"What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever" (Isaiah 5:20–21 NLT).Psalm 1 begins, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night" (verses 1–2, NKJV)."Don't be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant" (Galatians 6:7 NLT).
However...Jesus said,"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10 NKJV).
I don't wish to add years to my life. I do wish to live my life more abundantly. This world is not my home, I'm just passing thru!
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Fall Luncheon with Mom
I went to visit my mother with Alzheimers disease today. I have most always felt blessed to have her here with me but today I felt differently. Her eyes seem lost, her thoughts undefined, her smile not so bright. We went to a dinner together for the residents of her nursing home. I fed her and held her hand or patted her shoulder. Sometimes despite her sideways posture she'd look my way and either give me a puzzled look or a slight smile. She never spoke many words til I was wheeling her back past the pond and I said "Mom, dad likes to fish doesn't he? Immediately she piped up, "Yes, he does!" He has been gone now some 33 years but she may or may not remember that. I'm unsure of her state of mind since her words have become fewer and more confused. At the dinner there was a man singing old hymns and old songs. Some songs I noticed mom would bounce her leg to which was some encouragement that this life might still be giving her some joy. When the man sang the hymn "In the Garden" he mentioned it was his mother's favorite hymn before she past away. I remembered as a little girl singing in the small Assembly of God this very song with my mom. I began to wipe tears with my napkin trying to turn away from the others at the table. One very sweet resident from the assistant living apartments came over and gently laid her hand on my shoulder handing me a tissue saying "This will work better than those napkins" The people and residents there are so kind. After I've been there to visit my perspectives change. Instead of focusing on the things in this life that are so shallow I begin to contemplate on greater things. These folks at the end of their lifes have only their families and hopefully a faith of a greater life beyond this one. They've lived many sorted lifes, I'm sure. Some simple, some hard, some grand, some easy but all are in the same situation. Growing older, more weary, less capible, and closer to the end of their journey. How much I treasure my mother. She has lived a sometimes hard, sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, but mostly blessed life. She has been blessed because she valued the things in life that mattered. I treasure my mother because despite all life threw her way, she always thought of others. If God takes her today I know she'll be rejoicing in Heaven with my dad and my brother, Paul. I told her today that I beleived that Paul was practicing a song to sing for us and I couldn't wait to hear it. Maybe it'll be "Why Me Lord" by Kris Kristofferson..."what have I ever done, to deserve even one of the blessings I've known?" (one of Paul's favorite songs)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Do I Dare Ask God for a Sign?
I often think of the people of the Bible who witnessed miracles and signs and I ask myself if I dare ask God for a sign? Well, I did! I have a peace lily that hasn't bloomed since the first blooms died off last winter. I am not a plant expert and have a rather black thumb but the plant was surviving well. Then one day I noticed one tall bloom! I don't know why this thought came to me but I asked God if he'd show me a sign that all my children would someday serve Him. Acts 16:31 (King James Version)
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." So I asked that he let 2 more blooms form on my plant, one for each child. While watering it a few days later, I noticed a new bloom...then a few more days as I cleaned I saw a third bloom. Now I have 3 full blooms. It was a simple request but yet a much needed sign. I can rest in the fact that God has my children close to His heart ever so gently calling them to Him.
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." So I asked that he let 2 more blooms form on my plant, one for each child. While watering it a few days later, I noticed a new bloom...then a few more days as I cleaned I saw a third bloom. Now I have 3 full blooms. It was a simple request but yet a much needed sign. I can rest in the fact that God has my children close to His heart ever so gently calling them to Him.
I then dared to ask for a bloom for each of my grandchildren...I have one and one on the way! My husband said to God, "Now you understand how I feel. Nothing is ever good enough!" Well, I'm happy with the three blooms and I do trust God will take care of my grandchildren too!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Peri-menopause may get me down but I'll get back up again!
This last couple of months I've been an irritable, complaining, depressed mess. I blamed it on peri-menopause. Being in my 40s started out great. I felt content mostly. I was okay with being 40. I wasn't so hard on myself. I was happy with the simple things in life. I didn't need drama anymore. I even felt a little more spiritual:) Well, then I started having wild mood swings. Of course I took it out on the one person who would take it, Rog. (My boss, Connie has offered him counseling) I just think I married a saint. He has been so supportive. I am the taker. Always have been. He's the giver. Then there is life. I've got so much to be thankful for. But I was starting to feel like I just rather not live another day. I'm not saying I'm past all that. I've just had a succession of good days (mainly since my period ended after 43 days) Some days I thought of how sick of living the day to day I was and wished myself dead. I would even contemplate it if I wasn't afraid of hurting the people I love, creating a terrible legacy, and of course the pain of dying itself!
Yeah, I've had some stress. The kind that comes with this time in my life. My mother having Alzheimer's and feeling guilty that I am not with her more (before she gets worse) I've dealt with a terminal illness with my mother-in-law in which while I was going thru it I didn't have time or energy to feel sorry for myself. Something in giving back, comforting others, makes one less self-focused. It was the worse and the best of times. Only cause it brought out a love and strength that only by the grace of God I could have mustard!
On top of aging parents there have been worries over grown children. Wanting to solve all their problems became a focus many times! I wanted to feel like I could or did make a difference and I often did not feel like I did or could!
Because of our economical struggle this year I stopped dreaming of a vacation or a new home. This was one of my lesser concerns but yet I felt cheated.
With all these issues I also suffered a pinched nerve that lasted 5 weeks and I couldn't sleep, sit or do anything comfortably. I was medicated and became frantic that I'd never get better or need surgery. In the middle of those 5 weeks I started the period that would not end. When I went to the doctor over my pinched nerve he assured me the nerve was healing, but the periods was not normal. He mentioned an ultra sound, biopsy and not putting the cart before the horse. So I started worrying about having the cancer that so horribly took my mother-in-law.
But in honesty I thought "What if I have to take time of work" Would that be so bad? I had gotten to hate my job cause I had to face people. How do you socialize when your life feels topsy turvy? My job is a social job and for the most part I've loved that about it. But how to you go to work and deal with the many personalities of people when you don't like anyone! I wanted to lay in bed and cry of which I did a few times. I never suffered hot flashes yet but I experienced a definite hormonal imbalance.
I wasn't praying, I was barely reading my Bible. I was becoming desensitized, numb, dull. I told God I just didn't want to live. I wondered how I can be a Christian and not feel any joy. The days were bleak, the nights I gave away to as much sleep as I could.
So what has changed...I'm not sure. I went to a GYN and he did some tests and wants to do a surgery on me called endometrial ablazion. It will basically help stop the shedding of the lining of my uterus so I won't have hardly anymore periods.
