymns. I know many of them by heart. I sang some with my mom in church as a child. If you've been raised in church or if you've had parents or grandparents who sang these old hymns you've probably been touched by one. This morning I was moved to tears by the hymn "Just a Closer Walk with Thee"

I am weak, but Thou art strong;Jesus, keep me from all wrong;I'll be satisfied as long as I walk, let me walk close to Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Through this world of toil and snares,If I falter, Lord, who cares?Who with me my burden shares?None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
When my feeble life is o'er,Time for me will be no more;Guide me gently, safely o'erTo Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.
Just a closer walk with Thee,Precious Jesus, hear my plea,Daily walking close to Thee,Let it be, dear Lord, let it be."

I think that the older generation of christians are such an inspiration to me. Many of them have went through so much in their lifetimes. It has taken me many years to realize that the only way to keep your faith strong is to not falter in reading the Bible, praying and worshiping God. I've tried to live life on the fence. I've tried to have some of God and some of the world. But God never gave up on me. He still tugged at my heart. He draws me back time and time again.

My number one goal in life is to live my life as I've seen my dear friend Bonnie (who passed away December) and my christian brother Clifford. They have fought the fight, they have won the race. Hebrews 12:1"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." KJV

I'd rather stand for something, than nothing at all.

Putting Our Backs to the Past

"We must remember that we're each in process. We each have the messy, the mundane, and the delightful in our lives to a greater or lesser degree at one time or another. The most destructive thing we can do is envy others their triunph, rejoice in their messiness, or become discouraged by our own in relation to others'."- Sarah Zacharias Davis from "Confessions from an Honest Wife"

I read this and it seemed relavent to what I just wrote in The Day to Day to Day to Day STUFF.

Today in church Pastor Jim (a visiting pastor) talked about "Embracing the journey to fulfill your destiny" and "Moving foward living with our backs to the past." I've known people that say they have no regrets in life. Usually they say this because every decision we make, makes us who we are. I do regret decisions I've made. But I hope I've also learned from them. I know somethings that seemed so hard at the time have changed my life is such a remarkable way. I've asked God many times "Why?" Sometimes we never see the reason. Sometimes we just see that God will open another door. The world teaches us not to forgive. It teaches us to not get mad to get even. Sometimes we let our old hurts keep us from moving forward. As a demostration the congregations all got balloons and blew them up. Thinking of someone that had hurt us, a parent, a friend, a sibling, etc...Then we all let go of the balloon and let the hurt go. It was neat seeing all the balloons fluttering around releasing air, releasing peoples hurts. Most people have hurts. As Pastor Jim said some people may not even know they've hurt you. I can think of many instances where I've had to let things go. Sometimes it's taken years. It is hard, but we are freer if we can live with our backs to the past.

