Scriptures for the Day

"What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever" (Isaiah 5:20–21 NLT).Psalm 1 begins, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night" (verses 1–2, NKJV)."Don't be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant" (Galatians 6:7 NLT).
However...Jesus said,"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10 NKJV).
I don't wish to add years to my life. I do wish to live my life more abundantly. This world is not my home, I'm just passing thru!

Fall Luncheon with Mom

I went to visit my mother with Alzheimers disease today. I have most always felt blessed to have her here with me but today I felt differently. Her eyes seem lost, her thoughts undefined, her smile not so bright. We went to a dinner together for the residents of her nursing home. I fed her and held her hand or patted her shoulder. Sometimes despite her sideways posture she'd look my way and either give me a puzzled look or a slight smile. She never spoke many words til I was wheeling her back past the pond and I said "Mom, dad likes to fish doesn't he? Immediately she piped up, "Yes, he does!" He has been gone now some 33 years but she may or may not remember that. I'm unsure of her state of mind since her words have become fewer and more confused. At the dinner there was a man singing old hymns and old songs. Some songs I noticed mom would bounce her leg to which was some encouragement that this life might still be giving her some joy. When the man sang the hymn "In the Garden" he mentioned it was his mother's favorite hymn before she past away. I remembered as a little girl singing in the small Assembly of God this very song with my mom. I began to wipe tears with my napkin trying to turn away from the others at the table. One very sweet resident from the assistant living apartments came over and gently laid her hand on my shoulder handing me a tissue saying "This will work better than those napkins" The people and residents there are so kind. After I've been there to visit my perspectives change. Instead of focusing on the things in this life that are so shallow I begin to contemplate on greater things. These folks at the end of their lifes have only their families and hopefully a faith of a greater life beyond this one. They've lived many sorted lifes, I'm sure. Some simple, some hard, some grand, some easy but all are in the same situation. Growing older, more weary, less capible, and closer to the end of their journey. How much I treasure my mother. She has lived a sometimes hard, sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, but mostly blessed life. She has been blessed because she valued the things in life that mattered. I treasure my mother because despite all life threw her way, she always thought of others. If God takes her today I know she'll be rejoicing in Heaven with my dad and my brother, Paul. I told her today that I beleived that Paul was practicing a song to sing for us and I couldn't wait to hear it. Maybe it'll be "Why Me Lord" by Kris Kristofferson..."what have I ever done, to deserve even one of the blessings I've known?" (one of Paul's favorite songs)

Do I Dare Ask God for a Sign?

I often think of the people of the Bible who witnessed miracles and signs and I ask myself if I dare ask God for a sign? Well, I did! I have a peace lily that hasn't bloomed since the first blooms died off last winter. I am not a plant expert and have a rather black thumb but the plant was surviving well. Then one day I noticed one tall bloom! I don't know why this thought came to me but I asked God if he'd show me a sign that all my children would someday serve Him. Acts 16:31 (King James Version)
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." So I asked that he let 2 more blooms form on my plant, one for each child. While watering it a few days later, I noticed a new bloom...then a few more days as I cleaned I saw a third bloom. Now I have 3 full blooms. It was a simple request but yet a much needed sign. I can rest in the fact that God has my children close to His heart ever so gently calling them to Him.

I then dared to ask for a bloom for each of my grandchildren...I have one and one on the way! My husband said to God, "Now you understand how I feel. Nothing is ever good enough!" Well, I'm happy with the three blooms and I do trust God will take care of my grandchildren too!

Peri-menopause may get me down but I'll get back up again!

This last couple of months I've been an irritable, complaining, depressed mess. I blamed it on peri-menopause. Being in my 40s started out great. I felt content mostly. I was okay with being 40. I wasn't so hard on myself. I was happy with the simple things in life. I didn't need drama anymore. I even felt a little more spiritual:) Well, then I started having wild mood swings. Of course I took it out on the one person who would take it, Rog. (My boss, Connie has offered him counseling) I just think I married a saint. He has been so supportive. I am the taker. Always have been. He's the giver. Then there is life. I've got so much to be thankful for. But I was starting to feel like I just rather not live another day. I'm not saying I'm past all that. I've just had a succession of good days (mainly since my period ended after 43 days) Some days I thought of how sick of living the day to day I was and wished myself dead. I would even contemplate it if I wasn't afraid of hurting the people I love, creating a terrible legacy, and of course the pain of dying itself!

Yeah, I've had some stress. The kind that comes with this time in my life. My mother having Alzheimer's and feeling guilty that I am not with her more (before she gets worse) I've dealt with a terminal illness with my mother-in-law in which while I was going thru it I didn't have time or energy to feel sorry for myself. Something in giving back, comforting others, makes one less self-focused. It was the worse and the best of times. Only cause it brought out a love and strength that only by the grace of God I could have mustard!

On top of aging parents there have been worries over grown children. Wanting to solve all their problems became a focus many times! I wanted to feel like I could or did make a difference and I often did not feel like I did or could!

Because of our economical struggle this year I stopped dreaming of a vacation or a new home. This was one of my lesser concerns but yet I felt cheated.

With all these issues I also suffered a pinched nerve that lasted 5 weeks and I couldn't sleep, sit or do anything comfortably. I was medicated and became frantic that I'd never get better or need surgery. In the middle of those 5 weeks I started the period that would not end. When I went to the doctor over my pinched nerve he assured me the nerve was healing, but the periods was not normal. He mentioned an ultra sound, biopsy and not putting the cart before the horse. So I started worrying about having the cancer that so horribly took my mother-in-law.

But in honesty I thought "What if I have to take time of work" Would that be so bad? I had gotten to hate my job cause I had to face people. How do you socialize when your life feels topsy turvy? My job is a social job and for the most part I've loved that about it. But how to you go to work and deal with the many personalities of people when you don't like anyone! I wanted to lay in bed and cry of which I did a few times. I never suffered hot flashes yet but I experienced a definite hormonal imbalance.

I wasn't praying, I was barely reading my Bible. I was becoming desensitized, numb, dull. I told God I just didn't want to live. I wondered how I can be a Christian and not feel any joy. The days were bleak, the nights I gave away to as much sleep as I could.

So what has changed...I'm not sure. I went to a GYN and he did some tests and wants to do a surgery on me called endometrial ablazion. It will basically help stop the shedding of the lining of my uterus so I won't have hardly anymore periods.

I don't think I'm thru the worse of this. I will probably still have some symptoms of this peri-menopausal stuff. I've been told it can last 7-10 years! I dread the bad days but I've read some things that have encouraged me and possibly opened my eyes.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" Proverbs 18:21 "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23 I need to be careful what I confess. If I speak positively I believe I can be positive. I'll let you know if it works:)

And from a new fav book of mine by Phil Callaway-"Laughing Matters, learning to laugh when life stinks"

"I was struck with the realization that if thankfulness comes from prosperity, then that is nice. I like prosperity...But what would I do should that prosperity end? If I am able to thank God for good health, that is a wonderful gift. But what will I do when sickness comes, when I am bedridden? When I am depressed?(my ad lib) Will I become bitter or miserable? Perhaps. but suppose I live each day thankful that Jesus Christ loves me? That He died to redeem me? That His love will never end, that His mercies are new every morning? Then my bank account does not have me at it's mercy, nor does my happiness depend on a doctor's prognosis. If I lose it all, I can still give thanks to God."

I'll let you know how that works for me too. It's easy to let life (or peri-menopause get you down) but God wants us to rely on His strength to get thru anything!

Winter Emotions!

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