I don't think I'm thru the worse of this. I will probably still have some symptoms of this peri-menopausal stuff. I've been told it can last 7-10 years! I dread the bad days but I've read some things that have encouraged me and possibly opened my eyes.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" Proverbs 18:21 "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23 I need to be careful what I confess. If I speak positively I believe I can be positive. I'll let you know if it works:)
And from a new fav book of mine by Phil Callaway-"Laughing Matters, learning to laugh when life stinks"
"I was struck with the realization that if thankfulness comes from prosperity, then that is nice. I like prosperity...But what would I do should that prosperity end? If I am able to thank God for good health, that is a wonderful gift. But what will I do when sickness comes, when I am bedridden? When I am depressed?(my ad lib) Will I become bitter or miserable? Perhaps. but suppose I live each day thankful that Jesus Christ loves me? That He died to redeem me? That His love will never end, that His mercies are new every morning? Then my bank account does not have me at it's mercy, nor does my happiness depend on a doctor's prognosis. If I lose it all, I can still give thanks to God."
I'll let you know how that works for me too. It's easy to let life (or peri-menopause get you down) but God wants us to rely on His strength to get thru anything!
Monday, February 09, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Abortion linked to breast cancer.
Did you know??? That the rise in breast cancer has been linked to the rise in abortions? I didn't know this until today when I read on a billboard- "13,000 new cases of cancer a year linked to abortions" I looked it up and the statistics are remarkable. It makes sense if you interrupt the natural hormonal development. Women should be aware of this!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
The Wisdom of the World
1Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written: “ I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”[a]20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?... 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
In a previous blog I said that I intended to elaborate on facts that support the Bible. Even though I myself am more of a spiritual believer and accept faith without science or theory there are those who are intellectual that seek after facts. I just watched the movie "Expelled" with Ben Stein, a documentary about professionals that have lost their positions, grants,etc. because they chose to believe in Intelligent Design. I recommend this movie if you wish to see how scientists and theologians on both sides feel about "Darwinism" and "Intelligent Design" It seems that there is no room for intelligent design in our schools, museums, etc any more. It is sad. It takes away all hope of the meaning of life. We live, we die, the end. How sad. I would rather believe that a Creator such as the God of the Bible designed life. I have a hard time believing that a single cell "just came" into existence and then evolved into all life forms. The "Darwinists" cannot even attest to where this cell came from. They "just don't know" So how do they know it wasn't intelligent design??? It is evident that life among it's own species does evolve. But to believe I evolved from another species seems ignorant to me or that life started on the back of a crystal or from an evolved higher species (some Darwinists' theories, see "Expelled")
Back to defending the Bible as true I will simply state one fact I've found interesting and supporting.
The Bible has hundreds of prophesies in the Old Testament (See the book of Isaiah) written 100s of years before they were fulfilled in the New testament about the coming of Christ and His life on Earth.
"In 1947 a shepherd boy tending his father’s sheep in Qumran, north and to the west of the Sea in Israel, made an amazing discovery while looking for a lost sheep. There in Qumran, in a hillside cave that had laid untouched for nearly two thousand years, he discovered an ancient collection of hand written copies of the Old Testament. These scrolls had been hidden in caves by the Essenes, a Jewish sect living in Qumran, 2,000 years ago. These scrolls and writings (now known as the Dead Sea Scrolls) represented every book of the Old Testament except the Book of Esther, and are considered one of the greatest discoveries in modern times"http://www.alwaysbeready.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=99&Itemid=0
Coming soon...More amazing Bible facts.
In a previous blog I said that I intended to elaborate on facts that support the Bible. Even though I myself am more of a spiritual believer and accept faith without science or theory there are those who are intellectual that seek after facts. I just watched the movie "Expelled" with Ben Stein, a documentary about professionals that have lost their positions, grants,etc. because they chose to believe in Intelligent Design. I recommend this movie if you wish to see how scientists and theologians on both sides feel about "Darwinism" and "Intelligent Design" It seems that there is no room for intelligent design in our schools, museums, etc any more. It is sad. It takes away all hope of the meaning of life. We live, we die, the end. How sad. I would rather believe that a Creator such as the God of the Bible designed life. I have a hard time believing that a single cell "just came" into existence and then evolved into all life forms. The "Darwinists" cannot even attest to where this cell came from. They "just don't know" So how do they know it wasn't intelligent design??? It is evident that life among it's own species does evolve. But to believe I evolved from another species seems ignorant to me or that life started on the back of a crystal or from an evolved higher species (some Darwinists' theories, see "Expelled")
Back to defending the Bible as true I will simply state one fact I've found interesting and supporting.
The Bible has hundreds of prophesies in the Old Testament (See the book of Isaiah) written 100s of years before they were fulfilled in the New testament about the coming of Christ and His life on Earth.
"In 1947 a shepherd boy tending his father’s sheep in Qumran, north and to the west of the Sea in Israel, made an amazing discovery while looking for a lost sheep. There in Qumran, in a hillside cave that had laid untouched for nearly two thousand years, he discovered an ancient collection of hand written copies of the Old Testament. These scrolls had been hidden in caves by the Essenes, a Jewish sect living in Qumran, 2,000 years ago. These scrolls and writings (now known as the Dead Sea Scrolls) represented every book of the Old Testament except the Book of Esther, and are considered one of the greatest discoveries in modern times"http://www.alwaysbeready.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=99&Itemid=0
Coming soon...More amazing Bible facts.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
In Memory of Mom (Beverly)
Mom passed away on Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 6:30 CST. We are unsure why she hung onto life those prior 6 days or why God didn't take her. We questioned whether there might be one more person she needed to see or hear from. Knowing her love for her mom, Eleanore we called her. Grandma told mom of her love for her. A nurse, Billie at Parkview had asked me during mom's stuggle if Roger and I ever prayed together. Even though not as often as we should, I said yes. After several days of mom struggling to thrive, I finally suggested to Roger that we pray over mom together. We closed the curtain around her bed and each said a prayer standing over her with hands laid on her. We prayed that God would end her suffering and she'd be in his loving arms. Beverly loved hugs and the day her cancer doctor told her she would not get better she clung to his arm. I picture her in heaven, clinging to Jesus. And He won't be too busy to let her cling to Him. I wanted to give a eulogy in memory of Beverly at her funeral. But because of our differences in faith, dad (Jim) did not want anyone to speak but his "brother" from the Jehovah Witness Hall. So without the music like hymns to move me, the reminensing or the promise of Heaven I was not able to express my grief as I would like. Even though the speaker did give me credit for becoming like a daughter to Beverly, not until I kissed her forehead goodbye one final time did I finally shed the tears I needed. Then at home listening to worship music by Jeremy Camp I released many tears at our sorrow of not seeing her again on this Earth. There were many people I wanted to thank at the funeral and had included this in my eulogy. So I will post it here in remembrance of a wonderful lady.