The Day to Day to Day to Day STUFF

I use to keep a journal where I only wrote when I was angry, hurt or discouraged. My online journal has mostly been positive stuff. But I do have my bad days. It is damp, dreary and late-February. I long to get away someplace warm. I thought it'd be fun to someday take off to the ocean spontaneously and sit on a deck overlooking the ocean, read and relax. Somewhere that I could be catered to. Someone would make my bed, fix my breakfast, lunch and dinner and then clean up after me. That's a vacation and as things stand now I can't anticipate one of those soon. It's disheartening, even though I know life could be so much worse. Not having a vacation is not a big problem. But I think it is natural to feel a little "fed up with life"time to time. You get tired of your job, you feel taken for granted, you are sick to death of cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes,etc...It's the everyday things that we struggle through that sometimes bare down on us and put us in a funk. Roger often complains that management at work doesn't appreciate him. He gets discouraged. In my situation no one is asking me to do more work. At home I don't have a time clock. I don't have a paycheck. I don't get overtime. I do have an internal meter that judges my worth by how clean my house is, how well my family is taken care of, how much money I contribute to expenses, how healthy we eat, how adjusted my family is, how much my family recognizes my hard work. I'm not feeling recognized. I cleaned the kitchen all morning last Thursday. I cleaned the refrigerator top to bottom, I cleaned the oven. I wiped down all the counters, baseboards, cabinets, appliances and bottom half of the walls. Someone noticed a cob-web on the ceiling!!! Housework is truly a thankless job. No one notices what has been done only when "their jeans haven't been washed!" I will clean the floors to only find track marks the next day, even when we are all careful not to track in. I am constantly bombarded with dishes piling around the sink, laundry to be done. Then, who in their right mind wants to grocery shop on a sloppy, messy, damp, cold day like today!! For days I've planned my menu items for next week. Let's see we are out of sugar, PB (because the Peter Pan was contaminated!) We need mushroom soup for chicken casserole. I need french fries to go with the chicken patties that the boys can eat when I take Jess shopping for her birthday Sunday. I'd love to have someone else plan and fix my meals! And I'm sick to death of being on a freakin' budget! I'd love to go for a pedicure, buy some clothes (even at a resale store!) I didn't get paid last week for missing work on a snow day, so I got behind. That's nothing new, I'm always behind. I think most people can relate to some of these things. Sometimes we compare our lives to others. If only I had so and so's money I could do this and this. If only I was retired. If only I worked for myself. If only I was union. If only I had a housekeeper like so and so. If only I could take vacations in the winter. If only I just worked 9-5. If only I could stay at home. Okay, Okay I've got to have my pity party. Now to insert what I wrote just last month*
*My word is Faith
{I am in a funk. It is January, my boss is in the Caribbean and I am blue. I don’t have any real crisis in my life. I just am tired of day to day. I read a devotion this week about not concentrating on the negative. I copied the thought of the day on my kitchen blackboard, “Change negative attitude to positive by trusting God for the future”-Bible seeds devotion. Then Sunday in church, Linda talked about envisioning a snowball rolling down a hill with fresh snow, building and growing. Now envision a snowball rolling down a hill with dirty, sandy snow, growing and building with gravel and dirt in it. When we let the negative in our lives it is like that dirty snowball effect. She said that God put it on her heart to allow more positive influence in her life, through worship music, reading the Bible, etc. Then another friend of ours, Ed told Rog that his word for the year was Faith. I thought I’ll try that. I’ll have faith that all things will work out. Yet I’ve found myself worrying over and over about the same things. I worry about how Kevin will afford college; will he get grants, scholarships? Will he have too much debt? I felt that God was telling me that he’d take care of it. I also had other worries. So there is an ugly snowball effect of negativity. I don’t like feeling this way. I do know there is an up side to all this. Kevin can go to college. God is taking care of all my family and has a plan. We are able to pay our bills; we have the things we need. My kids have had the truth instilled in them. I know that Rog is eating a little better. I may not be in the Caribbean but I am where God wants me and He will see me through.} " Faith is a lot like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger you grow."-Greg Laurie
So I did better for awhile. Then I got in my funk again. Isn't that the way life is? "I get up but I get kicked back down again" Well, life could be worse. I did a couple's hair 2 weeks ago. They are housebound. She has MS, was paralyzed from a surgery, he can't work because he has a bad heart and carpal tunnel syndrome. She needs him 24-7 'cause she is afraid to be left alone. They only get out for doctor appts. She'd probably love to be able to shop for herself again. I was dreading shopping that day, it was sub-zero. Monday we visited Jess and Kev's great-grandma. She lives by herself. She has a lot of family but is still alone most of the time. She told me "to enjoy my rides with Roger" (he was going to drive with me to Plymouth to take Jess and Camdyn home). She said that she misses her drives with her husband who has been deceased 19 years. They use to ride together to get farm machinery parts. I am thankful for my family, my home, etc.
Again as Clifford said "God works on the heart to change the mind (Change negative to positive) Satan works on the mind to change the heart.(Giving us a bad attitude) Everyday we battle the mind. Psalms 42:11 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." I need a change of heart.
PS I am still glad that I don't have to get up at 5am, drive for an hour to work and then work for 8 hours at Worthington, then drive home and hour! You have it harder, Rog!
PSS If you need some cuteness in your life, add a smile by looking at a new site I found http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/

You gotta have Heart!

The heart is descibed in Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary as "one's innermost character, feelings, or inclinations "
Proverbs 4:23" Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
"God works on the heart to change the mind. Satan works on the mind to change the heart." -C.C. This quote is from an elder man in our church who is quite ill. He and his wife have been greeters at our church. They also have ministered at nursing homes. They display the "heart of God" I hope to someday have this as my legacy too. God Bless you Clifford and Lois!

