How to Change Who we are?

I have this vicious cycle I am on.  I feel guilt for many things and in return I cause guilt by complaining when people don't meet my expectations.  Example...I feel guilty because I am not working and my husband is working ALOT!  I have pain, but it comes and goes, so I have good and bad days. On my good days, I think I should be working. Sometimes I have a good day turn into a bad day because I do too much.  I want to feel productive and like I'm contributing to society, but I don't feel I am.  So I feel guilty.  Then I feel angry at people, mainly my husband, when he doesn't recognize my pain.  Example...I stand at the stove and cook, my knees aching and stabbing pain in my neck but I won't stop and lie down.  I wait and expect my husband to see the pain I'm in and sympathize, offer to take over.  I do this with other's too but mostly I leave my highest expectations for my husband.  He is a great guy and always my biggest supporter.  I usually voice my complaints.  I just think I've voiced them so much that people have stopped hearing them.  Why should I complain when others have it so much worse.  There is that guilt again.   How to change who we are?  That's a tough one!