Her hugs, her laughter, her sweet smile, her determination to not allow the cancer to get her spirits down, her positive attitude kept her strong, I believe for so long.Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit
"Cancer is so limited.It cannot cripple love.It cannot shatter hope.It cannot corrode faith.It cannot destroy peace.Cancer cannot kill friendship.It cannot suppress memories.It cannot silence courage.It cannot invade the soul.It cannot steal eternal life.And it cannot conquer the spirit."It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
God worked in all our lives over this last difficult year. I gained closeness with mom I never had. Roger felt freer to express his love to both his parents. As an only child Roger had an incredible place in his mother’s heart. With no siblings to share his sorrow he often turned focus to his dad and helping him.
"Cancer is so limited.It cannot cripple love.It cannot shatter hope.It cannot corrode faith.It cannot destroy peace.Cancer cannot kill friendship.It cannot suppress memories.It cannot silence courage.It cannot invade the soul.It cannot steal eternal life.And it cannot conquer the spirit."It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
God worked in all our lives over this last difficult year. I gained closeness with mom I never had. Roger felt freer to express his love to both his parents. As an only child Roger had an incredible place in his mother’s heart. With no siblings to share his sorrow he often turned focus to his dad and helping him.
Mom and Dad spent 41 years of marriage together. It moved me to see her and Jim holding hands or Jim laying a gentle kiss on her check or rubbing her cheek or arm with his hand.
Mom loved to spend time with Erik. He grew up sitting between grandpa and grandma in their GMC traveling many times to go eat at their favorite places or to visit their many friends. He never was able to leave her house without giving Grandma a hug!
Beverly had many friends. Many of which stuck close by her at the end…
Rosie and John of who they shared 42 years of friendship.
Others like Myra who came to visit or bring food, clean, or play cards with mom.
Family that visited, some from far away like her brother Larry and family.
Beverly’s mother, Eleanore who traveled from Massachusetts to spend some very special times with her this summer.
Her brother Sid and wife Mary who always brought a smile and laugh when they came.
I’ve never witness such an outpouring of love and kindness as I did these final days of mom’s life. The nurses and staff at Parkview Haven and Southern Care Hospice showed so much love and compassion to mom and our family.1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you dear friends and loved ones!
Mom we will never forget your precious smile, your loving hugs, your laughter… Til we meet again. Goodbye Mom
Love, Lorie
Mom loved to spend time with Erik. He grew up sitting between grandpa and grandma in their GMC traveling many times to go eat at their favorite places or to visit their many friends. He never was able to leave her house without giving Grandma a hug!
Beverly had many friends. Many of which stuck close by her at the end…
Rosie and John of who they shared 42 years of friendship.
Others like Myra who came to visit or bring food, clean, or play cards with mom.
Family that visited, some from far away like her brother Larry and family.
Beverly’s mother, Eleanore who traveled from Massachusetts to spend some very special times with her this summer.
Her brother Sid and wife Mary who always brought a smile and laugh when they came.
I’ve never witness such an outpouring of love and kindness as I did these final days of mom’s life. The nurses and staff at Parkview Haven and Southern Care Hospice showed so much love and compassion to mom and our family.1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you dear friends and loved ones!
Mom we will never forget your precious smile, your loving hugs, your laughter… Til we meet again. Goodbye Mom
Love, Lorie
Friday, October 10, 2008
Vigal and God's comforting
Death vigal-Definition: Family members or friends who gather around the bedside to watch over the person at the end of life until the death occurs.
We have been spending time with Beverly over the last couple of days because the nurses told us her condition was worsening and she was showing signs of dying. We got many different answers to how long she had. The one that most stood in my mind was Sandy, a nurse of many years that said "If this were my mom, I'd want to be here" and "I've seen many deaths and she has that look" Her blood pressure dropped dramatically over night. Her blood oxygen levels decreased significantly. She stopped taking in any fluids. Her temp. raised greatly. Her eyes were glazed and she was almost non-responsive. That was Thursday am. We rushed to her side. We spoke our goodbyes, we cried, we prayed, we released her, and we were prepared...The only time she would awake was when the nurses would move her because of her bedsore. The pain would cause her to moan and open her eyes. We'd try to get her to focus on us but were unsure she even saw us. Were left at 9pm as her vitals stayed the same and she was resting peacefully. We told the nurses that we had said our goodbyes and asked them to let us know if she became distressed or passed away. We slept unawakened by the pending phone call. This morning we called and they told us she was the same as the night before. We took care of some business and an hour later arrived at Parkview to see mom. Her vitals had improved and her temp. dropped over the last hour her nurse said. We walked into her room to see her wide eyed. She smiled at us today, tried to communicate, ate some ice cream and applesauce and took in liquids, and even laughed at us some. She nodded yes to direct questions. We marveled at the change and we thanked God for the opportunity to see her smile again and watch dad feed her icecream. She didn't seem in pain and told us she didn't have any pain. It was very frustrating to try and figure out what she wanted to tell us sometimes. We assured her that we knew that she loved us and tried to ease any worries she had. We left again this evening with instructions to the nurses to please call if there were any changes. We are emotionally spent. Roger's dad ate dinner with us. We tried to share with him about relationship with Jesus that could help him through this. He is very indoctrinated that he is not open to any other beliefs or faiths beside his own. He does not have an assurance of salvation, only a hope that he and Beverly "have been good enough" It's a sad situation but I believe God will reach through that shell and reach his heart. We can't serve God with our heads it has to be with our hearts. The Jehovah Witnesses serve with their works. They don't trust the Bible on it's own, they trust their "Watch Tower and Bible and Tract Society" They believe all other religions are false. We couldn't get past the things that have been pounded in his head for at least 42 years. I know God can reach into his heart and I hope he truly finds a personal Jesus in all of this. The Christian faith is the only faith that has a God who is personal to us, loves us, forgives us, has mercy and grace on us. In the midst of an imperfect world we often question God. I have often questioned God but I've also seen some good expressions of his love in my life. For example the road we've taken over the last year. One year from tomarrow, October 11, 2007 was the date we saw a double rainbow while going to her first appt. with the cancer doctor. I called it "Beverly's Rainbow" A sign I beleived was a promise from God to take care of her. see http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/11/beverlys-rainbow.html She wasn't healed as I had anticipated but she lived a year of many ups and downs. Some of which brought her closer to her family, helped her feel loved and appreciated, a year she went thru with little to no pain 'til just lately, one where she got stronger then weaker and felt the love of many people. Now of which will end with a new beginning, in a new body, "Where there shall be no more tears, or suffering" I am thankful for a merciful God who can speak to our hearts even during death as Jesus spoke to the theif on the cross when He said "Today you shall be with me in Paradise"