Go Colts!

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God showed him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Tom," God said. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Brady felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the sidewalk, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk and a 50-foot-tall flagpole with an enormous Colts logo flag. A Colts towel hung in every window. Brady looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, won the Super Bowl three times and I even went to the Hall of Fame." "So what's your point, Tom?" God asked. "Well," Brady said, "why does Peyton Manning get a better house than me?" God chuckled. "Tom, that's not Peyton's house," he said. "It's mine." - unknown author

Teaching our Kids!

Yesterday, I had a client and old classmate tell me that she'd just learned that her 16 year old son was sexually active. Of course her main concern was his girlfriend getting pregnant. She checked with the mother to see if the girl was on birth control. I may be in the minority but I do not endorse birth control as a solution. First, pregnancy is not my only concern for my kids. Thru experience I've come to see why God's word, the Bible discourages sex outside of marriage. The emotional hurt, unplanned pregnancy and disease being a few reasons. The world encourages sex outside of marriage because we don't want to say no to our desires...Thus we have more divorce, more abortions, more STDs and more single parent families. In our society it is very hard to tell ourselves no. Without love for ourselves, God and others we will engage in anything that feels good. I believe a lot of girls and women seek affection and attention though sex. I've heard physchologists say that when a girl doesn't feel loved or special to a father she will seek attention through other males. This makes her vulernable. There can be other strong male figures in her life to conteract this I believe, a loving grandfather, God: the father, a respectful boyfriend. How many girls find that respectful boyfriend? One who will not pressure her to have sex, then dump her later? As a teen girl I didn't have a father figure. My father passed away when I was 11. However, I had a strong relationship with God and a respectful boyfriend that didn't pressure me for sex.
Sex is a moment of pleasure but can be a lifetime of hurt if not in a secure relationship such as marriage. I believe in marriage. It's a committment. I believe that living together is "all the benefits without the committment." I lived with Roger and I regret that decision. I had went into rebellion to God because of my divorce. Recently I relized that when I felt God dissappointed me I rebelled. I use to serve God because I expected Him to bless me. Now I see, as Erik so plainly told me yesterday "We shouldn't do things because we expect a reward." He is so wise for his years!!! That is true in love for God, for our family and for our neighbors. "Don't pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honouring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically." Romans 12:9-11 "Pay all your debts, except the debt of love for others. You can never finish paying that! If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill all the requirements of God's law. For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting-and any other commandment-are all summed up in this one commandment:"Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no wrong to anyone, so love satisfies all of God's requirements." - Romans 13:8-10 (New Living Translation)
Roger and I settled into familiarity too soon and didn't enjoy the concept of dating each other. We also moved in together during the "oh-ah" stage and things could have went to ah-oh! But thank God they didn't. Roger wanted marriage from the beginning. I was wary because of my divorce. He asked me if I'd marry him if I felt the same way in 6 months. And 12 months later, I did!
I am open in my conversation to my kids about sex and the consequences. I believe I should be more worried about their souls than anything else. I have tried to instill Godly advice. I have tried to present them with facts. Recently I learned that at least 50% of sexually active people will contact HPV in their lifes. see- http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
The Human Papillomavirus is the new hot topic, showing up in magazines and on TV. There is a vaccination now to help protect our daughters from contacting this disease before they become sexually active. Even if she waits for her future husband, he could pass it to her if he's been sexually active.
You are not protected from HPV if you use condoms. It causes genital warts anywhere from the area around the genitalia, to the anus, to the inside of the uterus. HPV is one of the leading causes of cervical cancer in women. How scary is that?! I've told my son that when you have sex it is like you've had sex with all the people your partner has been with.
If you have no other reason, no moral conviction to wait for sex, at least the fear of contacting or spreading disease to your future spouse would caution us to not "Sample"
I am sick of Hollywood's infiltration of sex in the media. Like Phillip Morris who sells cigarettes but pretends to care about future smokers, MTV and other media platforms pretend to care about our kids while "Selling Sex"
"Kids who listen to music with sexually degrading lyrics have sex at an earlier age, reports a RAND Health study thats followed 1,400 kids, ages 12-17, for 3 years. The more exposure kids have to media with any sexual content, the more likely they are to start having sex themselves. this is especially true with regard to movies and music, reports a University of N. C. at Chapel Hill study of 1,000 seventh and eighth graders." -Good Housekeeping, February 2007
It's our call. We can let the world influence them or we teach and try to protect them. Sure they are not going to listen to everything we say but it is suprising what sticks. And when you've done everything you can to influence them know that you aren't responsible for their choices only for your influence!

