Submission???

Commitment - "Through all things difficult commitment is where our strength lies."
I'm reading a book that I've found very insightful called "Confessions from a honest wife" by Sarah Zacharias Davis. It is a composition of letters from women about varying issues of marriage. There are many quotes from the book that have been perceptive. For example in regards to submission (which is a very scary word for me) it quotes Loius Anspecher:

"Marriage is that relationship between a man and a woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligations reciprocal."

As a youth I had Ephesians 5:21-33 highlighted in my Bible and beside it I wrote "God's Way" Now later in my life after some "life experiences" I cringed at that when I turned to it. What I am cringing at is an interpretation of Ephesians 5:22 where the wife is to submit unwittingly to the husband. Since I'm an "absolutist" I can not change the scripture to mean what I want it to. So for years I've rejected the idea of submission. Why the change in my thinking? Well, I could blame it on the shapings of my past. However, that is the part of "Confessions" that troubles me- blaming our pasts or others for our choices! Certainly thru my divorce I felt a naivete. So if this is indeed what caused my adversity to submission I could blame my ex and never trust a man again. But as I stated I don't believe in blaming our problems on our pasts. It is not my parents, peers or ex's fault if I chose to allow my past experience to dictate my future. We truly do the best with what we know at the time. And I've learned that I can submit (give) my heart to a man that loves me "even as Christ loved the church" Ephesians 5:25. This man will not misuse that. He will be the soft shoulder for me to lean on. I have this picture on our bedroom door of two penguins hugging. The female penguin's head is nestled under the males. This is how I feel with Roger. I feel safe, cared for, not dependent on but supported. I'm sure I am dependent on Rog for many things. I'm sure, too that he is dependent on me for many things. It truly is nice for both partners to feel equally important in a relationship. When we feel secure in our position in a relationship we don't feel as if we are giving up anything. I appreciate the strengths my male counter parts have over me. I am not afraid to "value" a man that respects me.