Another miracle that happen this week is in the midst of Roger losing his mom was when my demented mom says to Roger. "Hey, do you know who you are?" Roger asked, "who?" and mom replied, "you are my son!" It made Roger feel so good. It reminded me of Jesus on the cross, seeing his mother suffer from losing her son He said to Mary, "Woman, behold your son" of John and to John he said "Behold your mother" How God used my mom to comfort Roger in the loss of his mother is a sign to us that God cares about us! He may not take away the suffering and pain in this world but He promises to "never leave us or forsake us"
We have been spending time with Beverly over the last couple of days because the nurses told us her condition was worsening and she was showing signs of dying. We got many different answers to how long she had. The one that most stood in my mind was Sandy, a nurse of many years that said "If this were my mom, I'd want to be here" and "I've seen many deaths and she has that look" Her blood pressure dropped dramatically over night. Her blood oxygen levels decreased significantly. She stopped taking in any fluids. Her temp. raised greatly. Her eyes were glazed and she was almost non-responsive. That was Thursday am. We rushed to her side. We spoke our goodbyes, we cried, we prayed, we released her, and we were prepared...The only time she would awake was when the nurses would move her because of her bedsore. The pain would cause her to moan and open her eyes. We'd try to get her to focus on us but were unsure she even saw us. Were left at 9pm as her vitals stayed the same and she was resting peacefully. We told the nurses that we had said our goodbyes and asked them to let us know if she became distressed or passed away. We slept unawakened by the pending phone call. This morning we called and they told us she was the same as the night before. We took care of some business and an hour later arrived at Parkview to see mom. Her vitals had improved and her temp. dropped over the last hour her nurse said. We walked into her room to see her wide eyed. She smiled at us today, tried to communicate, ate some ice cream and applesauce and took in liquids, and even laughed at us some. She nodded yes to direct questions. We marveled at the change and we thanked God for the opportunity to see her smile again and watch dad feed her icecream. She didn't seem in pain and told us she didn't have any pain. It was very frustrating to try and figure out what she wanted to tell us sometimes. We assured her that we knew that she loved us and tried to ease any worries she had. We left again this evening with instructions to the nurses to please call if there were any changes. We are emotionally spent. Roger's dad ate dinner with us. We tried to share with him about relationship with Jesus that could help him through this. He is very indoctrinated that he is not open to any other beliefs or faiths beside his own. He does not have an assurance of salvation, only a hope that he and Beverly "have been good enough" It's a sad situation but I believe God will reach through that shell and reach his heart. We can't serve God with our heads it has to be with our hearts. The Jehovah Witnesses serve with their works. They don't trust the Bible on it's own, they trust their "Watch Tower and Bible and Tract Society" They believe all other religions are false. We couldn't get past the things that have been pounded in his head for at least 42 years. I know God can reach into his heart and I hope he truly finds a personal Jesus in all of this. The Christian faith is the only faith that has a God who is personal to us, loves us, forgives us, has mercy and grace on us. In the midst of an imperfect world we often question God. I have often questioned God but I've also seen some good expressions of his love in my life. For example the road we've taken over the last year. One year from tomarrow, October 11, 2007 was the date we saw a double rainbow while going to her first appt. with the cancer doctor. I called it "Beverly's Rainbow" A sign I beleived was a promise from God to take care of her. see http://lojdandelion.blogspot.com/2007/11/beverlys-rainbow.html She wasn't healed as I had anticipated but she lived a year of many ups and downs. Some of which brought her closer to her family, helped her feel loved and appreciated, a year she went thru with little to no pain 'til just lately, one where she got stronger then weaker and felt the love of many people. Now of which will end with a new beginning, in a new body, "Where there shall be no more tears, or suffering" I am thankful for a merciful God who can speak to our hearts even during death as Jesus spoke to the theif on the cross when He said "Today you shall be with me in Paradise"
Another miracle that happen this week is in the midst of Roger losing his mom was when my demented mom says to Roger. "Hey, do you know who you are?" Roger asked, "who?" and mom replied, "you are my son!" It made Roger feel so good. It reminded me of Jesus on the cross, seeing his mother suffer from losing her son He said to Mary, "Woman, behold your son" of John and to John he said "Behold your mother" How God used my mom to comfort Roger in the loss of his mother is a sign to us that God cares about us! He may not take away the suffering and pain in this world but He promises to "never leave us or forsake us"
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
What to expect when your love one is dying
I have been on the Internet today trying to find out what to expect with Beverly as she nears the end. I found good information at http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html. We've spent several hours with her over the last 4 days. Yesterday was especially hard cause she is having a hard time swallowing and had not ate or drank anything for the nurses. We offered to help her and they let us. Roger wanted me to try as I did the day before. I tried to get her to take sips of broth, and pop but could not tell if she really wanted them. I felt like I was forcing her. Her eyes would tear up and I just couldn't do it anymore, so Roger tried again. We had sat the head of the bed up which made her uncomfortable I could tell. I told Roger to put it back down again and let her rest comfortably. When we first came into the room and we waked her she said "Well, well, well." Sunday evening it took all she could do to say to us "Thank you for coming" It is heart wrenching. I've told Roger we need to let the nurses and hospice do their job and we just come and let her know we are there. Read to her, talk to her, soothe her (Rog rubs her head) but not try to force her to eat or drink. I also confirmed this when I read the info on the hospice site.
Dad cried on the way there. Rog touched his shoulder assuring him we are here for him. He keeps saying it's a natural part of life and he'll be fine. He says he doesn't like to see her suffer. She does have pain when she is moved and they've now placed a cathedar in. She has a bedsore that probably won't completely heal but they will treat. Her body is frail, her arms just skin and bone, her eyes hopelessly sad and glazed over. Hospice is good and the nursing home staff are excellent. I don't know how people manage at home with their loved ones during these last stages. I am glad for the time we had Beverly at home and she could sit up and interact with us still. Now I just want her to be comfortable. They will start a new pain med. Roxenal which she won't have to swallow since that is getting very hard.
My neighbor kept her mom home til she died. She said she wishes now she'd let her go to the nursing home. Some of the family wanted her alert, other's (my neighbor, her primary caregiver) wanted her pain free. There was conflict in the family. I think it'd be nice to have more family around us but since Rog is an only sibling there is just us. We do appreciate extended family, friends and the church that has called and offered their help. I am a little ticked about those who haven't called. I guess as I've said before you don't realize how important a card, an e-mail, a call can be until you've been thru this yourself. I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive those who find excuses not to help. I really need help with this! I have a few friends that are dealing with aging parents and illness. I hope I can be of some comfort to them because of my experiences. Kev called last night, he didn't ask how I was but I poured my heart out to him anyway. That's what we need...someone to just listen...and pray...and care.
On a positive note. Beverly's color is still good, she still will smile at us, she knows we are there. And my mom is awesome! I told her I was sorry I was neglecting her but Beverly needed me more and she was so understanding. I will take her to the dentist this Thursday...I hope it goes well, she has a broken tooth. I think God made mom a little better while we are going thru this with Beverly.