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday 2007

-Sanctity of Human Life Sunday 2007 bulletin insert by Indiana Right to Life -www.protectinglife.com

-"The Rescuing Hug" These twins were born prematurely and placed in seperate incubators. One sibling was struggling to survive. A nurse decided to move them together and the stronger sibling placed her arm around her sister and her heart rate and tempture improved. They are now in kindergarden.

"You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139: 13-16

I've been researching facts on abortion and it is scary. 43% of American women will have had at least one abortion by the age of 45.
Of the reported legal abortions according to the Center for Disease control and Prevention (CDC) Abortion surveillance Report, Jan. 7, 2000 in 1972 there were 586,760 abortions and 25 years later in 1997 there were 1,184,758. Nearly twice as many!!!
15,000 abortions each year are attributed to rape and incest. This represents only about 1% of abortions!
In a 1990 Canadian study of 22,000 women who received prenatal diagnosis, 88% who found they were carrying a child with Down Syndrome aborted the unborn child. Other studies have put the rate of Down Syndrome abortions at about 90%
"The fertilization of an egg can occur as early as 15 minutes after intercource. This egg contains 46 human chromosomes. These chromosomes are a complex genetic design for every detail of the prenatal human development. This genetic design includes hair, sex, eye color, skin tone and height."
-Focus on the Family website http://www.heartlink.org/beavoice/
When looking at the Sanctity of Human Life bulletin I noticed the face of the boy with Down Syndrome. I have had the priveledge of meeting and cutting the hair of a Down Syndrome boy. He is so incredibly happy! I've also read much on the internet of parents or siblings with Down's syndrome children, their many obsticles and their many triumphs! It is obvious that those parents, siblings, etc. have been blessed.
Today our community is gathering together at St Thomas Aquinas Church in Knox at the Monument for The Unborn. There they will mourn the lost of an unborn child, either from a misscarriage or an abortion. I've lost a grandchild to a misscarriage and I often wonder what he/she might have been like. I believe I will see her/him in heaven someday. Many of us have known someone who has had an abortion. It is for many a choice that is regretted. But God Forgives...God Heals...and God Restores. I do not pretend to know what it is like to go through this but there are excelent resources for post-abortion trauma at http://www.heartlink.org/beavoice/ "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." -Lamentations 3: 22,23 "I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee." -Isaiah 44:22
I have a strong opposition to abortion. It is not a way to fix a mistake. God has not given us that right. I know many people hide their mistakes even encourage their children to hide their mistakes this way. Then there are the brave people that give life to these mistakes and they don't feel like mistakes anymore! A child is never a mistake. "How could we put a price on even one helpless little baby in it's mother's womb? Each one is worth more than the possessions of the entire world." -Dr. James C. Dobson
This is not a political issue for me. I am aware of the arguements for abortion. I just don't agree that life and is in our hands.
Are we playing God with stem cell research? What do you think? Post a comment.