Camdyn turned 2 and Jess and Casey had a birthday party for him. He loved all his "cars" stuff and toys but threw his clothes!.jpg)
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Sustaining...
I don't know how to begin. I guess to say that a strength greater than me has been sustaining me these days. I typically wouldn't see myself as a caregiver. But because of my love for Roger and my love and sympathy for Roger's mom (and dad), I've taken off work to care for Beverly in our home til she can go into Parkview once again. Jim was not able to care for Beverly properly anymore so I had to learn the ins and outs of caring for a hospice patient. Regardless of what people may believe, Hospice is only a support group for the family. The nurse comes once a week and the aid twice for baths. The family are the caregivers. And since Rog is the only sibling, that leaves us with sole responsibility. I've talked with lots of others in this situation. It is amazing the roles children can take on for their parents. Becoming the caregiver, lossing sleep, helping manage finaces, being comforters, all while grieving the nearing dismise of their loved one (which you never truly know when) Once when Beverly actually slept thru the entire night I checked in on her and she seemed to be asleep. So I started imagining the worse. Then I heard her bell ring. An often dreaded but blissful sound this time. We are not ready. There is always one more moment we want to share. However, when her stronger (now) pain comes or her disturbing vomiting comes you want her to go; to go to sleep and wake up with the Lord. Roger has been so grateful for my help. He has struggled as he sat with her and had her repeat to him how much she loves him. He has struggled when his dad broke down in tears and Rog held him in his arms. Jim and Beverly have been together 41 years together tomarrow, Sept 23. I am moved when I see Jim holding Beverly's hand as she sits in her wheelchair next to him on our couch. Or when they kiss goodnight as Jim goes to an empty house without his life partner. He sleeps best at home but comes over to visit and eat. He says he hates to eat alone.
I am not sure how long I can do this. I want life back to normal. I am feeling selfish but at the same time I am feeling sustained and blessed. I do think that if I have to continue I won't hold it together. It's only been a short time but feels so long. I miss my grandbaby and the time I spent with him. I miss alone time with Rog and Erik. I want to go see Kev's new apartment at college. I want to go to a movie with a friend. I want to be selfish!!! I don't want to get up in the middle of the night or clean anymore bottoms. I don't want to smell the stinch of urine and waste or see the sight of vomit, wiping strings of spit away. I do want to play a game of cards with her and see her smile as Rog helps her win. I do want to share their anniversary cake with her and Jim and take their picture holding one another. I do want to keep receiving her hugs. I do want Rog to enjoy as many good moments as he can with her. I do want Erik to recognize the importance of taking care of someone, of family. I appreciate the friends and church who have called with concern and sent food or offered help. No one knows what it means until they experience it!!!
I am not sure how long I can do this. I want life back to normal. I am feeling selfish but at the same time I am feeling sustained and blessed. I do think that if I have to continue I won't hold it together. It's only been a short time but feels so long. I miss my grandbaby and the time I spent with him. I miss alone time with Rog and Erik. I want to go see Kev's new apartment at college. I want to go to a movie with a friend. I want to be selfish!!! I don't want to get up in the middle of the night or clean anymore bottoms. I don't want to smell the stinch of urine and waste or see the sight of vomit, wiping strings of spit away. I do want to play a game of cards with her and see her smile as Rog helps her win. I do want to share their anniversary cake with her and Jim and take their picture holding one another. I do want to keep receiving her hugs. I do want Rog to enjoy as many good moments as he can with her. I do want Erik to recognize the importance of taking care of someone, of family. I appreciate the friends and church who have called with concern and sent food or offered help. No one knows what it means until they experience it!!!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The Greatest Generation
"You're in the 'middle ages' - sandwiched between the 'greatest generation' and the 'gimme' generations" from Family Squeeze by Phil Callaway
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.
"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel
"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)
I spent some time today with the "greatest generation". Our parents, who endured the depression, worked hard, were satisfied with the simple things in life and kept their marriages together forever! I admire these people! So content in life with what they have unlike the people we've became that want instant gratification and prefer not to struggle with anything! I am guilty. But I am learning through this wiser generation that there is pride in a hard days work, that there is greater contentment in waiting on things, that relationships require less expectations and more acceptance. We've dealt with some trying times of late, some daunting tasks, but also some blessings. I never expected to be in some of the situations I've been in. It's been uncomfortable and uneasy. I feel blessed however to know two dear women better and to have shown and been loved by them; my mom, who never ceases to amuse us with her wit and Beverly whose hugs and smiles warm our heart. Some people may take more patience than others...um Rog's dad. But I'm not in his shoes so I need to be more accepting of him.
Will this next generation learn to deny and give of themselves for others? I hope so. Will they look at us with respect and admiration for what we've done? I hope so. Will they wonder what the heck their children are thinking and see the wisdom in the aged? I hope so.
"The worst thing in your life may contain seeds of the best. When you can see crisis as an opportunity, your life becomes not easier, but more satisfying." -Joe Kogel
"We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to Himself... That is why we never give up. Though or bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!...For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever (2 Corithaians 4:14, 16-18, NLT)
Sunday, June 08, 2008
The Flying Elastic
The doctors now tell us that Beverly's cancer is untreatable and she is in a nursing home because of the weakening of her bones and the danger of her falling and breaking her very fragile hip. When she is ready to come home we've made arrangements to have Hospice come help Jim and us learn to take care of her. We did not get to take her to Boston to see her mom. We canceled our trip and are hoping Roger's uncle can bring grandma here for a visit. We've been told Beverly could deteriorate rapidly. We don't know what to expect? She is in good spirits and looks good. She has little or no pain, still! If a positive attitude could keep her alive she'd live forever!
For each crisis/period in my life I get a book. While raising a teen, when Jess moved out, when Kev went to college, thru marriage difficulties, now when taking care of an ill parent (again) The book called "Family Sqeeze" by Phil Callaway is "Tales of hope and hilarity for a sandwiched generation" A sandwiched generation being a generation taking care of children at home still and aging or sick parents. His take on life is to look for the blessings in all situations. It truly can be a daunting task. How much of a blessing can it be to have a mom dying of cancer? However as a friend stated "We should feel lucky to have this time before she dies to tell (or show) her our love" This is what we are doing and it does feel good. It feels good to make her smile or laugh. Today Beverly was using her rubber elastic tied to the side of her bed to do her therapy. Stretching it across her body like putting on a seat belt. Roger was sitting next to the bed and Erik and I prompted her to let go of the elastic. ZAP! It flew past Roger's head! We laughed so hard that Erik's gum fell out of his mouth. I've certainly grown close to Beverly and Jim too. Something that hadn't happened until now. Roger has also bonded with his dad thru this all, helping him with all the difficult decisions and financial woes. We have went thru some discouraging news this year. It has really tested my faith. So I do ask "Why God?" but I also know that I don't see things the way God does. I can't see the BIG picture. I think God understands our questionings. I think we can be honest with Him. Can we grow thru trials? Maybe, we'll see... So much uncertainty lies ahead.