Nursing Home Blues

Mom and Doris at the Francesville Parade!
Just last week, Erik and I went to a Christmas Dinner at the nursing home where mom lives. It was very nice. There was a meal including many pies. The Monon middle school "Ambassadors" performed a spectacular musical, with bright costumes, singing, dancing and clogging. The church volunteers provided along with the meal, a present for each resident. Mom, Erik and I enjoyed ourselves, even though there were awkward moments like when mom asked the resident across from us, if his wife was his mother, TWICE! But it was good to see mom smile and appreciate the attention. However, sitting with us was Doris, mom's roommate. She didn't have a family member there and was rather depressed. Doris who is usually happy and excited to be involved, refused to eat and went back to her room. This is one of many times I've seen her disappointed that her family wasn't there. I'm not sure why they didn't come? At Thanksgiving she was sitting at a table eating Thanksgiving dinner alone because her tablemates had all gone home with their families. All I know is it is breaking my heart. When I can't attend a function, I try to find another family member to go and Debbie has went too. I wish other family members could have this opportunity sometimes too. Mom doesn't remember what day it is but I don't want to leave her sitting alone on special occasions. Those occasions don't come often. I have been selfish in the past, because it has been hard on me to go get her. It was sometimes an inconvenience, she wanted to rush back home, or she got tired and confused. But after seeing Doris so lonely for her family I don't want to let mom sit up there alone. I know she'll have her bad days...We all do. But a holiday shouldn't be one of them. It is an opportunity for us to make memories with her. We won't have many of those left, whether she lives 1 or 20 years longer. I know I won't want to spend my birthday, Christmas, etc. without my family ever. I pray I don't have to. I have a friend that says that he will never put his parents in a nursing home. I understand his feelings. But I also know that for my mom it was a good thing. I spent many nights praying about it and she is happy there for the most part, of which I am happy and relieved. I can have my own life and not worry that she is taken care of. Mom is lucky to have a family to care about her so much. I just pray that Doris won't have to spend another occasion alone again and her family will recognize she needs them before it is too late. I am so thankful for the Wonderful staff at Parkview and all the volunteers. They value the elderly and will reap a reward, I am sure. "For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Galatians 6:7

"I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends"

"I get by with a little help from my friends." -John Lennon
This is true. I have some very valuable friendships:
First and foremost, my friend, Jesus. "We have a friend that sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18 :24) "What a friend we have in Jesus, who all our sorrows bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer." -Hymn
The friends that got me thru school, puberty, boyfriends, graduation, then have been thru life with me. "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." -John Leonard. Thanks Ginger, Pam, Nina, Jody, and Matt.
Roger, who is my best friend. My shoulder to lean on, my fellow dreamer. "There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage." -Martin Luther. Thanks Pooky.
My daughter who I share bond of family and friendship! Thanks Poo-poo-tissue.
Our couple friends who we just have fun with, traveling or hanging out! Thanks Matt and Traci, Ginger and Kelly.
Those friends who lean a listening ear. Those who are honest but supportive! "I can trust my friends. These people force me to examine, encourage me to grow." -Cher. Thanks Traci, Ginger, Nina, Matt, Roger.
Our church friends who have prayed with and for us, who do not judge but counsel us with Godly wisdom. Ecclesiastes 4:10 "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man that falls and has no one to help him up."
Thanks Ed and Jenny, Rodd and Illene, Kevin and Lori, etc...
My buddy, Erik. He is my sunshine. "People let me tell you about my best friend. He's my one boy, my cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy." - Theme song from Eddy's father.
My son Kevin. We don't share too much in common right now but I hope to someday be his friend. It's hard to be a friend when you are being a parent. Meanwhile I can tease with Kevin and that makes me smile. There has been a spider infestation in our house. I never know where the next rubber spider will show up!
My mom, she inspires me! I'll forever admire her faith and her love for her family!
Grandma Eleanore, who I want to be like. She lives life to the fullest! And never grows old. Thanks Grandma Eleanore.
My newest little friend, Camdyn. You make me smile!!
My co-workers who tirelessly hear my stories, who know too much about me and I them and who make it bearable to go to work! Thanks Connie and Etta.
My clientele who I've become close to. Thanks Lola, Bonnie and Vickie.
Our dog, Maxine. She just wants to eat, sleep and be walked. She needs me!
Then there are those who I may have not talked to in awhile or who we've grown apart, those who are family, those who were family at a time and I still treasure (Grandma Edna, Kari, Teen, Karen, Connie B.) those I've worked with and had fun (Amber and Michelle), those who correspond via e-mail or at Christmas, those who in some way have impacted my life. To all who have touched my life, Thank you.

Couldn't have said it better, again! Megafreeway or Narrow Way? by Greg Laurie

Tuesday, November 21, 2006Megafreeway or Narrow Way?