For each crisis/period in my life I get a book. While raising a teen, when Jess moved out, when Kev went to college, thru marriage difficulties, now when taking care of an ill parent (again) The book called "Family Sqeeze" by Phil Callaway is "Tales of hope and hilarity for a sandwiched generation" A sandwiched generation being a generation taking care of children at home still and aging or sick parents. His take on life is to look for the blessings in all situations. It truly can be a daunting task. How much of a blessing can it be to have a mom dying of cancer? However as a friend stated "We should feel lucky to have this time before she dies to tell (or show) her our love" This is what we are doing and it does feel good. It feels good to make her smile or laugh. Today Beverly was using her rubber elastic tied to the side of her bed to do her therapy. Stretching it across her body like putting on a seat belt. Roger was sitting next to the bed and Erik and I prompted her to let go of the elastic. ZAP! It flew past Roger's head! We laughed so hard that Erik's gum fell out of his mouth. I've certainly grown close to Beverly and Jim too. Something that hadn't happened until now. Roger has also bonded with his dad thru this all, helping him with all the difficult decisions and financial woes. We have went thru some discouraging news this year. It has really tested my faith. So I do ask "Why God?" but I also know that I don't see things the way God does. I can't see the BIG picture. I think God understands our questionings. I think we can be honest with Him. Can we grow thru trials? Maybe, we'll see... So much uncertainty lies ahead.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
My Constants, "Love, Hope and Faith"
If you are a fan of the TV series "Lost" then you saw last weeks episode where Desmond needed to find a constant in his past life and his present life to keep from dying. His constant was his girlfriend Penny. It was quite a moving episode. This week started out pretty dreary with the weather, cloudy, cold and rainy. I went to work Monday feeling like the mouse in the wheel. I don't always want to do another day. Basically, life is pretty dull. We go to work, we work at home, we struggle to pay our bills, and we go to sleep and start over. Yes, occasionally we have something to look forward to, a vacation, a move, a tax return, a day off work with no obligations. But mostly life is a grind. But how often do we think that we'd have it better if we had a different job, more money, a different spouse (NOT ME OF COURSE), more manageable kids, a bigger house, a maid, a fitness trainer, etc... However, I did find that my "Constants" in life make it more bearable and worth living. Some of my constants are routines. Reading a devotion with Erik before school, listening to my new voicemail from Rog that he left on his way to work, coming home from work on lunch to eat and watch TV, making supper and relaxing on the couch, going to church on Sunday and taking a day off of housework. Roger is my constant. I know I can call him or talk to him about anything that frustrates me, anything that makes me laugh, anything that makes me cry, etc. His love is a constant! Then when I need to complain about Roger I call Traci! (Not very often though:) My faith is a constant, I know that even when I don't feel it I know it is still there. Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hope is a constant. Recently we had some of our hopes crushed. The land we were given by Roger's parents to build on was not buildable. The septic was not approved because the water table was too high. We wasted about $1200 finding that out. Our bigger tax check was wasted! So we thought we had free land, we thought we had extra money to find out we had neither! But I still believe (Have hope) that there is a reason to all this. One reason could be that we are not suppose to move or we are suppose to move somewhere else beside next to Rog's parents! I have hope that something better will happen. Maybe we'll have more land but a smaller house. Maybe we'll stay where we are and get out of debt. Maybe we'll move to Tennesee! It is hard not to have control of our lives but God is in control and I must trust Him. No matter how glum it looks sometimes. Part of having hope is remembering how something that didn't seem good at the time turned out to be for our better. If we remember those times we can have hope that God is in charge and we can trust that all things will work out for the best, somehow.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Giving
Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
THE POOR AND LONELY AND SAD,
The more of you heart's possessing
Returns to you glad.
-John Greenleaf Whittier
I am overwhelmed by the gifts I hear people are buying at Christmas. I feel obligated to keep up with the Jones'. I worry that Erik will return to school and upon comparing Christmas gifts with the other kids he will feel shorted. But I refuse to give into this material pressure. It is not the gifts that will make him happy. But the time spent with his family. As I watched him pogo around the cabin we rented for Roger's birthday or as he and Roger play the video game Erik bought him we are creating a memory that the toy itself cannot compare with. Toys, and things get discarded, we get bored with them. If we could just give a little more to the poor, lonely and sad and a little less to ourselves I believed we'd receive more joy. I have a family that is blessed with all their needs and then some. I know there are so many without. There are so many I wish I could just share with. Still I cannot fix the world's problems: the hunger, the abuse, the sad, the lonely, or even global warming. But I can try and make a difference in small ways. In the end it is God who is in control and no matter how much man tries to fix things we can't. We all play just a small part in this great big world.
Luke 14:12 Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
It is fun to give to our loved ones, especially little children whose faces light up when they open a present. It is great to show our love through thoughtful gifts. I enjoy preparing a special meal for friends and family. I think there is so much pressure sometimes with the buying, the preparing, and it is harder and harder to find the perfect gift. I think the perfect gift I could get from my children would be a letter each year from each of them that tells me of the happy memories from that year, or what they appreciate and are thankful for. I wish I'd thought of it sooner so I could of started sending one to my mom each year. Only a mom could appreciate a gift like that. Or maybe we all could???
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
THE POOR AND LONELY AND SAD,
The more of you heart's possessing
Returns to you glad.
-John Greenleaf Whittier
I am overwhelmed by the gifts I hear people are buying at Christmas. I feel obligated to keep up with the Jones'. I worry that Erik will return to school and upon comparing Christmas gifts with the other kids he will feel shorted. But I refuse to give into this material pressure. It is not the gifts that will make him happy. But the time spent with his family. As I watched him pogo around the cabin we rented for Roger's birthday or as he and Roger play the video game Erik bought him we are creating a memory that the toy itself cannot compare with. Toys, and things get discarded, we get bored with them. If we could just give a little more to the poor, lonely and sad and a little less to ourselves I believed we'd receive more joy. I have a family that is blessed with all their needs and then some. I know there are so many without. There are so many I wish I could just share with. Still I cannot fix the world's problems: the hunger, the abuse, the sad, the lonely, or even global warming. But I can try and make a difference in small ways. In the end it is God who is in control and no matter how much man tries to fix things we can't. We all play just a small part in this great big world.