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
— Proverbs 14:12
There is a road to heaven. Jesus said, "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it" (Matthew 7:13).Jesus was saying there is a clear way to walk in life. Certainly He was not advocating the fuzzy thinking of our time that claims that all roads lead to God, that says, "You have your truth, I have my truth, and eventually we will all end up in the same place."Some people seem to think the road to heaven is like a megafreeway where we all have our lanes, and we are all going to get there eventually. Some have a lane of religion. Others have a lane of philosophy. Others have a lane of something else. And the pervading belief about this freeway to heaven is that we can change lanes if we want to: I don't like this philosophy lane. . . . I am going to go over to the religion lane. . . . I am going to go over to this other lane. . . . That is how they envision it.But that is not the way Jesus described it. He said, "Broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it."Some say, "I will find my own way." Maybe they will. But it can be the way of death. The road Jesus offers is a narrow one. If you have not yet chosen to walk on that narrow road, take the next exit from your megafreeway. You can choose to walk with Christ. Choose life today! Greg Laurie Copyright © 2006 by Harvest Ministries. All rights reserved.

Our Astonishing World

"The law of biogenesis states that life always comes from life. Both observational science and Genesis 1 tell us that organisms reproduce after their own kind. This and other natural laws exist because the universe has a Creator who is logical and has imposed order on His universe."
"Everything in the universe, every plant and animal, every rock, every particle of matter of light wave, is bound by laws which it has no choice but to obey."
-Jason Lisle, Phd
quotes taken from Answers Magazine Oct.-Dec. 2006

Crepuscular Rays



A Bipolar Emission Nebula


















Tornado and Rainbow over Kansas

Addictions and Obsessions

I watch Dr. Phil regularly and even though I get extremely frustrated with the dramatics I am interested in human psychology. It is disturbing to see that behind many white picket fences there are so many human concerns. I remember being young and believing I was invincible. My faith was unshakable, my marriage was stable, my morals were intact, etc. Then human imperfection got in the way. I use to say, "I would never..." Never say never. Some of the things I have witnessed on the Dr. Phil show have definitely seemed unconventional. And yes, there are things I don't believe I'd ever do that I see on there. However, I believe that many of us have a "Sin which doth so easily beset us" Hebrews 12:1, obsessions, addictions that we may always battle with. Whether it is alcoholism, drug use, bulimia, cutting, anger management, pornography, an unhealthy relationship, etc., an obsession or addiction can take over your once calm life and turn your days into constant frustration. It can come from out of nowhere or it could stem from a deeper root. If allowed to breed it can destroy your life and others. Sometimes even harmless behaviors can escalate into a consuming obsession. I've watched interviews where normal people become addicted to things and they have become so consumed that their families were suffering too. In fact they made a show to glamorize this, called "Desperate housewives" (I've never personally watched it). Affairs, pill addictions, shop lifting, lying, deception, greed, jealousy, etc are good TV, Why? I don't know. Look at our soaps, our talk shows. Well, it might be good TV but it's not "good real life"! It's miserable. Mark 7: 20-21 "It is the thought-life that defiles you. For from within, out of a person's heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy , slander, pride and foolishness." New Living Translation.
I think our family structure may be destroyed if we don't seek help. Where does one find help from obsessions and addictions? First I had to want to be free from my obsession. I couldn't live like that anymore. Personally I believe finding professional guidance to break free is essential. Then having people in your life to find you accountable for your actions, people who will not sugar coat things for you but tell you the truth. To protect against obsessions and addictions I believe in seeking God with all your heart through prayer and Bible study. Naturally avoiding the thing that causes your weakness 100% will keep you guarded. Lastly, associating with people who will make you stronger, people that too have went through something similar and triumphed! Then don't ever think yourself invincible again. For even King David (a man after God's own heart, Acts 13:22 ) was tempted and sinned. (2 Samuel 11) Being through an obsession myself has made me more aware of the infallibility of mankind. I hope I am more forgiving and sympathetic. But of course there are things to me that seem unforgivable. I am mortified and bewildered at the shear evilness of some human beings. "Lord, how long will the wicked, how long will the wicked triumph?" Psalm 94:3 But for those wishing to be released and absolved there is forgiveness, there is prevalence.
**There is a powerful video by "Third Day" called "Cry Out to Jesus" at music.yahoo.com/musicvideos type in "Cry Out to Jesus" to watch/listen. Powerful!!!!