Luke 14:12 Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
It is fun to give to our loved ones, especially little children whose faces light up when they open a present. It is great to show our love through thoughtful gifts. I enjoy preparing a special meal for friends and family. I think there is so much pressure sometimes with the buying, the preparing, and it is harder and harder to find the perfect gift. I think the perfect gift I could get from my children would be a letter each year from each of them that tells me of the happy memories from that year, or what they appreciate and are thankful for. I wish I'd thought of it sooner so I could of started sending one to my mom each year. Only a mom could appreciate a gift like that. Or maybe we all could???
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Beverly's Rainbow
The morning we took Beverly to the Cancer Clinic for the first time, we spotted a full rainbow. We felt it was a good sign. In Genenis 9 God gave Noah his rainbow as a sign he'd never destroy the Earth again with a flood. Genenis 9:12 "And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth."
But that day we heard bad news, Beverly probably had cancer. If anyone could of taken that news well it was Beverly. I felt part of it was that she was not grasping it fully. The next week the biopsy showed cancer "An Unknown Primary" -adenocarcinoma. Still the doctor was stumped about her bones. The pet scan showed a lot of holes in her bones which he said "looked like" cancer. But why no pain?? So he did more tests and another bone scan. Everytime a test would come back "no cancer here" (Breasts, Upper GI) Beverly would say "Good news, I don't have cancer here or there." So this week Rog and I talked among ourselves of prognosis (Everyone said how bad, painful cancer of the bones would be) Roger had a funeral in the back of his mind. I said all along that I didn't think she had cancer in her bones but the scan pointed to it. We prayed, we had others praying. I said "Rog, wouldn't it be a miracle if the oncologist looked at the bone scan and said "I don't see any holes. I don't think she has cancer of the bones" But still I doubted. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed"... We heard in church Sunday. I didn't have a lot of faith. Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Tuesday Rog, Jim, Beverly and I went to see the oncologist because the nurse suggested "the family be with" When we went in "ever positive" Beverly told Dr. Bruetman, "I hope you have good news for me" He said, "That depends on what you consider good news." And Praise God, Dr. Breutman did look at the bone scan and said he only saw one very small hole on the rib cage and none on the spine and he wasn't concerned anymore about bone cancer!!! A miracle. He did say she still had cancer in her body, most likely in the abdomen area (uterine, ovaries or stomach lining) but chemo is usually effective. She starts chemo next Friday. She may lose her hair he said. She probably wouldn't get too sick. The treatment will be 4 hours, once every 3 weeks. Also the ocupational therapist said Beverly would always need therapy for her swollen leg. She said the lymph node would never work the same again. Dr. Bruetman said he has seen the lymph nodes go down in size after chemo and function properly and her swelling should go down in her leg! We still have a long rode ahead. But Roger has said he can stop worrying about planning a funeral. And thanks to all this we have grown closer to his parents. We have a deeper bond and are trying to minister God's love to them. But we see God working in all our lifes.
Speaking of letting God work in our lives I've been trying to tell Kevin and his girlfriend that we can't always work things out ourselves. We have to let things happen the way God planned them. Sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes things don't make sense. But God has a plan and we have to let him work. I still am a chronic worrier. I still try to make things happen myself. But throughout my life I've seen God working "all things" for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose."
But that day we heard bad news, Beverly probably had cancer. If anyone could of taken that news well it was Beverly. I felt part of it was that she was not grasping it fully. The next week the biopsy showed cancer "An Unknown Primary" -adenocarcinoma. Still the doctor was stumped about her bones. The pet scan showed a lot of holes in her bones which he said "looked like" cancer. But why no pain?? So he did more tests and another bone scan. Everytime a test would come back "no cancer here" (Breasts, Upper GI) Beverly would say "Good news, I don't have cancer here or there." So this week Rog and I talked among ourselves of prognosis (Everyone said how bad, painful cancer of the bones would be) Roger had a funeral in the back of his mind. I said all along that I didn't think she had cancer in her bones but the scan pointed to it. We prayed, we had others praying. I said "Rog, wouldn't it be a miracle if the oncologist looked at the bone scan and said "I don't see any holes. I don't think she has cancer of the bones" But still I doubted. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed"... We heard in church Sunday. I didn't have a lot of faith. Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Tuesday Rog, Jim, Beverly and I went to see the oncologist because the nurse suggested "the family be with" When we went in "ever positive" Beverly told Dr. Bruetman, "I hope you have good news for me" He said, "That depends on what you consider good news." And Praise God, Dr. Breutman did look at the bone scan and said he only saw one very small hole on the rib cage and none on the spine and he wasn't concerned anymore about bone cancer!!! A miracle. He did say she still had cancer in her body, most likely in the abdomen area (uterine, ovaries or stomach lining) but chemo is usually effective. She starts chemo next Friday. She may lose her hair he said. She probably wouldn't get too sick. The treatment will be 4 hours, once every 3 weeks. Also the ocupational therapist said Beverly would always need therapy for her swollen leg. She said the lymph node would never work the same again. Dr. Bruetman said he has seen the lymph nodes go down in size after chemo and function properly and her swelling should go down in her leg! We still have a long rode ahead. But Roger has said he can stop worrying about planning a funeral. And thanks to all this we have grown closer to his parents. We have a deeper bond and are trying to minister God's love to them. But we see God working in all our lifes.
Speaking of letting God work in our lives I've been trying to tell Kevin and his girlfriend that we can't always work things out ourselves. We have to let things happen the way God planned them. Sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes things don't make sense. But God has a plan and we have to let him work. I still am a chronic worrier. I still try to make things happen myself. But throughout my life I've seen God working "all things" for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose."
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Cancer Cannot Conquer the Spirit
"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
Cancer cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
And it cannot conquer the spirit."
It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
Cancer cannot kill friendship.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
And it cannot conquer the spirit."
It cannot defeat you if you trust Jesus Christ to work all things together for good in your life." -from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Emptying Nest
"One more piece of advice...one more hug...one more... Be prepared that one of the hardest things you will experience in life is...the first time you walk away from your child's dorm room or apartment leaving him or her behind."*
This last Friday I drove with Kev to college helping him move...one last thing I could do for him. Kev's roommate's mother clung to her son's neck not wanting to let go, her son saying, "Okay mom, goodbye." Then she said she cried when they drove away and he refused to look her way. Another mother told me that after her and her husband left her son at college then went to eat at Wendy's. They ate in silence as the songs playing in the restaurant were slow and sad. They both looked up at the same time meeting each other's tear filled eyes. I have not been a total wreck. I have not cried much. I've already had some adjustment as Kev lived with his sister this summer while he worked. But I look outside and see his car parked (it was gone most the summer unless he was home) and my heart sinks 'cause I know he's not home.
"Mourn the loss of a daily relationship with your child"*
I've called Kev twice since Friday and had nice talks with him but then I asked him to call me about his 1st day of class. No call yet- day 2... I don't want to bug him.
"Your job is done. It's their turn."*
I shopped for a month getting things Kev might need for his apartment. Eagerly anticipating helping him get his new apartment set up, I was part of the experience. Then I drove away and I was done parenting on a daily basis. We never stop wanting to help our children. Like telling him, " Make sure you disinfect the counter after you have meat on it." Or "Make sure the gas is off on your stove." Or "Please, please be careful riding your bike in traffic to class."
I've experienced this before with Jessica. I've yet to experience it with Erik, now 11. Erik went to middle school this year and I had difficulty dealing with that transition! The first day Erik went to Jr. High our cartoon came on TV that we watched this summer during lunch and I cried. I wondered how few years are left of his childhood... cartoons, stuffed animals, hanging with mom and dad??
I've been very moved to pray not only for my kids but for others' kids. I started making a list...but it's mostly as someone comes to mind. I hope there are others praying for my kids too!
"As parents, we play the role of reader and hardly ever pen the script..."I wrote the script and my kids don't follow it."** I just am hoping that they will discover in time as I did "If you chase after pleasure, you eventually will come to the same conclusion as King Solomon: "I said to myself, 'Come on, let's try pleasure. Let's look for the "good things" in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. What good does it do to seek pleasure?' " (Ecclesiastes 2:1–2)***
"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
— Psalm 16:11
*"When You're Facing the Empty Nest" by Mary Ann Froehlich
**"A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray
***From Greg Laurie's daily devotion August 20, 2007 http://www.harvest.org/
KEV CALLED!!!
This last Friday I drove with Kev to college helping him move...one last thing I could do for him. Kev's roommate's mother clung to her son's neck not wanting to let go, her son saying, "Okay mom, goodbye." Then she said she cried when they drove away and he refused to look her way. Another mother told me that after her and her husband left her son at college then went to eat at Wendy's. They ate in silence as the songs playing in the restaurant were slow and sad. They both looked up at the same time meeting each other's tear filled eyes. I have not been a total wreck. I have not cried much. I've already had some adjustment as Kev lived with his sister this summer while he worked. But I look outside and see his car parked (it was gone most the summer unless he was home) and my heart sinks 'cause I know he's not home.
"Mourn the loss of a daily relationship with your child"*
I've called Kev twice since Friday and had nice talks with him but then I asked him to call me about his 1st day of class. No call yet- day 2... I don't want to bug him.
"Your job is done. It's their turn."*
I shopped for a month getting things Kev might need for his apartment. Eagerly anticipating helping him get his new apartment set up, I was part of the experience. Then I drove away and I was done parenting on a daily basis. We never stop wanting to help our children. Like telling him, " Make sure you disinfect the counter after you have meat on it." Or "Make sure the gas is off on your stove." Or "Please, please be careful riding your bike in traffic to class."
I've experienced this before with Jessica. I've yet to experience it with Erik, now 11. Erik went to middle school this year and I had difficulty dealing with that transition! The first day Erik went to Jr. High our cartoon came on TV that we watched this summer during lunch and I cried. I wondered how few years are left of his childhood... cartoons, stuffed animals, hanging with mom and dad??
I've been very moved to pray not only for my kids but for others' kids. I started making a list...but it's mostly as someone comes to mind. I hope there are others praying for my kids too!
"As parents, we play the role of reader and hardly ever pen the script..."I wrote the script and my kids don't follow it."** I just am hoping that they will discover in time as I did "If you chase after pleasure, you eventually will come to the same conclusion as King Solomon: "I said to myself, 'Come on, let's try pleasure. Let's look for the "good things" in life.' But I found that this, too, was meaningless. What good does it do to seek pleasure?' " (Ecclesiastes 2:1–2)***
"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."
— Psalm 16:11
*"When You're Facing the Empty Nest" by Mary Ann Froehlich
**"A Long Way Off" by Kitti Murray
***From Greg Laurie's daily devotion August 20, 2007 http://www.harvest.org/
KEV CALLED!!!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Cas Haley or UB40?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNLWn6WLxp0
http://www.muvids.com/ub40_videos/i_cant_help_falling_in_love.html
which version of Elvis' original "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You?"
I can't decide??? I think maybe UB40 but Cas Haley has my vote on "America's Got Talent" NBC Tuesday. Check him out!
I love his reggae style.
http://www.muvids.com/ub40_videos/i_cant_help_falling_in_love.html
which version of Elvis' original "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You?"
I can't decide??? I think maybe UB40 but Cas Haley has my vote on "America's Got Talent" NBC Tuesday. Check him out!
I love his reggae style.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Creation Museum
We went to a new museum on our vacation. It is The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. It combines the Biblical account of creation and science. Most museums use science to tell you how old dinasaurs were, how man came into existance, etc. One of things I liked about the dinosaur exhibit was that it shows you fosils and asks you to draw your own conclusions. Such as if a dinasaur had sharp teeth what would you perceive about it? That it is a meat-eater? Well, that would be a conclusion based on many of the animal species. However, the Koala bear, a vegetarian has sharp teeth to tear into the bamboo that they eat. Interesting...
What is science? It is man taking a little of what he does know (facts) and combining it with his own bias. How often does science disproves itself? One moment scientist theories say they know something then they find out otherwise. I've never had much faith in science. I trust that we are a result of intelligent design.
Some questions to ask? Did man and dinosaur live together? How about the Indian cave drawings showing man and dinosaur together. Are dinosaur bones really millions of year old? What about the T-rex bone that was found with red blood cells still intact?
The museum has very interesting exhibits. Some are replicals of dinosaurs, Deplictions of Noah's arc with one 3 story room exhibiting 1% of the actual size of the ark, and wax exhibits of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. The outside botonical gardens were beautiful with exquisite pond lillies, waterfalls, dinasaur carved subery, swinging bridges, gazebos and lush greenery.
** For more information on the creation museum go to http://www.answersingenesis.org/
***Due to some unexplainable problem with blogger I am no longer able to post pics:(
What is science? It is man taking a little of what he does know (facts) and combining it with his own bias. How often does science disproves itself? One moment scientist theories say they know something then they find out otherwise. I've never had much faith in science. I trust that we are a result of intelligent design.
Some questions to ask? Did man and dinosaur live together? How about the Indian cave drawings showing man and dinosaur together. Are dinosaur bones really millions of year old? What about the T-rex bone that was found with red blood cells still intact?
The museum has very interesting exhibits. Some are replicals of dinosaurs, Deplictions of Noah's arc with one 3 story room exhibiting 1% of the actual size of the ark, and wax exhibits of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. The outside botonical gardens were beautiful with exquisite pond lillies, waterfalls, dinasaur carved subery, swinging bridges, gazebos and lush greenery.
** For more information on the creation museum go to http://www.answersingenesis.org/
***Due to some unexplainable problem with blogger I am no longer able to post pics:(
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